Destiny Lashae
Today was the day we went home. It was also the day that Jaden would be meeting his daughter for the first time. A part of me didn't want him around due to the fact that he survived, and Chris didn't, but I knew that was selfish.
She wasn't just mine she was also his and he deserved to know her so as a mother I had to put my feelings to the side.
I was still silently struggling with the death of Chris, but I refused to let anyone see me cry. I only cried during the late hours at night after putting the baby down. Crying made me feel weak it was the one thing I truly hated about myself.
Growing up I always had to be strong and never show how badly things affected me. I was the oldest out of 2 and before I ever had a child of my own, I was a mother just not biologically.
Everyone told me it was ok if I wanted to break down but deep down, I knew it wasn't. My daughter needed a strong mother and that's exactly what she would get. I would be strong enough for the both of us and give her the space she needs to be vulnerable.
A knock at the door knocked me out of my thoughts. Getting up to open the door I was met with Jaden with a cast on his arm. Giving him a small smile, I let him inside. Guiding him to her room I watched as he looked down at her with a big smile.
He asked could he hold her, and I carefully picked up and placed her in his arms. Watching as she slowly relaxed in his arms brought tears to my eyes. Leaving the room, I went into the kitchen to gather my emotions before I could breakdown.
Grabbing my phone, I scrolled on social media for what seemed like forever before I heard Jaden coming towards me causing me to place my phone face down.
"How you feeling?" I heard causing me to finally look in his direction. I couldn't look in his eyes, so I stared at the chains that sat on his chest.
"I'm trying my best" I say finally meeting his eyes but this time his eyes were everywhere else other than me.
Opening his mouth to say something he closed it before words could come out creating an awkward silence. "She's beautiful isn't she" I say directing the conversation towards our daughter.
"Yea, I'm already knowing she gone have me wrapped around her lil finger" He responds smiling and I knew I could never hate him because we shared that same twinkle in our eyes when we talked about her.
We talked for a minute before he got a phone call and decided to leave letting me know he would be back to see her in the morning. Turning off all the lights in the house I finally got the chance to lay down but that was cut short by the softest cry.
Sighing, I got up to go get her from her crib before rocking her to sleep. Going into my room I gently placed her on the bed before lying next to her. Looking at the time on my phone read 2:45 am I closed my eyes knowing I had to be up at 7 am to go to work.
