Hiding

I'm fine

DISCLAIMER: THIS ONE HAS VERY BRIEF MENTIONS OF SH.

"i'm fine"

the biggest lies hide behind those words like a shut door.

the tears flow from my face as my phone lights up

"Hey! Hru?"

"I'm fine"

i hit send, continuing to sob uncontrollably.

another day, "Hii! How are you?"

"I'm alr wb u?"

the blood seeps from my arms and thighs as i hit send.

another day, "hihi how are uuu"

"Eh, im alr, hru?"

i send the text, sitting on my bed, numb.

"I'm fine"

"I'm alr wb u?"

"Eh, im alr, hru?"

all those texts, masked with happiness.

why don't you send how you really feel?

"i feel so shitty, the worst thing just happened to me"

or,

"i just relapsed."

or,

"im completely numb, idk what to do"

maybe we lie, because we don't want them to worry about us.

atleast, that's how it is for me.

i've always been so worried about other people's emotions, i forget about mine. 

i forget about how every time i'm done comforting someone, i shut my phone off and sit there, blankly.

letting that numb, depressed emotion creep back into me, reminding me i'll never be truly okay.

"HII! HOW ARE YOUU"

my phone lights up, startling me. i pick it up, my eyes scanning over the text.

"IM GOOD! HRUU"

i reply, a tear escaping my eye and rolling down my face. 

then two.

then three.

than many.

I'm fine though.