Dina saw it coming.
She saw it fast approaching. Its obvious signs in every place she looked as it made its arrival even more obvious. Fuck, it was pretty hard to miss. The sleepless nights, the panic attacks, the disassociating, the forgetfulness, the lack of appetite, the way she distanced herself -
Dina saw it coming before Ellie had the slightest idea what it could have been.
And yet she had done nothing to stop this outcome. Well, that's not completely true. She had tried. In her own small ways. Urging Ellie to go to sleep earlier, finding her when she couldn't sleep and needed to wander around, holding her close, whispering reassurances when she panicked, keeping her as safe as she could, reminding her where things were, putting extra things on her plate, trying desperately to get her excited about things. Dina had tried. But in the end, this is where they were.
Ellie was crouched on the floor of their kitchen, packing her things silently into a bag as Dina stood in the doorway, silent as she watched. Dina had gone unnoticed so far. Was this really it? Their relationship had come this far only for Ellie to sneak off in the middle of the night like none of this mattered to her? Like they didn't have a child together who was sleeping soundly just upstairs. Dina shook her head. Was Ellie really just going to leave?
"Hey." She sounded breathless as she spoke, watching Ellie still before turning around to look at her. A thought crossed the back of her mind as she took in her girlfriends appearance. She was wearing Joel's jacket. "Hey." Ellie whispered back, standing up and turning to properly face her. It was awkward. The tension in the air. Dina looked around aimlessly, trying to think of something, anything, to say. Something that would make her stay.
"Man, it's been a while since he's slept this long, huh?" Dina smiled when she said it, huffing a quiet laugh. Remember our son. The life we have together. Please remember our son. "He had a day." It was a short response, one that didn't require anything to be put into it. Ellie was itching to get out of this conversation. To leave. "Yeah." Dina hesitated, thinking of things to say. "He's fine." But he won't be if you leave. He won't be fine if he doesn't have you. I won't be fine if I don't have you.
"Come back to bed." Dina urged quietly, gesturing back towards the stairs as she smiled. Please, Ellie. Please come back to bed. She started to walk away, waiting for Ellie to follow as she always did on those sleepless nights. "We'll talk about it in the morning, okay?" Please. Please let us talk about it in the morning, fuck, we can talk about anything in the morning. Just let us talk this through tomorrow. When you're still here with me.
"I have to finish it." Dina felt her heart stop. Her eyes closed as she stopped walking. She shook her head before turning around, looking the woman she loved up and down in denial. This is not how it ends. She put her hands on her hips, looking at Ellie desperately. "You don't owe Tommy anything." Please listen to me. I'm right. You know I am, please Ellie. She was met with the shake of a head. "I don't sleep." I know. And I've been there to help you back to bed every single time. I've been there to hold you until your breathing goes steady and you close your eyes. I never leave you sleepless. Never.
"I don't eat." I know. And I feed you when you're tired, I give you small snacks throughout the day so you don't get overwhelmed. I put small extras on your plate so if you can't eat the next day, at least you ate more today. Please. "I'm...I'm not like you, Dina." Dina shook her head, her face scrunching up in confusion. "What?" She was trying so hard to stay calm, to not scare Ellie away. She wanted to do everything to keep Ellie here. With her. With their son. "You think this is easy?" She couldn't help it. The words were out before she knew they were there. Please, please don't leave me.
"For you, and for him, I deal with it." Because I love you. Both of you. So much. Fuck, I can't do it. Ellie, I need you. "I love you —" Ellie was hesitant. Dina knew what it meant. A quiet statement of love before a departure. One that she was certain Ellie wasn't coming back from. "Prove it." Please stay. Please, just fucking stay. I need you to stay. If you love me you'll stay. I love you. "Stay." Her words were broken. She couldn't keep doing this. Pulling Ellie back to her when it was clear all Ellie wanted to do was push away. It was exhausting, but she needed her. She needed Ellie more than she had needed anything ever.
Ellie avoided eye contact. "I can't." Those two words tore a hole through Dina's heart. She felt her chest tighten. "So, what? I'm supposed to just sit here and wait for you for god knows how long, just thinking you're fucking dead the entire time?" You can't leave me. You can't, not like this. Not like this, Ellie, please. "I don't plan on dying." Dina felt angry. Was that supposed to make her feel better? Reassure her? Why couldn't Ellie just fucking stay?
"Yeah, well neither did Jesse." I can't let you go. You have to stay. Here. With me. You can't die, not like this. You need to be here. "Or Joel." It was cruel. To bring him up when he was the reason Ellie was so torn. She couldn't help it. Dina needed her to stay. She'd do anything. Ellie stared at her for a couple seconds, debating in her head silently before she bent down, picking up her already packed bag and going in the direction of the door. "Hey, stop." Dina surged forward, holding Ellie's face gently in her hands as she tried to pull her closer. "Hey, come on." Her voice was breaking. She needed this to work. Please.
"We've got a family." Somewhere above them, JJ was asleep, blissfully unaware of what was going on below him. Please. Please don't let him grow up without you, Ellie. "She doesn't get to be more important than that." But she already is. Dina can see it in her eyes. The way Ellie isn't looking at her, not really. It's like she's in another place entirely. Perhaps a mansion, held down to the floor as her world collapsed in front of her. Ellie's hands reached up to Dina's, pulling her forward and resting their foreheads against each other as Dina forced down a sob.
"No." She pleaded quietly, feeling helpless as Ellie pulled her hands away, Dina looking up at her in defeat before turning away. She couldn't do it. She couldn't look at her. Dina let herself cry quietly as she waited. Waited for anything to happen, more words to come spilling out her mouth or the inevitable sounds of her love walking away. Leaving her. "I'm not gonna do this again." She hated the fact those words came from her. She hated that they were the things she had to say now. She hated the fact she meant them.
"That's up to you." And that was it. There were footsteps and the opening and closing of their old screen door. And that was it. She was gone. Dina stood in shock as she felt the cold air settle in her bones. She felt sick. "Fuck." A sob tore its way through her chest as she reached out to the counter tops for balance. Ellie was gone. And there was a chance she was never coming back. More cries echoed around the kitchen, going unheard from anyone but Dina as she sank to the floor in defeat.
She had seen it coming since before those obvious signs. She had seen it coming the day Abby had left them bleeding and bruised on that stone floor. She had seen it in the way Ellie was tending to her, checking that she was okay. She wasn't really there. She had been looking at her, patching her up, making sure she was okay. But Ellie wasn't there. Ellie was locked away somewhere, planning her revenge and waiting for the moment she could take it. Because it hadn't mattered how many times Dina helped her back to bed, fed her when she couldn't eat on her own, calmed her down, held her, cherished her, loved her. None of that mattered.
Because in the end, Ellie would always hate Abby more than she loved Dina.
YOU ARE READING
"You have no idea what loss is."
De TodoLittle stories I wrote that exist within The Last Of Us universe! All for fun, cause why not :D Most stories will probably be angsty, just what I write best <3 Probably won't do any x readers and there's a very small chance I'll do a part 2 to anyt...