Till There Was You [FINISHED]

Chapter 5: The Persuasion

I feel him caress my knuckles and wrap one of his hands around the right side of my neck. I am brought back to the present and realized that I travelled down memory lane for a few minutes.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes..."

He looks me in the eyes and for a second I thought he's going to lean further and-

"Why didn't you tell me about the sponsorship?" I refrain myself from reading too much into this so I try to change the topic.

He responds after moving his eyes away from mine and stare at a distance with a look of sympathy on his face. 

"I visited my grandma in Gyeongsang and on my way back to Seoul, I saw a shelter sitting far from the highway.When looked closer, I saw children happily playing around.So I got my people to do some research. I didn't know you were associated with them."

"Then why were you so adamant to meet the founder before?" I wonder.

"Of course, I would want to meet the one I was actually signing up with. But you got good people. Jihwan was very professionally convincing that I let it slide."

Fair point.So it was not premeditated at all. He genuinely cared for the kids.

I pout... Did I just pout?! Tsk, I need to get a grip.

I put back on a serious look. "You got me all worked up that time you know. I even considered meeting up without fully realizing the consequences of exposure to a newly signed sponsor."

He chuckles. Oh how I miss that!What am I doing?This is not what I have in mind. I just wanted to clear things up before I tell him to go home and never look back at me again.

"Sorry about that."

"It's getting late, you should go."

He does not budge from his position. Instead, he continues to caress my neck. I stop myself from closing my eyes. I raise my hand and hold his to stop what he is doing. He pauses but does not let go. 

"I am serious, Hye Soo. Let us start over."

He leaves me no choice but to say the words I've been meaning to avoid. 

"But I still can't give you-"

He beats me to it."Shhh, I understand. Let's take it slow. I don't ever want to put you under that pressure again.I can't stress enough how sorry I am about how it made you feel.If you don't want marriage, then I don't want it too. All I need is you."

I look away. I am still conflicted. I did not expect him to come barging into my space again after just half a year. I am not disappointed, but I don't feel extremely comfortable about it as well.

Liar. My subconscious is at it again.

Him showing up again means expectations. And I don't want to feel any tension or uncertainty at this point. Before he came into my life, I was so dedicated to my career that it made me let go of the desire to have a partner and just focus on nurturing what I have and go on with my life alone.I stopped thinking that dating, much more marrying was for me. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I internally panicked when he proposed. Because back then, accepting his proposal would mean losing a big part of me that I built when he was not yet in it. Have I been unfair to him by breaking up? I do not want to dwell on that anymore.

However, I admit that within the six months that we're apart, I couldn't help but miss him too. Sometimes, I'd get gifts from dedicated admirers which I deeply appreciate but I felt there was something missing. Some men would even approach me but they all fade in the background when I reminisce what Ha Joon and I had. But I managed to get through those times. I guess my heart is still doing fine.

Liar. So much for trying to block my subconscious

"But Ha Joon, I cannot promise you anything at this point." 

And that's true. I just want to live peacefully without conflicts. I am too afraid to gamble on a relationship.

"Then just let me be by your side.That is enough for me."

I remain silent for a moment because I'm at a loss for words. I mean how could I respond to that? I couldn't banish a person that I don't hate.

Before I can speak again, he suddenly blurts out a challenging thought with a little force.

"Tell me you have never loved me, that you don't anymore then I will do as you say and you'll never see me again.Tell me..." He says with some glimmer in his eyes. He's one of a kind,too openly emotional for a man and that's one thing I like about him.

I look down because I will be lying if I say that. He's the only man that I have let this close. I shut my eyes and imagine my tomorrows without him. I guess I will be fine but why do I feel a pang of sadness? I move my hand to massage my chest. I can feel pins piercing my heart again.

He cups my cheek and makes me look at him.

"I can accept your decision on marriage, but I can't accept your decision on not giving us a chance when I feel that I still hold a place in you."

And the dam bursts ever so slightly. He wipes the tears before they even begin to completely fall. 

"I'm afraid Ha Joon..." That's all I can give him because I couldn't explain what it is I'm afraid of. Falling out of love? Unending complications? Uncertainties? Disappointments? I really don't know and I am frustrated with myself because of this.One thing is for sure, I am not a risk taker. I make my decisions wisely and carefully. I don't jump on the bandwagon that easily. But I will be betraying myself if I say that I don't ever want to see him again. That would break me somehow.

"Don't be, I will hold your hand I promise. I will never hurt you. I promise you that. Please let me take care of you."

I instinctively hug him. I don't think I can ever return the selflessness of this man. Any woman will be lucky- No, I don't want to imagine him with other women. No. What is happening to me? One moment I resist so much, the next thing I know, I get possessive over him.

He chuckles. "I guess I have my answer."

He squeezes me before he moves away and cups my cheek with both of his hands."I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, Ha Joon."

He kisses my forehead and stands up. He goes to his side of the couch and reaches for his green tea that has already gone cold from witnessing our emotional exchange.

He drains the water from the tea bag into the cup and proceeds to sit beside me. I frown as I have no clue what he is up to. Then gently, he attempts to pat the drained teabag on my eyes. 

I laugh as I dodge his hands. "What are you doing?" 

His other hand holds my cheek still and pats the teabag on my eyes again. "This will help with the puffy eyes. I made you cry again, tsk."

I blush a little. His sweetness is killing me.

Lucky girl! I roll my eyes at my subconscious.

Time really passes by quickly. Almost a couple of hours later, I am closing my front door as I see him enter the car with his driver already waiting for him.

What a birthday surprise.