We're Not All Heroes - AOU

5

Everything is dark and foggy as I try to think. I don't remember anything from the day, and yet it still haunts me. I still hear their screams when I try and sleep. The blood I can't scrub off my skin when washing my hands. My hands feel permanently cold from holding the weapon for so long.

There's an earpeircing scream, I look around. Darkness. I look at my hands. More blood.

The child's face flashes before my eyes, her small face covered in dirt. I remember the way I stopped breathing when I didn't see her breath.

I breath heavily as I sit up from the bed too soft to be comfortable on. The blanket pools around my hips when I lift my arms to run my hands over my face and through my hair.

The same dream -nightmare- as the night before. And the night before that. The same dream that I've had every night since it happened.

When I woke up that morning I didn't think my task would be to murder a child. She was so innocent.

But she was collateral damage to say the most.

Nothing but a pawn in the larger game that I, too, was a peice of.

I don't know who my grandparents work for. Somebody who can't be tracked I'm guessing, because they hide better than HYDRA 2010s edition.

I look around the empty room, my eyes landing on the small plastic bag sitting on the dinner table.

Bucky must have gone out already.

Just then, I hear the tap to the bathroom turn on, signalling to me that the assasin was getting into the shower.

After last night, when he told me that he knows that im not who I say I am. I told him everything.

From when my parents came to me in 2012, to yesterday.

All he said was: "so he didn't stay till the end of the line." And he hasn't said a word since.

I climb off the makeshift bed -pile of blankets- and search through the cupboards for any food.

After finding nothing I sigh. I turn and lean against the kitchen counter, looking around the messed up and old apartment building. Once again I lay my eyes on the bag of fruit.

Upon further investigation, I find out they are plums. Should I, or should I not, eat buckys plumbs?

Neh, what's the worst that could happen?

Just as I take a bite, Bucky walks out of the shower, only in a towel. The fruit sits in my mouth as I stare, the steam from the heat of the bathroom spewing out around the man.

I blink.

The door is shut. The soldier isn't there. No Greek God statue body to admire.

A few events conspired last night, one being bucky taking his shirt off infront of me before he goes to sleep.

I kinda knew he would be ripped but I didn't think he would be THIS ripped. Gawddawm.

Anybody remember my earlier statement about how he's cute but not my type? Yeah I take that back, I'd so smash.

Before the seeing-of-the-shirtless-situation, bucky and I talked, about trauma, life, helping him. We got closer, to say the least.

And now his absolutely gorgeous eight pack infects my thoughts. Making me worry less about the nights dream.

I throw the seed of the plum in the plastic bag we tied to a cupboard handle as a bin. I then walk to my small sleeping place and pick up my shirt, pulling it on. Next I pull my jacket over my arms and around my body.

I search the small room for some paper and a pen, I find a notebook and pen ontop of the fridge.

I flip through the pages, trying to find a blank page withiut looking at too much, so far its just photos and memories of Steve. I stop at one where there's a picture of me. My face fully in the photo. Well acctually, my full body in the photo.

It was a cut out photo from a video that was leaked in 2011 of one of my undercover gigs. Not so PG13 would be the best way to describe the photo. After that page it goes back to talking about Steve and photos of Steve that bucky has taken and kept.

I rip a page out of the back. I scribble a small note onto it and leave the sheet on the table.

I'll be back around 2, don't get bored without me.

I put the photo of myself next to the note.

I shut the door quietly and walk out of the building and on the street to my bike.

Really short and I'm kinda steering this in the direction of bucky ❤️ so yeah. Send me help I love bucky 😩. This was a really short chapter, sorry bout that, and I'll hopefully post again soon.