I'm here // JJ Maybank

13

The ride back to the chateau is long. My thoughts race the entire way. I find myself fabricating a story to tell the group to save myself from the scolding. I make it to the two familiar houses. Mine is dark and quiet, the Chateau next to it is dark, but you can see light shinning from the back. I leave my bike on the side of my house and run my sweat palms on my shorts. My emotions start to weigh heavy on my chest and I can feel the tears pricking again. I've never felt this ashamed and embarrassed of a situation ever in my life. I walk to the back and see Kie, Pope, and John B sitting by the tree with a fire in front of them.
"Hey guys" I weakly say. I slap myself for not sounding more enthusiastic because they know me too well and will immediately know something is wrong. Pope is the first to see me and smiles widely at me. I can always count on Pope to make me feel warm inside, always welcoming me with a big smile. John B and Kie turn around in their seats. John B is about to say hi, but takes a quick look at me and knits his eyebrows together.
"Hey Mel, how'd it go? Your back early." Kie says with no certain emotion.
"Uh.. it was fine. Wasn't really fun." I said still making my way over to them. John B still just watches me intently, one slip and he'll know everything that's wrong. I send him a dampened smile and I could see all the alarms go off in his head.
"What happened Mel" he asks kinda intensely. Too intensely because the second he asked tears started to rush down. I quickly become even more embarrassed now that I'm crying so I turn around and head towards my house. I hear quick footsteps behind me and then arms wrap around me. John B holds me and I sob in his arms. I turn myself around and return the hug, nestling my face into his chest. He doesn't say anything, he just holds me tighter.
"Hey guys, we are gonna need to get more beer, there's only two left" I hear JJ say in the distance followed by Kie telling him to shut up. I pull away from John B and look over at JJ who stands frozen looking at me and John B.
"What happened? Did someone hurt you? Im gonna kill those freaking kooks man" JJ says dropping his beer on the ground and making his way to where me and John B stand.
"No no guys im fine. Im fine" I say wiping away my tears and trying to recollect myself.
"You're not fine Mel" John B says looking at me with the most sympathetic look in his eyes it makes me want to crawl into a hole and die.
I don't really know how to respond, especially since everyone is not intently watching me. God if I had just bottled it I could be sipping a cold beer by the fire right now. The only thing I can muster up is shaking my head no. I don't want to talk about it truly. John B nods, knowing me and knowing I would tell them if I wanted to. He doesn't push, and neither do the rest. John B goes back and grabs me his beer that's barely touched, he hands it to me and I gratefully take it. He goes inside to grab another one and I make my way over and sit by the fire. JJ watches my every move like a hawk before sitting down next to me. I zone out on the flames and kie and pope continue whatever conversation they were having before. JJ nudges my shoulder with his, taking me out of my trance and causing me to look at him.
"Do you want to go home?" He asks softly.
"Let me finish this first." I say followed by a long sip from the still cold beverage. I listen to the others debate about something. After a while I finish my beer and stand up to go.
"I'm gonna head home. I'm slumped. I'm sorry guys." I say quietly.
"Don't say sorry. Love you, I'll see you tomorrow yeah?" John B says.
"Yeah. Um but you guys were right, I shouldn't have gone. I should have listened."
"When aren't we right" kie says trying to lighten the mood. I chuckle and nod my head. I say my I love yous (be sure to tell your loved ones that you love them always) and head to my house. JJ follows me and I stop him.
"You don't have to come. If you want to stay and drink do, I'm okay I promise" I say putting my hand on his chest to stop him from walking forwards. He takes my hand off his chest and intertwines his fingers with mine.
"I don't want to stay" he says quietly. I nod my head and start to walk towards my house again. He released my hand and goes to say his goodbyes to the group. He quickly catches back up to me and takes my hand once again. We make our way into my house through the back door and head straight to my room. JJ takes off his shoes and plops onto my bed. I go into my closet and pull out a tshirt that I stole from one of the boys, and some spandex to wear to bed. I also grab JJ shorts to sleep in and throw them to him. I take my clothes and change in the bathroom, washing and brushing my teeth while in there. I come back to my room to see JJ has made himself more than comfortable in my bed. I get in on my side and lay on my back staring at the ceiling.
"Do you want to talk about it?" JJ asks laying on his side so that he's looking at me.
"Why do boys suck?" I ask. He chuckles beside me.
"What did Andrew do?" He asks now serious.
"If I tell you, you can't get mad okay?" I say turning onto my side so that I can see him.
"I've been mad since he came to pick you up, so it's a little late for that." He says all too serious.
"When he asked me to the party, it felt like he was asking me because he liked me. Like he was always so nervous and shit. But at the party he treated me like every other guy does. Like I'm only good for one night. I don't know I thought this time would be different." I say playing with my comforter to distract myself enough not to cry.
"Did you guys..." JJ starts but I cut him off by shaking my head.
"No. We almost did but I said no. I told myself and kie I wouldn't and I'm not a liar." I say lighthearted.
"But when I said no he went off on me. Telling me that I'm supposed to be the easy one. I left for a second to get my head straight and when I came back I saw him slip something into my drink." I say the last part slowly and quiet, knowing that JJ is a lose cannon. JJ takes a long inhale, I can tell he's trying to be calm for me.
"He tried to drug you Mel. You don't deserve that, you deserve someone who wants to protect you, not hurt you." He says, his voice starts to rise as he becomes more and more unable to control his temper.
"I know. Kinda starting to believe that doesn't exist, or maybe there's something wrong with me" I turn back to lay on my back and close my eyes, starting to feel tired.
"You're perfect Mel stop. Their somewhere out there, I promise." He says turning to also lay on his back. I turn my head and look at JJ and the way that the fire outside illuminates his face. His jaw is clenched and he stares at the ceiling not blinking. I shuffle myself to him, laying my head on his bare chest. He's tense at first, but quickly relaxes and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I can feel his heart in his chest start to quicken.

I'm not sure what I'm doing right now, but all I know is that it feels right.