𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝖔𝖕𝖊𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖆𝖚𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗'𝖘 𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖊
✭・.・✫・
sapnap wakes warm. he feels content, besides maybe the headache ringing between his ears.
as the memory of drinking the night before comes back to him, so does everything else, and his eyes fly open, heart stilling at the sight of the brit still asleep in his arms.
his body suddenly feels empty. his content feeling leaves like the warmth around his heart and his body is overcome by a chill that he can only accustom to being like coming face to face with death.
it's a miracle that george isn't stirred awake by the speed that sapnap rips himself out of the bed. his heart is running like he's just done a long-distance sprint and he bites down on the edge of his thumb as an unfamiliar anxiety overcomes him.
he makes his way quickly out of george's bedroom and down the hallway to his own, a pang of horrible guilt dragging him down. rosie's door is pushed open when he walks past and he sees that the room is empty, meaning that dream is already awake and looking after george's child whilst the brit is cuddled up in bed with his boyfriend's best friend.
sapnap reminds himself that dream wouldn't care about cuddling. no, that's not the sin here. sapnap is fucked up because he kissed george.
he closes his bedroom door quietly behind him, hoping it wouldn't be heard, and turns to breathlessly face his bed, leaning against the wooden door.
at least he thinks he kissed george.
maybe george kissed him?
in which case, george cheated on his boyfriend and dream's heart is destined to be broken. that is, if george even tells dream. if it was george who initiated the kiss then maybe he'd keep it a secret for his own sake.
but if it was sapnap who initiated it, then he would surely be kicked out.
sapnap curses himself for not being able to remember.
sapnap's memory has never been good. he knows that, his friends know that, just about anyone close to him knows that. he forgets little simple things like stream plans or whether he'd had breakfast. but, occasionally, he can also forget pretty big things like being a baby's first word or his own birthday.
he can forget who initiated the kiss that, regardless, is going to change his life.
what if george doesn't tell dream? surely, sapnap will have to let the blond know. he can't sit back and watch dream be with a cheat.
or maybe he should just accept that this is his fault, take the blame and leave without kicking up a fight. they would be better off without him getting in the way.
sapnap thinks his heart dies.
sapnap moves over to sit on his bed, cross-legged with his back against the headboard. he fiddles his hands in his lap.
an hour of silent contemplation passes.
no one has come to find him yet, so sapnap thinks maybe his worst-case scenario is coming true.
they're probably downstairs talking about him right now, saying what an awful person he is. their voices are probably hushed, so rosie won't hear what an awful person the man she loves has become.
they probably won't let him see her any more. not after this.
or maybe they're scheming a plan.
maybe they've decided not to say anything. instead, they will sit back and watch and wait and see if sapnap would take responsibility for his own damned homewrecking behaviour.
maybe they've wanted to kick him out for a while and now, with his current behaviour, they'll be happy that they've found a reason to do so.
maybe the noose has always been there and sapnap just tied himself in and took the step.
distress has made him a little poetic, he realises.
all sapnap knows, without a shadow of a doubt, is that he is going to lose his best friends and there is nothing he can do about it. no matter how it may happen.
there's no point in trying to defend himself or trying to stall until they change their minds. if this is something they've already spoken about and decided on then sapnap should just accept it with grace.
he should take his fate with open arms and accept responsibility. he can do that- it's the least he can do.
sapnap knew it was a bad idea. he should've backed away from day one and let them love in peace. he should've stayed with punz when he went to visit all those months ago. sure, his friends might've been confused, but at least they would still be his friends.
the ravenette tells himself that he should stop wallowing in his own self-pity. he is the problem and he should accept that. he wants his best friends -if they are even still friends at all- to be happy above all else.
the thought of them not being friends breaks him.
he feels his heart reincarnate itself just so it can throw itself onto the middle of the interstate to die once more before disintegrating again.
maybe this was all a test, for them to find out what sapnap was really made of, and they've unfortunately discovered that he's fucking scum of the earth.
✭・.・✫・
super short chapter
i will post part 2 in a few hours :)
love youuuuu
-kit
YOU ARE READING
count on me
Fanfiction"𝖜𝖊𝖑𝖑 𝖎𝖙'𝖘 𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊... 𝖒𝖞 𝖈𝖍𝖎𝖑𝖉," 𝖌𝖊𝖔𝖗𝖌𝖊 𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖊𝖉, 𝖘𝖜𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖔𝖜𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖉𝖔𝖜𝖓 𝖍𝖎𝖘 𝖈𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘, "𝖎 𝖉𝖔𝖓'𝖙 𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖙 𝖎𝖙 𝖙𝖔 𝖏𝖚𝖘𝖙 𝖓𝖔𝖙 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖘." "𝖇𝖚𝖙..." 𝖉𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖒 𝖚𝖗𝖌𝖊𝖉, 𝖘𝖊𝖓𝖘𝖎𝖓�...
