Diαмσиd Cяσw

𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐂𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

There are no words, languages, gestures or even thoughts that can express the pain of loss. It is so deeply aching and soul-wrenching with inordinate care, cutting slowly and painfully with the blunt side of the knife. The pain is phenomenal, incredibly painful, extraordinarily painful, fatally painful. It's pain, pain, pain, just pain. And it doesn't give in, it doesn't calm down, it doesn't give up. And the soul writhes, revolves, cries, screams and groans in dull moans that take over the body, make the spirit stagger and stun. The pain of loss has no sound, no voice, and invades the core of being silently and cruelly, making the body hurt and sick. It massacres the soul to such an extent that everything around it loses its meaning. Everything loses the glow of life. The eyes look but see nothing, the ears hear without hearing anything, the arms fall without feeling any support, any whisper of comprehension or understanding. Only the taste of the blood of pain is perceived in the depths of the heart that bleeds, dies and sinks into the depths of the earth, of dust. And everything turns into deep, cutting pain like a razor's edge. The senses lose their reason for being. Robotized the body and we walk, lost and anesthetized from there to here, from here to there, bewildered, confused, stunned and completely lost from ourselves. Forgotten of everything and everyone, except the pain that tears, hurts and scratches the heart until the blood spurts in profuse tears and inaudible screams. The pain of loss sinks deep and makes a grave of the soul where we ardently want to bury ourselves, in absolute silence, in endless darkness, in eternal sleep. It makes you wish for death and seek the end of everything, including yourself, to silence... the pain... There are no words that define the intensity of the pain of loss. It is so incredibly painful that we lose definition and expression of what we feel. Nothing else matters. Anything. The pain of loss is too heavy. Impossible to carry alone. For this reason, for all this, we will have to seek strength to endure, however deep, poignant and painful it may be, however terrifying and insensitive... We will have to protect ourselves from pain, to wake up and fight to live, even the soul in hiccups, even if the spirit, anesthetized by pain, loses the will to fight and continue to live... we will protect ourselves from pain in the breath of the arms of love, which is the only thing that makes everything possible, for him, with him , endure... my eyes opened, and then stayed on the ceiling, yet said nothing; I didn't even move a muscle, the tears fell slowly and silently down my face, I didn't want to hear it, not even wake up, I just wanted to lie down and never survive again, how can I live in a world without the person I really loved? I couldn't even say goodbye, I would never again see the face of the woman who mattered most in my life, her voice would not ring in my ear, or soothe me when I was distressed, I found myself alone, in the room in sector 5, the agricultural one, those nightmares accompany me, as well as this unbearable pain in my chest that I could never deal with, loneliness would be the best company ever, however a touch made me wake up to reality, my mother was there in the room, his screams should have woken her up .
________ I need to be alone.. It's natural and healthy to be sad and feel pain for the loss of someone dear. But when we don't pick up the pieces and keep moving forward, it's as if a part of our soul is incomplete, we feel an emptiness that nothing and no one can fill. I felt that way at the time, however was it really wise to be alone? I had no idea if it was or not, yet I just didn't want to be seen so exposed, so subtly open, the defenses were non-existent and I, Nathan Crowther, was not the same now as before, in fact I felt that my soul , cheerful and bright, had darkened forever and ever and became dark, bitter and painful, someone who in himself was no longer the same.
_________ I know dear.. - She pursed her lips, uncomfortable with the expression on my face - Actually, I came to call you to get up, the presentation of the last enlisted will be this morning.. I turned my face noting that it was already dawn and the sun's rays were entering the room, I sighed and then got up.
_________ Okay... - I replied to the queen who kissed me on the forehead and left my room. The day was monotonous and full of protocols, another day in paradise, I think to myself walking towards the last of those enlisted to compete for the Diamond crown, Elizabeth Murbeck proved to be skilled in the culinary art and won the coveted position, if you analyze it the girl in question beauty could describe her as a bright sun, a wide smile was present, something genuine and true; in terms of physics she carried unique details because she did not have thin legs or arms that could easily break, in reality the country girl was curvy and yet charming in a captivating way, her silver hair gleamed in the sunlight, as well as her gray irises.
_________ Your Highness... - She expressed staring at me with extreme concentration.
_________ Miss Murbeck it's a great pleasure to meet you.. - I speak politely taking her fingers in mine and then depositing a kiss afterwards, however the last time those words left my lips they had not been received in a positive way, the redhead ravenous came into my mind for mere seconds, few due to the fact that Elizabeth made me stare at her by saying.
_________ The greatest pleasure is mine.. - A sly smile appeared on the lips of the silver-haired girl.
_________ I think we're going to get along very well.. - She smiled in agreement being taken right away by one of the photographers, in my thoughts all that remained were the mere seconds of which still bothered me, "How could I take pleasure in meeting someone who doesn't care about his own people?.." I prank making a very rude sound, and then I don't realize it, the main minister of the sector came towards me, heavens! I won't have time to run away!