The Wizard of Elsewhere

1.14 - Cunning Deceits

The Great winds care not for the trees in their path. But the trees can stand firm and weather, or falter and fall forever.

— Witch Alainna The Forthright and Forewarned

* * *

"Your losing it Barney."

"I will thank you, to not call me by that name, Hat." Barnibus answered evenly. It was important to be dignified about such things, even if they seemed mundane.

"What name? Barney? Its a nickname. Your nickname. And I am your Hat, against all of my vast and far superior judgement. Why shouldn't I call you 'Barney'?"

"Because I am not a Barney, Hat." Barnibus retorted, still evenly. And, because he was being even, he threw in a belated, "'T'all!" And blushed under his beard. "I am a Wizard! And this Wizard's name is Barnibus Jefferson Montgomery Barnwinkle!"

"Ye-es..." Hat responded with an elongated pause. "Yes, bravo. You are a — echem —" Hat coughed even though he obviously had no throat that needed clearing — "Yes. A Wizard... mediocre one. And I am a Hat. I still don't see —"

"Oh, beard burrs Hat! I don't want to be called Barney!"

"... Barnibus then." And Barnibus kept himself stately and calm even though he could hear the eye-roll in Hat's voice. Even though Hat had no eyes to roll.... Or a voice to be inflected by such. "You're losing it, Barnibus." His hat said.

Barnibus paced away from the table and over to one of the bookshelves. After a moment he asked, "What am I losing?"

"Your mind. What else?"

Barnibus reached again to rest his hand on the spine of one of the books. The book tried to skitter away from him.

"And... don't do that." Hat said, sounding strained. "Its hard enough keeping this room in order without having to generate all the information too."

"Ah." Barnibus dropped his hand, feeling sullen. He really wanted to touch the book. The leather binding called to him and so did that chair in front of the fire.

Oh! If only he could just take the book from the shelf and recline on that chair and kick his feet up and read like he used to.

He really wanted to, he realized. More than just about anything else in the world right now. He just wanted to be a Wizard, in his library, and do Wizardly things. Like read. Or brew a potion. Or — actually, just reading sounded good. This book, with its dark, aged, brown leather and the title he could make out in faded etching on the spine 'Grimoire of —' and a name he was pretty sure was 'Emanuel'. It called to him.

Barnibus sighed and turned away. He paced. "My mind seems as present in my head as it ever did, Hat."

"Oh? Well if you haven't lost your mind, Barne — Barnibus — How do you think I've stuck it in here?"

Barnibus harrumphed, and Pondered a moment on this dilemma. "Well, it occurs to me that you might have always had this ability, Hat." Barnibus responded finally.

"I assure you, this is new even for me."

"Ah!" Barnibus exclaimed jabbing his finger above his head. "Well, then if you have not been able to do this before, and my mind is not lost, than I must have lost something entirely different!"

"....And what is that?"

"My body."

"Your body...".