Masir | مصير

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Fawad

"WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON, MOM!?" I yelled.

"Fawad Sayed!" she shouted back at me.

I stared at her, not trying a bit to calm down.

"Fawad, mind your tone! Is this how you talk to your mother?" she continued as she took careful steps toward me.

I gave up and flopped onto the bed. "What is happening to Seher, Mom? Why is she...?" I run my hands through my hair, frustrated.

"So you finally noticed, huh?" She said with bitterness as she sat near me on the bed. I kept my head down. What she said did hurt me, but it was the truth.

I only noticed it now.

Or more like thought over it now.

"If you had noticed it back then, maybe Seher would be in a much better condition."

The guilt inside me is gnawing at my heart.

If only I had paid attention to her red puffy eyes back then.

If only I had paid attention to the lack of her presence on any occasion.

If only.

"I tried to get her to talk to me. To make her comfortable with me, but there is always something that holds her back."

I rubbed my face with my hands.

I feel terrible. If it was someone else, would I have left her? If someone else was my wife, would I have left her all alone?

Oh, Allah! How terrible I am.

She was my wife. She is my wife no matter what. What I did was cheap and awful.

"Do you think your dada would do something so stupid without any thoughts? We saw what happened to her, Fawad. We saw! And now I continue seeing."

I looked at her. Tears were flowing down her cheek. "Mom, please! Don't continue..."

Her expression changed into something annoyed. "Don't continue? You should know what happened to her! You should feel the pain that Seher went through."

"Just because her father was poor, no one has the right to treat her like trash!" I looked away. I can't take this heaviness of guilt.

She held my chin and turned it to face her, "Why do you think your dada took her to this house from her paternal aunt?"

I furrowed my brows. She was with her paternal aunt?

"Because she was treated worse there! They dismissed all of their maids and appointed Seher as their all-in-all maid when she was only 15! She did all sorts of chores at that young age! Imagine, she had only just lost her parents and she went through all that just after."

My breathing became uneven. If it was my Fara, I would never want her to go through all that. Not just my sister, I would never want any girl to go through that yet... Yet my wife went through all that and instead of protecting her, I ran away!

Mom broke down. She cried. I hugged her and she cried even more on my shoulder. "I did what I could do. I'm only a daughter-in-law. I don't have a say in anything yet I helped Seher the way I could. Farhana never let me treat Seher. She controlled Seher. When I made an effort, Farhana would glare at me and shuts me up. Thank Allah that Farzana is kind."

I patted her head, hugging her closer. "Mom, believe me, my intention was not to abandon Seher. I wanted to give her space. She is a child. And I wanted... Needed space as well that's why I left. But if I have known this..."