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I SAT ON MY BATHROOM FLOOR WITH TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE
i could hear 'snow fall' by xxxtentacion & Killstation still blasting from my room since my bedroom door was still open and because i had the song on repeat before i started crying
i in all honestly made myself feel this way, i bottled up everything i felt until i stopped liking myself , so now with hate for myself , not having therapy for awhile, and my dad being gone did it to me + some kids from my old middle school have been dm me
now usually it would take a lot more then that to get me to cry, but when bottling everything up i'm 10x more sensitive , and i would confide in my dad but he still wasn't here
in a sense i'm attached to my dad i've never not seen him for more then 1 day and whenever i was having episodes like this he was always there comforting me, picking me up from my mom doing whatever it takes to make sure i'm okay
"Ayla, listen just come out and i can help" Ty said while on the phone with my dad since he heard me rush to the bathroom and heard me crying
he didn't necessarily know about my mental health past but he knew it shouldn't be normal for a 15 yr old girl to lock herself in a bathroom and cry
"ayla your dad wants to talk to you" he said sliding his phone under the door , as i gasped for air since i couldn't stop crying , i put the phone up to my ear to hear him
"listen breath, in and out , okay? everything is okay you are safe, no one is against you, we love you hermosa" my dad said with slight panic is his voice since he wasn't here to stop any bad decision making
"i can't dad" i cried out while laying down on the cold bathroom floor "you can't what?" he asked me "i can't do this, i don't want to do this anymore" i cried as Ty was messing with the bathroom doorknob
"why, why don't you want to?" he asked , i could tell he was outside "people are so mean, i'm so mean everything is just- idk everything is like against me" i said attempting to calm myself down and attempted to explain my feelings
"Ayla, i'm not against you i promise, Nicole isn't against you and Ty isn't against you, that one boy isn't against you. you have people that love you okay? you're loved and cared for, i don't want you to even think for a split second that you're not wanted. i promise you're wanted" he said trying to calm me down
"okay" was all i could get out ,since i still wasn't calm "now be honest did you hurt yourself?" my dad asked after awhile of silence as i tried to calm myself down, as Ty got the door unlocked and open "butter knifes always work" Ty said happy that he got the door open
"i'm sorry" i said still crying , 'sorry' was all i kept saying , Ty eventually got me to sit up against the wall before he tried to calm me down
him and my dad talked on the phone for like 30 seconds before Ty hung up "it's okay, you're okay- i don't know what to say" Ty said making me chuckle "okay,, we are getting somewhere" he said smiling "let's clean your cuts up" he said helping me up
he took me to the kitchen before he grabbed the things to clean my cuts "i'm sorry" i said looking at him cleaning the fresh cuts on my wrist
"don't be sorry, you did nothing wrong to me, i want to help you" he said putting bandaids on the cuts "i know but i had you stressed out when i was in the bathroom crying" i said shaking my head and getting off the counter
"yea cause i didn't want you to kill youself" he said throwing away the trash "you don't deserve to die, you're to young and have so much potential" he said passing me half of his sandwich
i looked down at it confused "i'm usually hungry after i cry so here take it" he said handing me the sandwich "thank you for helping me" i mumbled sitting back on the counter sitting crisscross
(crisscross applesauce😛) (idk this is so awkward to write)
"of course" he said looking at me "why tho? like why lock yourself when you need the most help?" he asked confused "i don't like being a burden" i said shrugging
"you're not a burden, it's actually refreshing to help you, that sounds wrong but like it's nice to see that other people struggle and i'm not the only one you know?" he asked before taking a bite of his sandwich "you struggle too?" i asked with a confused face
"yea, i tried to like..you know?.....kill myself like last year , cause i thought i was alone, or that no one cared for me, so i know what you feel like and now i know you know what i feel like, therefor i'm not alone" he said explaining everything to me
"ohh, yea, nah, i'm happy you're here still" i said doing a small smile at him "thank you, i'm also happy you're still here" he said looking at me before we busted out laughing
"nah we so corny" Ty said laughing which made me laugh harder
in that moment i knew that i now have someone else to confide in, and that Ty will always be there for me
forever
.....
hopefully
a/n i feel like this is so fucking corny NOT PROOF READ enjoy!
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