Nevermore She never knew

Too Much

The worst of my imaginable days came. Felt even worse the first time I was supposed to go to your school. Or my police record was almost added an attempted murder. That would have been tantamount to failure. The same failure of not having saved you.

How exactly did that happen? 

I had it all figured out, exposing Miss Thornhil with your help.

Oh how I enjoyed stopping a serial killer couple with you, my dear. In the end, if all had been well, I would have confessed my love to you. That had been my plan, but what happened next I still can't understand.

She killed you. She poisoned you with a syringe. I didn't see it coming. Something I would only let my enemies slowly take advantage of. Not a quick death, no. The slow poisoning and the agony in the eyes can see how slowly the life light disappears.

But to have to see these very agonies in you, as you torture yourself sweetly, broke my heart and it is broken forever.

I alone couldn't save you my love.

I live every day with these images and with the guilt. If only it had been me.

I could have lived with it, your life would have gone on and you would never have known about my love.

Well, you don't now either, only with the difference that I still love you and will for eternity.

I have to reproach myself every day that I will never again be able to see you, my tender love, never again be able to hear your gentle, reproving voice.

But, I need this every day. 

I feel like I'm losing my mind and it's tearing me apart inside.

To never again be able to trust anyone that I am willingly and intentionally misbehaving of sorts.

Larissa could take no more. She let her tears run free. What had she done? She should have known. She should have seen it in Wednesday's eyes when she died. The pain the girl felt. She had tried to find Wednesday shortly after, but ultimately decided against looking further.

And now here she sat, with Wednesdays half novel of open feelings and it tearing her apart. She cried bitterly, sobbing until she could barely see. How had she ever done this to her?

She didn't understand herself anymore. Maybe it was the red wine that gave more expression to her emotions and made them fall apart. She didn't know for sure. She only realized how her own heart was crying bitterly. She wanted Wednesday to know that she was alive, that she was drawn to her in just that way. But how was she going to do that?

An eternity had passed, during which Larissa simply wept. But she wanted to finish this story. She blew her nose, rubbed the tears from her face and continued reading.

I still remember my first encounter with you. It was so intense that I couldn't concentrate. I cursed this situation, because I had only lost the fencing, because my thoughts were already only with you.

I knew that you could fence too and the idea of seeing you with the saber made my stomach turn. I would have loved to see you my dear. That pride you always had and that arrogance you could display. It was a poem of perfection and I would have done anything to be able to challenge you.

I didn't know how to interpret your first advances and I still wonder if you knew then that I loved you?