The Fear of Falling

Chapter Forty One

Gavin and I hadn't talked in a week.

I told myself it was better that way, that I would only say something I'd regret, but a part of me knew that the reason I couldn't sleep at night had everything to do with the silence between us.

I lay on my bed, unwilling to sit in the living room and watch Gavin continue to ignore me. It was much easier to hide in my room and dread my existence.

Only a few more weeks until Christmas...

And an extremely awkward conversation with my doting parents.

I rolled onto my stomach and groaned. I had been stupid, falling for my TA and expecting a commitment.

It was embarrassing.

I considered smothering myself with a pillow but talked myself out of it.

I'd just find a way to fuck that up too.

When my phone buzzed, I snatched it up believing, foolishly, that Thea responded.

She didn't.

Instead, I stared at a text from Wade.

"Hey, I'm sorry about the party."

I narrowed my eyes.

"I know, it was unacceptable. But if you give me the chance, I like to make it up to you."

Everything inside of me screamed to just delete the message thread and put the whole thing behind me, but then again, what else did I have to do?

Wallow in self-pity?

I stared at my phone, wishing Thea was there to snatch it out of my hands and call me crazy for considering it.

Instead, the ceiling fan creaked above me; not even an Ariana Grande song played through the walls.

I was alone, painfully and utterly alone.

"How?" I asked, fighting the urge to bite my nails, resurrecting a bad childhood habit in the process.

"Formal." Before I could scoff, another message appeared. "It's next week. We could go as friends."

"What did your last-minute date fall through?"

"No. I was going to go alone but I thought I owed you one."

I frowned. What were the chances he was trying to use me?

Maybe he heard about me and Gavin?

No, he couldn't know about that.

A headache started to form behind my eyes.

Didn't Guy Code prohibit this?

I chewed the inside of my cheek before deciding that whatever rules going out with Wade broke didn't matter. Gavin hadn't spoken to me and although I wanted to sort things out, he didn't seem interested.

He could be talking to Mac for all I know.

I shivered at the thought then snatched my phone off the bed before I could change my mind.

"Okay, but ONLY as friends."

"Got it." Wade responded within the minute, making me think the ordeal was just as stressful for him as it was for me. "I'll send you the invite."

I swallowed the anxiety building in my throat. Did I make the right choice?

Jade will be ecstatic.