Chapter 4: The Flashback

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The first floor of my house is a big open space fitting the living room, kitchen and a corner for music player and piano.You can easily see my kitchen from the living room. I can somehow feel that his eyes are following me while preparing the tea.

When I sit down on the couch across him, I notice that he's staring past me.I know what he is looking at. It is a fridge magnet he carelessly put there and had really no time to retrieve it until we parted ways.

"I would like to work things out with you."

I am taken aback by what he said. Did I hear it wrong?

"Ha Joon..."

He takes few deep breaths until he is able to respond , "Let us work it out, Hye Soo."

My eyes grew big and I am left speechless.We are staring at each other, eye-to-eye.

I can only respond with how I actually feel. "I don't think I can give you what you want."

"No, you can't push me away this time."

I look away as I start to feel cornered. There is something new about him.He obviously won't back down any second. There's a look of utter conviction now. The only reassuring thing about this situation is that I know I can be completely honest with him without having to risk going into an argument. I have only seen him getting really upset before when some creepy stalker sent gifts to my agency with immoral messages.Other than that, he has always kept his cool. I must say he has a patience of a saint.

What happened months ago is a memory that I never want to revisit again. But as long as I see him, it is inevitable to let it out in the open.To be fair though, we never really addressed it. I guess back then we were just both waiting for the right time to bring it up. He just chooses today. He suddenly gets up and walks up to me. He kneels in front of me and I suddenly take a deep breath as the gesture is too familiar.

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- Flashback to December 2008 -

We were just finished dining out in my backyard. He prepared a surprise for me which he was so adamant about knowing that I love having meals in this area of my house despite the winter season. I stood up and gazed at the stars. I blew out my breath a few times and smiled at the fog it produced like a little child.

"Marry me..."

I was caught off guard by those words...

I looked down and stared back at his eyes after he suddenly got down on one knee and brought up a little dark purple box. Inside was a simple white gold band with a purple sapphire on it.It was glistening under the moonlight. My eyes grew big. It was the most beautiful gem I have ever seen in my life. He really knew me.

I was suddenly struck by the reality of it. No, I was not ready for this. It was too fast. We have only began dating each other. How could he decide that early? Many questions sprang up in my mind. I liked him very much but I don't think that was enough to start this lifelong journey he was asking for.

"Ha Joon..."

The impending rejection must have reflected on my expression that he immediately had a look of panic in his eyes. I could even see the corner of his eyes were misting a little. Oh no, no,no...

I pulled him up as much as I can. He mindlessly helped me carry his weight. Then he looked at me with a blank stare, I could only describe it as if he was transported into his own bubble.

I hugged him tightly. I couldn't bear looking at him like this. I did not want to crush him by answering no. But at the same time, I did not want to completely give up the life and independence I built by saying yes. At least that's what I have always thought of marriage. Losing my independence.Adhering to standards of the society. No, I promised myself that I would follow my own rules.

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