Moon Song / Hotch x Reader

part four: smoke signals missing my heart

-Two Days Later-

I've been staying in my sister's spare bedroom for the past two days. It's blank, bare of any memorabilia, just beige walls, cream-colored carpet, and me curled up underneath the covers not even knowing what time it is.

"Y/N? Are you hungry?" My sister asks, opening the door and walking in quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"No," I mutter. Oak and Bobby have been nothing but gracious hosts, giving me space. I know my sister is worried about me – I'm worried about me, but at this point, I'd rather just rot away in bed than do anything else.

"Will you just eat a little bit? For me?" Sometimes I forget that I'm two years older than her. I feel small, curled in bed. I feel her rest a hand on my hip. "Y/N."

"Please," I whisper. She just sighs and leaves, shutting the door behind her. My phone is shut down, buried underneath my socks. I texted everyone, save for...him, and gave them my sister's address, asking them to send a letter if they wanted to get in contact with me. I just need some time away from everything. I sigh and roll over to my back, stretching out my limbs from their cramped position. I forget how cold my hometown is in December. It makes sense, we're far more north than Virginia is. I woke up to a light dusting of snow on the ground this morning, snow flurries kicking up in the air. I sat by the back door and watched them as I sipped a cup of coffee. Then it was back to bed.

I'm listless, I don't know what to do with myself, don't know what to say to Oak, don't know what to say to myself. I feel drained, devoid of life, and lost. I sleep almost all day on the second day.

On the third day, I peel myself out of bed, take a shower, and put on a pair of sweats and a large sweatshirt before emerging from the confines of my room.

"Good morning," I say quietly, pouring myself a cup of coffee in the tackiest mug I've ever seen in my entire life. I watch my sister and her husband exchange a look. "You can say it. Subtlety is not your strong suit, Oak, and I profile people for a living." I say, raising my eyebrows, stirring some sugar into my coffee.

"We're just worried, Y/N. I've never seen you like this before, I'm worried."

"That's fair." I grasp the warm mug in both my hands, turning to lean against the counter and look at them.

"Is there any way we can help you? I'm just lost here." Oak looks like she's about to cry and Bobby grabs her hand, squeezing. Tears prick at my eyes at their affection.

"I just need time, that's all. I'll be okay – I always am."

"That's what I'm worried about, Y/N. You always manage to pull yourself together and don't let anyone see what's going on underneath. It's okay to hurt, it's okay to open up, it's okay to not be okay." She smiles at the cliché.

"I'll be fine. That's why I'm here, isn't it? To heal, to be somewhere that...that he's not." My throat closes up and I barely get the words out. I clear my throat awkwardly. "Do you have any errands I can run for you? I might as well make myself useful while leeching off of you."

"You're not leeching off of us, Y/N. You're welcome here. And I need a few things from the grocery if you'd like to venture out today." I nod, taking myself and my coffee back to my room. I finish it within a half hour and fight the temptation to turn my phone back on. I put on socks and shoes, grab a banana from the fruit bowl in the kitchen, my sister's shopping list, and let myself out of the house. I breathe in the crisp air for a few moments, letting my body adjust to the chill. I walk a mile to the store, eating my banana, I relish in the exercise and the serene quiet that my hometown brings.