What Life Feels Like

Chapter 2 - What It Feels Like Being a Toddler

At the age of four and a half I suddenly spawned consciousness. Suddenly I began to remember faces, and remember names. My initial thought? probably "wow, what's this? its exciting!"

Being a toddler was fun, I get to play out in the sun and ride bikes, I'd find the lady bug on plants mesmerizing and the ants gathering food something bombastic. Everything around me makes a lot of sense and in a way magical. The only problem I face is probably knee scrapes and bruises from playing too harsh. 

Making friends was pretty easy but not without it's shares of hardships. Toddlers are sorta less judgy, they don't quite care if my pencil case are smiggle bedazzled with sequins or not. Nor do they think much about whether my water bottle is princess like standards. They do care about how I behave though. If I share my food or if I'd be willing to take turns at the swing. 

The most annoying part about being a toddler is when my parents couldn't care less about what I think was cool. I still remember how I showed my parents a beanstalk plant I grew at pre-school and their initial response was just "oh, cool" and they'd see it for a second before going back to boring adult stuff. 

Everything was exciting for me, but it was boring and unimpressive for the adults. Lame.. 

I'd be sad about it and start to question if I'm not supposed to feel this excited about things anymore which in turn made me gradually reluctant to show them things I find amazing. I found myself talking to the nanny about grasshoppers more often than my parents. I still enjoy my friend's company though. At home, I found myself playing alone more often rather than with my parents and they don't seem to mind so I assume this sort of behavior is what's best for our relationship. I'd create imaginary friends and imaginary scenarios to be seen and heard. It's truly better and more satisfying when my school work is appreciated more by suzie the bear and berry the lion anyways. 

Dismissive parents did forge a habit of keeping all things to myself and being independent much faster than I intended to. But oh well, gotta work with what you have right? 

I also can't seem to understand wants and needs yet. But a few directions would've been nice. How am I supposed to know if I don't get a doll I'd still be breathing just fine. At that moment all my body, focus, and energy depends of that doll you know.. and my parents telling me to stop crying and scolding me didn't really make me better understand why not getting a doll would not affect me as a whole being. So, probably heads up to parents, we toddlers don't just cry because we are a spoiled brat but often times we still confuse wants and needs, so be sure to tell us what these two things are and how they're different.