Stories

Till Death Do Us Part

Why is this a fear? Why do my eyes brim with tears and my heart starts beating faster just thinking of this? This stupid little thing that nobody should worry about. But I guess I've had to many encounters with it. I've had 11 loved ones go away in my lifetime, a span of 13 years, because of this.
I never met either of my grandfathers because of one to many cigarettes. I have seen people fight invisible foes, felt the sting of them myself. I have seen sickness bring a person so low that they can't even remember their son's name, can't even get out of bed to use the washroom or get breakfast without assistance. I've found somebody hanging behind my school.
All of these things have done this to me. Have made me fear going to sleep because I know people don't wake up. Made me fear taking the bus to school because I know that could be my last ride. Made me fear going outside for break because I know I could find another lost soul. Made me fear myself, for I know what harm I can do. It makes me say 'I love you' after every goodbye because I want our last words to be of love. To be something you can proudly say "The last thing I said to her that day was 'I love you too'."
These constant reminders of how the most meaningful part of your life can disappear in a snap makes me jump on things. Makes me spontaneous for who knows how long you'll have to think it through? That single car ride, flu, cigarette, shutting of your eyes could make it to late. A small blunder and your gone, the fragile limbo we call life just swept away by a slight miscalculation. Sure, we'll meet again in another life, maybe even just later in this life. But I want you now; to hold while you cry, smile as you laugh and love you while you're with me. Our after lives can wait, but our time together can't.
This is why I love you, this is why I'll never let go.
I hope you enjoyed this look into my messed up, fear filled mind. :)
I wrote this a week or so ago but my internet tubes are broken 😝 so it'll take a while for me to upload sometimes,mwhen that happens expect atleast 2 uploads basically at once those days.