Esme Greene [Working on a title]

Cₕₐₚₜₑᵣ ₒₙₑ: ₙₑw Bₑgᵢₙₙᵢₙgₛ

      The sweet little town of San Lois Obispo haunted her. Moving haunted her. The mere thought of living haunted her. Haunted me. The reason I refer to myself as her is something that's hard for me to explain, it would be hard for anyone to explain. I can't take pictures of myself. Happy little poleroids screaming nostalgic memories. I see her in them. Looking back over the lovely printed out pictures in albums, everything exaggerated to be more than it seemed sickened me to my utter core. Life isn't really as it seems. Everyone is looking for their happy medium but there is no happy medium.
    In those pictures, I see someone different. It's like I have two personalities. When I take the picture, the feelings I have in that moment seem like they will stay forever, but I only think that because that is the current second I'm living in. You will always be able to look back at memories and judge something that you did. There are millions of solutions to one problem, and not one is the right one. Everything is based on chance. You could be born pretty, or smart, or rich. Or ugly, dumb and poor. That is one of the things I hate most about this cruel world. Everything is chance, and nothing is choice.
     A flash of sunlight speared through the quickly passing trees which parted every now and again. The little golden rays being welcomed through the clear glass smudged with tiny hand prints. Each beam displayed understanding, and every tree which cut off the flashes of light symbolized the crashing realization that nothing would ever be completely understood. You might ask me, "Why so pessimistic?" but truly, there is no such thing as optimism.
     "Only a few more miles left" a smooth, yet slightly withered with age, voice spoke in a melancholic tone. Her voice reminded me off old wood, worn down with time, but wearing it down only made it stronger. The voice was my Mother, Ruth Greene, commonly referred to as Mz. Greene.
     Ruth was widowed ten years ago when I was only six. I never knew much of him, since he was a pilot. He would travel everywhere, doing whatever pilots do. You must be thinking "He died in a plane crash, right?" or, "Who even is he?". No, he didn't and he, is my father. I really don't know much of how he died, or if he even did die. So many questions! No one knows much of how or if he died. I often think people are hiding the way he died from me. I never really minded that much, but my mom does.
     You must be sighing and rolling your eyes. You're thinking, "yet another depressing coming of age story where the protagonist's parental figure is dead!" I'd be thinking the same thing. However, it wouldn't be an autobiography if I didn't include my dead dad. Don't worry though, he never really was a part of my pathetic life, so he won't be included in this pathetic story.
     Now it's time to address the elephant in the room. Where am I currently? The car. Why am I in the car? Traveling to San Louis Obispo. Why am I traveling there? Ask my mom. I have an idea for why she is dragging me away from my home town in Seattle, Washington. Possibly to discard the memories and start over. Maybe a chance at living a normal life. If normal even existed. Every day there is a new normal. Every day the beauty standard changes. Every day people change. Every day the world grows a day older. Nothing is normal everything just exists the way it exists, and there is nothing you can do to change that.
     A small fluffy creature daintily padded onto my lap as I gazed out the silver Toyota land cruiser's window. I glanced down at the the fuzzy little being, her gray eyes gazed up into mine and her pupils enlarged.
"Tsk, tsk, here kitty" I whispered to her as she settled on my lap. Golden sun quickly slashed through the trees, enlightening her gray, black, and brown, mottled fur.
     The cat wobbled as the car went over a bump, curling her legs underneath her chest and tucking her tail by her side. She closed her large marble eyes and began to purr, the low rhythmic rumble deep in her chest buzzed like a mechanical bee. My expressionless face slightly uplifted at the sight of the cat. My cat. Her purring slowly faltered as she fell into sleep.
     "Good girl Dainty... Good girl" I whispered as Dainty's body relaxed, her fur slowly began to stand upright, increasing her size to warm her up.
     Where was I..? Nothing is normal. Right. You must be bored of my deep thoughts that aren't actually that deep. I can say anything and you'll automatically believe me and take it to be fact. I could have said I was born in the 1800's and my name was Olen Van Schrodinger and you would have believed me. Now you most likely wont trust the next few things I say, but that's only because I put those thoughts into your mind.
     I Inhaled slowly, turning my head towards the smudged window, covered with hand prints from possibly years ago. After I had breathed in the full capacity of my lungs, I sighed, letting all the air drain from them.
     "Esme?" Ruth murmured, glancing at me in the passenger seat of the car. I returned the gaze and slightly frowned.
     "Yeah?" I responded, my voice quiet and dull. I knew she was going to ask me if I was alright or if something was wrong. She usually did when I sighed.
     "Do you want to stop at a gas station for snacks?" My mother replied, taking a long turn to the left.
     "I do! I do!" A cheeky voice chirped in the backseat. Apparently the sleeping beauty had awoken.
     "Yeah, sure" I responded, blinking slowly as my eyes adjusted to the light flickering through the window. The sun had just about set, and it's blinding rays were streaking from behind the  trees that now only dappled the landscape. We were getting closer to our destination.
     "It looks like our little Benji has awoken from his trance!" My mom's chipper voice sounded as she made a turn into a Shell gas station.
     "Can I have some sour patch kids and a... and some beef jerky and a Gatorade. Wait no and a red bull" Benjiman bumbled, his words seem to blend into each other as he spoke.
     "No red bulls! You need to sleep, we're going to arrive at the new house in a day and I want you to be asleep the whole time so I can concentrate on driving" Ruth responded quickly, she was a very nervous driver and needed to pay full attention to the road at all times.
     "Fine then, a blue Gatorade and not the yucky Gaterlite's they taste like yucky salt" Benji grumbled, crossing his arms.
     "Esme, does Gatorade have caffeine in it?" Ruth asked as she pulled slowly into a parking spot a ways away from the entrance. A single dull, flickering light was the only source for guidance to find the entrance to the gas station.
     I glanced back at my brother to see him pouting, he stared up at me and motioned please with his hands and I sighed loudly, turning around. "I don't think so, lemme check".
     "Mk, hurry up though, I don't want to be in this sketchy parking lot for long, I've watched way too many murder mysteries and true crime documentaries where kids and adults get kidnapped.." Ruth's voice trailed off as she sighed, gripping the wheel.
      I bent over to my feet and unzipped the black duffel back which contained the things I needed, mostly wanted, while on this forty-eight hour trip. As I stretched over, I sucked in my stomach to keep from disturbing the cat that still lay sleeping on my lap. My efforts were pointless, because Dainty lifted her head and jumped from my lap. I pulled out my IPhone and clicked it on, scrolling to Safari and searching, "Does Gatorade have caffeine in it".  I clicked on the top answer and read it aloud.
     "As we've seen, Gatorade doesn't have caffeine. Unlike energy drinks, it doesn't act as a stimulant. Drinking Gatorade in the evening is not likely to keep you awake. However, because it contains plenty of sugar, it will boost your energy levels" I read directly from the article.
     "Please! I already slept for all day! Mamma..." Benji whined, kicking the back of the withered beige leather chair.
     "Hmm.." My mom clicked her tongue and sighed, shaking her head, "Fine. Only because you've been good and haven't disturbed me all day. Esme do you want to come in with me?" She asked, turning over to glance at me.
     "Okay I guess" I murmured, setting my phone in the cup holder in front of the dashboard. I quickly changed my mind and slid it into my plain black pajama pants.
      I grasped the car door, pulling on the handle, it clicked and I glanced back to my mom, "can you unlock the car?" I asked. She looked up and nodded, continuing to scramble for the right key, since our car's built in lock was broken.
      When we moved from our house in Seattle, Ruth had to find every key she owned and put them all on one key chain. We all had a habit of loosing things, from keys to wallets. Just yesterday when we stopped at a restaurant, my mom had lost her phone. I had to call it and an employer answered. That alone took an extra hour to turn around, retrieve it, and get back in the road.
      Once I heard the chink of the car unlocking, I pulled on the handle, stepping out into the slightly warm Nevada air. I knew we were in Nevada, since there were so many Nevada license plates that anyone could assume we were in the Silver State.
     "Let's hurry, I don't want to keep Benji in there alone for too long" Ruth said, shutting the car door behind her.
      I nodded and we both scampered to the flickering light just outside our car, turning to reveal the whole other side of the gas station. Me and my mother made our way to the entrance, the glass door glowing with unnatural bright white lights from the inside. I pulled open the handle and held it open for my mom, she smiled and thanked me and we both walked in.
       The inside of the building was extremely cold, most likely from the air conditioner pumping 24/7 since Nevada could reach up to 100F in the summer. I checked my fit bit, it was August 14th. My mom immediately turned to the drink aisle and I went the opposite way to the candy.
      Rows upon rows of candy decked the shelves. I scanned the columns for sour patch kids and only found the extreme sour kind. Benji loved sour things, so I grabbed that one and searched for a Hershey's cookies and cream bar. I only found a dark chocolate bar and frowned, the only Hershey's bar I liked was the cookies and cream one. My next option was Haribo gold bears. I immediately found them on the shelf. As I read the label I felt a tap on my shoulder.
     "Esme, hurry! Why are you so slow at everything?" Ruth asked, her voice ever so slightly high pitched.
      I was taken aback, why did she snap at me so quickly? I opened my mouth to answer, but just shut it. I grasped the sour patch kids and the Haribo bears and glanced at my mom's arms. She carried a blue Gatorade, a Bubbly and a beef jerky stick.
     "Are you going to get anything to eat?" I asked, we both began to walk to the register. Ruth shook her head and set the items on the counter.
     "Did you find everything alright?" The cashier asked, his voice energetic, but his expression not so much.
     "Mhm!" My mom nodded her head politely. "Do you want to get anything to drink Esme?" She asked me quietly.
     "Wait a sec, I'll be right back" I murmured, skittering away to the drink aisle.
      I threw open a door, even colder air than the AC blasted in my face and I chattered, grabbing a naked mango smoothie. As I turned around I saw a man in all black, I jumped slightly and quickly speed walked back to my mom. All of those crime shows had poisoned me.
      The scanner beeped as the Cashier waved the red blinking light over my drink. He looked up at me and placed the drink in front of my mom. "That's thirteen dollars and forty cents".
      My mom got out her black credit card, handed it to the man, who looked to be mid twenties, and smiled. Somehow he looked familiar. I glanced at his name tag and it read, 'Felix'. Something about Felix felt oddly familiar and comforting. Was it his dull, expressionless face? Or his cheery greeting and tone? I would never know.
     As soon as my mother's card was given back to her, and she was handed the items we had bought, we left. I raced with both bags in hand to the car door. I waited as Ruth slowly found the right key, and unlocked the car. I leapt into the seat and hunted through the plastic bag. I grasped ahold of the Gatorade, beef jerky and sour patch kids. I turned around and placed them in Benji's lap. He immediately ripped open candy and began to chew vigorously on the sour gummies. My dry mouth watered at the idea of eating something sour. I hated sour things.
     "Okay, buckle up, and let's get back on the road". Ruth murmured as she turned the key in the vehicle.
     I reached over and clicked on the radio and it began to play an unfamiliar song. It's tune was melancholy and it's rhythm was beginning to burn into my memory. I glanced down at the radio, but it seemed to not show the name of the song. I'd have to look it up later.
     I sighed deeply and slowly as my mother pulled from the parking spot and onto the road. The music gently playing through the car was a sweet break from reality. I gazed into the now dark sky and layer my head against the taut seatbelt. It rocked slowly with the car's movements and I began to feel sleep's presence.
      I closed my eyes and let my mind take me on a journey, one that I so often enjoyed more than life itself.

Thank you for reading Chapter One.