Destiny
The sunlight peeking through the blinds caused me to wake up but the arm wrapped around my waist stopped me from getting up. Looking down I saw Jaden causing me to sight internally. Although I was beyond drunk last night I remembered every single detail of the night including the moment I told Jaden I wouldn't leave which resulted in us making love and the instant regret hit harder than any hangover.
I knew that I loved Jaden but the love I had for him stemmed from our daughter. Seeing him being a father warmed my heart but that's the only thing I liked about him. Before our daughter came into the world I knew him to be an arrogant asshole and I knew that if wasn't for her that would be my only thought of him.
Moving his arm I quickly stood up leaving the room to check in on Junior. Walking into her room right next to her fathers I watched as she slept silently until I felt his presence behind me.
"Goodmorning" he says from behind me attempting to kiss my neck but fell short when I moved away from his grasp.
"We need to talk" I reply turning towards him causing him to nod confusedly.
Stepping away from her door I shut it behind me knowing that this talk may take a turn for the worst.
Following him back into his room I shut the door behind us as I watched him patiently waiting near the edge of the bed.
"I already know what you're going to say" he says avoiding eye contact causing me to sigh.
"Listen I really do love you but not romantically" I began trying to find the right words.
"It ok Destiny. However I think it's best that you leave" he responds standing and walking over to the door to let me out.
Nodding I left even though I knew I shouldn't have. I knew that with time I could love him romantically but it felt like a betrayal to Chris even though he was no longer a physical factor.
Going into Jadens room I gave her a kiss before walking down the stairs and grabbing my keys to leave his home. Stepping into my car I quickly drove off driving in silence as I made my way home. Junior would be staying with her father until Monday so I had the next two days to myself and I was very hesitant to spend this much time alone.
Pulling into my driveway I gathered my belongings before making my way into my seemingly cold home. Without Junior my house didn't feel like a home and I felt very alone.
For the most part I did a good job of hiding how depressed I've been the last few years. I wish I could open up to the people I loved but I didn't want to be a burden so instead I threw myself into my work and when work didn't help I turned to weed and when that didn't work I spent my days in a dark room watching reruns of scandal.
If it weren't for my daughter I would have ended it all a long time ago. The pain I felt from the passing of my first love drowned me until I was left with nothing but exhaustion. Some days I couldn't even get out of bed to shower let alone feed myself but when it came to Junior I faked it the best I could.
When depression took over I felt like a horrible mother not to mention the fact that postpartum pushed me deeper into depression but I was too prideful to ask for help.
Grabbing the bottle of wine from the walk in pantry I made my way upstairs until I was in front of my bedroom door but I decided against walking inside and instead I walked to my in house office.
Going inside I sat at my desk silently staring at the picture of Chris and I at my baby shower causing me to cry.
"How could you leave me like this" I cry out-loud before picking up the picture and throwing it across the room. Slowly allowing the wine to takeover my emotions.
This was the 5th frame I've broken this week and with every broken frame I felt a little piece of myself slip away until I was nothing.
