Alex has been looking for a sign from the universe. A sign to tell him that he needs to keep fighting. To live on for his brother who died in a tragic car accident.
When Alex stumbles across a man in town wearing a blindfold, holding a sign that say...
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I haven't stopped thinking about River for days.
Nothing has changed between us but I can't help but feel deeply guilty for making everything about myself. I never once stopped to think what was going on in River's life and I feel like the shittest person ever.
No matter how many times he told me that he's in a better place and that he's in a good mental space, I still can't shake this heaviness on my shoulders. He works with youths, he goes out onto the streets to help other people and I never wondered why exactly he did that.
I'm such a fucking idiot. Ignorant.
I don't deserve him. I know I don't.
From now on I've vowed to ask more questions, check in on other people. I'm not the only person to exist who is struggling with their own mental health, who is having a bad time. I need to think about those around me, I have no idea what they're going through.
It's time I change my state of mind. I want to do better and be more like River for other people, even if he has shit going on. He's braver than anyone I know and I'm so grateful that he's in my life.
The world doesn't deserve his kindfulness. God, he deserves to be happy. Truly happy.
Later in the week I head over to Chessman's. Luca texted me to say that everyone is heading over and I should join them. I haven't seen him in a while but I know he's been busy with his mother, making sure that the cafe stays afloat.
River texts me the same thing shortly after and I head down to the cafe when I finish work.
They're closing up now but sometimes Luca allows us to stay and hang out whilst he closes up the tills and cleans everything down.
I press my hand to the door, my eyes spotting them all sitting around one of the coffee tables in the middle. The bell rings and all of their attention turns to me and I flash them a smile, my eyes falling on River's instantly.
He beams back at me and beckons his head into the shop as I linger by the door.
Before I even get the chance to sit down, Luca is at my side. "Hey Alex," he grins and I return the gesture.
"Hey, Luca."
"Coffee?"
I wave a hand. "Cutting down my caffeine intake."
"I could make you decaf?" He suggests.
My eyes flick between his warm blue eyes and nod. "Okay. Thank you."
"It's coming right up," he throws a rag over his shoulder and heads behind the counter again.
I sit down beside River and say hello to everyone else who are deep in conversation about something that seems heated–then I realise they're only talking about a new TV show that came out last week.
