You're Early [ManxBoy]

Chapter 9: I'm Sorry, But I Can't

A week.

It's been an entire week since that wretched day. The first, and final day I finally spoke about my feelings aloud to someone other than myself.

It's been entire week since I've last spoken to Dean. I haven't seen him around either. Every day for this past week, I've been purposely skipping his class and avoiding him at all costs.

I know myself. I know that as soon as I see him, I'll lose myself. I might cry and break down into a ball of emotions, or I might get mad and lash out on him in front of everyone.

It's one or the other.

But neither will be happening anytime in the near future. At this point, I'm convinced that we're broken up. I mean, we haven't exactly tried reaching out to one another.

Which I shouldn't have to do since I'm the one who's feelings got rejected. Yes, a part of me deeply, honestly believed that Dean loved me too, but another part of me, the part that protects me from getting hurt told me not to tell him.

Why did I choose the first part of me you may ask; well because when I felt that feeling wash over me and drown me in nothing but love, I was on a high.

It was foreign, yet it's all I felt when I said those three words that ruined everything. But it's not even that! It's the fact that it's Dean I'm talking about.

We've been together for so long. Not ten years or for any amount of long years, but with him, it felt like we'd been together since the beginning of time.

Yeah, me. The guy who never got his feelings hurt and wore his heart on his sleeve was being a broken hearted sap. For most of the week, I'd been a crying, sad, and heart broken mess.

Now I'm just done.

It took awhile for me to realize that crying didn't solve anything. It didn't fix things. It didn't bring people back. It only helped you for awhile until it almost was to much to carry on, and I'm at the point.

I can't stop thinking about that moment. That moment when after I said the words, he stared at me blankly then looked down.

I loudly blew my nose into another napkin and threw it into my garbage can. The only comfort I get nowadays are from my bed, my pillow and these soft napkins.

It's too painful. This feeling; this thing on my heart is weighing it down to the point where it almost hurts to breathe.

I can't do this no more. I can't cry for another second, I can't blow my runny nose for another second.

I can't be reminded of my mistake for another second. I'm sorry, but I can't.

For the first time this week unless it was for class or for the bathroom, I slid off of my bed and walked to my closet.

Before opening the door, I stood, letting my eyes glaze over everything for what might be the last time ever again.

I pushed open the door, revealing all of my jackets and other clothes. Dropping to my knees, I pulled out my black and blue suitcase and zipped it open.

The entire time I folded my clothes properly, tears that represented all of my hurt and pain slid down my face.

"What are you doing?" A voice asked from behind me.

----

Ciara

"Leaving." He mumbled as he continued to place layer after layer of clothes into his suitcase.

I didn't realize how bad this was. I've known Chris for forever, and he's never ran away from his problems. When I found out what happened, and what happened after that, I was mad. No, I was furious.