MISS YOU! | corpse_husband [Completed]

Chapter 32

I looked out of the window most of the drive home. I was really craving home. I was more than thankful for Amina. She helped me a lot. She helped me with one of my biggest fears. That does not mean, that I will leave my town every week or month. But I know now, that nothing will happen. We stopped at a gas station for the car and while she load up the car, I started walking around a bit.

"Hey." I heard and turned around to see Amina smiling at me.
"Hi." I chuckled and sat down on the bench that was a few feet away. Amina sat down right next to me and rested her head on my shoulder. I let her hug my arm and gently stroked her hand.

"As you were outside with Anthony, I had a little talk with Mykie and Tina about you." Amina smiled up to me.
"What did you talk about?" I asked her.
"The whole trip and that they are proud of you." She said and placed her hand on my knee.
"I am proud of you." She repeated.
"Thank you." I chuckled and placed my hand on hers. 
"I had a little talk with Anthony about you as well." I smiled.
"Oh really?"

"Yeah. I think I understand now, what I need to work on. He is like free therapist." I laughed.
"He really is. I'm glad you know now. And I hope that.- someday you will see the good in you. Cause there is more good than bad. Trust me. Otherwise I wouldn't be here with you again and again.- Uhm. You know? We had our differences and fights. And yesterday was a bit complicated. But I think.. Or better to say, I hope that we don't have fights like yesterday again. Because I want to be with you. I want to help you and I want you. I hope you understand someday, that love doesn't have something to do with deserving something. It's a giving and taking. Some times you give more and sometimes you take more. And I am not mad at you when you take more than you give. Because I know you. And I know that you maybe need to take more to get healthy." Amina told me.

"But I don't want to, just take." I said quiet while I rested my head on hers.
"That's not what I said. It's a taking and giving. If you feel like, you can give, but I don't want that you put yourself under pressure for that and think like.- Oh, I need to show her love, I need to hug her now. No, you don't. I know how much in pain you are. And I know how.- I don't know. Grumpy you can because of that." She chuckled.
"I won't judge you for that. I know how much it hurts okay? Don't feel bad if you are not in the mood, or I don't know. I know you feel bad about that. But don't don't feel bad about that, don't feel bad when you can't do any chores or whatever. I'll take care of that. Trust me okay? I won't be mad for that. I would be a pretty shitty girlfriend if I would." She smiled.
"I love you." I said quiet and kissed  her head.
"I love you." She chuckled and told me that we should probably keep on driving. Because it was already pretty late.

The car drive was relaxing. We talked, sang and laughed a lot. It felt surreal. The amount of laughing and happiness I experienced at this drive was surreal. 

-

Amina helped me with everything when I was in pain. No matter, how shitty I treated her, she was always nice to me. I felt bad for everything she did for me, but slowly started to understand why she did this for me. Because of love. I slowly started to understand that love isn't about deserving it. It just happens. Love is a weird thing. But one of the strongest feelings. And that's what I felt between us. After everything we've been through, my love for her grew even stronger. And I could never let go of her again.

-

Almost eight or nine months later, it was one of the bad days again. One of the very bad days. One of the days where I couldn't stand this anymore. Not her. Myself. 
"Here you you go." Amina helped me sitting up, and passed me a water bottle. My left arm was completely numb. I couldn't move it at all. My legs were burning and sore.
"Thanks." I told her and took a big sip. 
"I feel bad." I said.
"It's an up and down. You'll be okay." Amina said quiet with a smile. I nodded and closed my eyes for second until I flinched because of my ringing phone. It was a number I well knew. My doctor. Amina passed me my phone. I sighed.
"It's gonna be bad news."
"What if not?" She asked me.
"Look at me. I'm fucked." I told her.
"Pick up. Please. I'm begging you for that." She said and placed her hand on my numb arm.
"Okay." I sighed and picked up the call.