If I Wasn't So Troubled

46 ~ Aiden

Ever so slowly, I tangle one forearm with Essie's arms, pulling her back into me and sliding her resting side on-top of my left arm. I'm suddenly able to breathe better, and Brown finally quiets in my head. 

This morning was a complete contradiction to what I presumed would occur. The game was practically over, becoming an inescapable tie like I assured it would. I was excited to wash my blood hands off, return to my mate, and peacefully disconnect from what sick torture I just performed. This seems wrong through human eyes, unjust, and cruel, I'm trying my best to empathise, but what is that saying they have? "I'm only human," it is, and Brown is only a wolf, solely animal, who happens to control half of me. 

"Goodness, where do I start to help you understand?" I groan, my breath brushing over her soft strands of hair. Almost instantly I regret uttering, obviously have causing a disturbance as Essie squirms backwards. From our position, her ass gently bumps my crotch and I buck away, feeling too guilty after the turn of events. 

She mumbles a few incoherent 'what's' and 'huh's' before her long, thick eyelashes begin to flutter captivatingly. I want to squeeze her tight, tell her to go back to sleep until I remember I'm not supposed to even be touching the woman right now. 

"Aiden?" She grunts, giving me no time to pull away whilst side-eyeing my resting hand across her stomach. Clearing my throat awkwardly, I ease my grip, giving Essie the opportunity to vacate if desired; however she continues the intense staring and inspection of my hold. Goosebumps tickle up my spine, enticing an embarrassing shudder out of me. Nonchalantly, I nod my head to a window wall, attempting to engage in conversation. 

"It's almost six." I mutter, glimpsing quickly at the clock to make sure my statement is correctly aligned with settling colours of yellow-orange among the sky. Additionally, elapsing wind dipping through the window is significantly cooler, welcoming the arrival of night. Yet, my little mate continues fixating elsewhere, seemingly in a trance. 

"Essie?" I call, shaking her slightly in a worrisome manner. Gradually, she grasps my wrists, and Brown whines a bit; concerned to why his senses didn't prepare us for it. 

"How can you hold me with the same hands you use to harm my Father?" She mumbles, and not sarcastically either, carefully surveying my skin. I gulp, unable to find remorse for what I've done this past week. 

I cut off the man's tongue, creepily reminiscing on my favourite part; listening to him squeal and beg for Essie's and I's forgiveness. 

"Love," I start, surprisingly gaining Essie's attention, her huge, round irises of ink throwing me in a chokehold; poking sections of my insides with their intimidating glare. 

"I want you to release him." She announces, quickly staring back at our interlocked arms.

"What?" I scoff, reminding myself for the fifth time this week my mate hasn't learned how to make proper jokes. 

"I can't live here with you, and him under one roof. I won't go back to hardly surviving under his rule but I don't want him here Aiden." Essie sighs, and I know she's serious with the use of my name. She shakes her head, sighing frustratedly, both our chests hauling upwards harshly. 

"You want me to just-" I doubt, stripped of the chance to finish my question. 

"Yes. I want you to let him go. Not just for me, but so you don't have anymore blood on your hands." She whines, both brows of hers scowling inwards; triggering angry creases to line her forehead. I should protest, deny this silly request, and explain that her Father's blood is exactly where it belongs when smeared across my skin. 

Except I can't choose to be blind, I can't ignore the high levels of stress she's radiating, nor the sad dribble of her little chin. Thus Brown and I agree, willing to obey, despite that this cancels the fun we had in store. I nod, managing a gruff 'alright,' knowing if I use further dialogue I won't be able to coat my anger.