"Why do you make me feel this this way? You're not supposed to."
"Baby, I could make you feel even better."
This book contains mature scenes and language, don't read if you don't feel comfortable! It is entirely written by me and I do not accept pla...
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Two days after...
It's been two days since that day with Jungkook. You ended up going out with Jimin and his friends without them suspecting anything, but you avoided Jimin as much as you could. It was easy, since you couldn't discuss your situation in front of his hyungs.
Once back home, Jimin kept trying to get in touch with you, but you've been avoiding him, making absurd excuses one after another.
Why did you avoid him? Because you were ashamed to tell him what had happened with Jungkook, especially since you suspected that he had understood everything during your phone call.
However, despite the shame, your real problem was not this. The thing that stopped you was what YOU had done. You were ashamed of having made the wrong choice, and most of all you regretted letting Jungkook touch you. You felt dirty, uncomfortable and out of place. You didn't like the way he touched you, and you felt like you fucked up. It wasn't hard to tell Jimin it was bullshit what you did, the hard part was to tell him you were sorry because you wanted him instead of Jungkook. Jungkook made you feel like no woman should feel in this case; even if you think it's more your fault than his, because your head was focused on your best friend, who has been trying to find you for days, but whom you ignored because it's not good not to stop thinking about him the way you're thinking about him right now.
In these two days you had the opportunity to be alone with yourself and to answer to your feelings. You realize Jungkook could have made you less pissed off, since lately he has become a person you wouldn't have liked at your side; and this has certainly contributed to making you feel used as you had told him. Which, as much as he denied it, was evident to your eyes when you did what you did. No cupcakes, no kisses, no butterflies in your stomach. You could hear them when you kissed, but not when you touched each other? This makes you think that the chemistry between you is limited, although of course it is always the fault of both. You understood that you must absolutely tell him to end it here, even if it never started and even if you told him that you would give him a chance, because you regretted it immediately after. The only reason you would give him a chance was to forget your best friend, since nothing can ever happen between you, but Jungkook doesn't deserve this from you.
On the other hand, there's your sweet Jimin, your best friend, a man far too perfect for the little girl you are. He has never done anything wrong with you, and that is precisely why you are afraid that your step forward can end the wonderful friendship that you have built over the years. He always makes you feel perfect in his eyes, precious, and he is the sweetest person in the world. For this very reason you would never have suspected that things could ever change between you but, although you do not know what he thinks about it, you know for sure that you are changing towards him, in which way you still don't know.
Speaking of yourself, however, you can say that your situation with talking has worsened, and the fault of it was yours. If you hadn't let Jungkook do to you what he did to you, and if you had told him to finish everything you had right after that, finding some courage, perhaps you would have gained some chance to talk about your feelings again. Instead, as if that were not enough, you went home after your dinner with Jimin, Hoseok and Yoongi and locked yourself in your room for two days, without eating enough and especially without talking. It would have been enough to tell Jungkook and Jimin how you feel, but you only told your diary how you feel. Your diary was supposed to help you not to become mute again, but 'talking' to 'him' made you realize you didn't need to talk to anyone else anymore. He's the one who made you go back to the start.
