The Broken US

I wish.

Let bygones be bygones they say.

Detach from what destroys you they say.

But when the treacherous past stands before you, looking you straight in the eyes, a past which had given you bruises so deep which still bleed, the past which had annihilated every bit of you, which had ravaged every cell of your body. A past so dreadful that just thinking about it makes your soul cry in vain.How are we supposed to face such a past?

"Noah", he said as he gave me a malicious grin, with a taunting glint in his brown eyes.

I wanted to break his heinous face, punch it till he begs for mercy, stomp on his chest and leave a mark over there just like he left a mark over me . That was what I thought I would do but all I could do was stand there frozen to my spot. Though almost every inch of me was clothed ,I felt completely bare.Just his presence unveiled my deepest fears ,I felt the shadows of my tragidal past engulfing me in a cold blanket.

"Fancy seeing you back here, here to entertain someone?" He continued with a smirk "Or did your family finally wants you back, oh how funny of me to assume th-"

I walked away, no I sprinted out of the mall.I lost the sight of Louis long back, I didn't want to face him at the moment or even go back to the mansion. I need to be alone ,to get my shit together.

Soon enough I found myself in our place,mine and his. One pleasent factor about my treacherous, unpleasant past was him.Him,whose presence played a soothing effect on my bleeding wounds.Him, who chose to bleed with me rather than to let me bleed alone. Him, who provided me with prodigious strength when all I could see and feel was tremendous pain and despair. Him, who chose to fight for me when I couldn't.

He was someone who gave me his heart which I returned back in pieces and he still decided to love me with those broken pieces.He tried to fix the broken me, but at the end it was nothing but the broken us.

We were broken beyond repair, thanks to me.While he fought for my love, I fought for his hatred,for that was the only way to protect him from myself. If I had a choice,I would have shown him that I loved him with every bit of myself , I would have shown him that my faith in him was unwavering, I would have shown him the amount of power he had over me, I would have shown him that there was nothing I won't do to protect him ,and that's what I did.

I did leave him but in an attempt to save him from my demons. I did leave him in pieces but only to ensure that he doesn't break himself in an attempt to fix me for all he knew I was past the stage of mending. I was broken and there was no going back.

I was messed up, and I didn't want to be a nuisance in his perfectly planned out life.He wasn't the one who wounded me and I wasn't going to let him be the one I bleed on.

Being in here brought all those memories back, the memories of us.

"I found a spot for us, muffin boy!"

"Slow down dude, the spot ain't running away."

When I first met him, he was crying his ass out just cuz someone stomped upon his muffin ,his chocolate muffin. I would have probably called him a cry baby and blew him off but since it was a CHOCOLATE muffin ,I decided that his dissonant wailings were justified. And since I was a nice guy and he was kinda adorable, I gave him my muffin and he decided that I'm his muffin boy, I didn't give my consent but he assumed that my approval was of little importance.

"Just drag your arse over here!" He shouted from the top of the cliff.

"Stop shouting bastard, your voice isn't exactly melodious." I replied in an exasperated tone.

He huffed in disbelief, "I found us the Heaven on Earth and you dare insult me!"

"Stop exaggerating, dickhead." Honestly he wasn't exaggerating, the beauty of this place was alluring, the serenity of the scenery from up here didn't fail to amaze me.One could easily fulfil their desire for reposeful contemplation by sitting up here on the cliff by themselves.

I lied to my brothers for coming here with him, I hate lying to them but I don't regret it. Not because of serenity of the place ,but because being here with him was worth a thousand lies.

"I like it." I said honestly with a smile tugging at my lips.

"I knew you would like it, so how are you gonna repay me muffin boy." He asked in a teasing tone.

"Oh, am I supposed to repay you." I quirked an eyebrow at him as I smirked at him.

His baby blue eyes sparkled with an unknown emotion as they gazed at my blue ones. His dilated pupils said it all, as he stared down at my lips.His eyes spoke a thousand words and I was able grasp each of them.I could feel our hearts beating in the same rhythm.

"Ring, ring" ,my phone broke us out of our trance.

"It's my brother,I should probably talk to him." I said.

"Yes you probably should." He replied.

And just like every other time ,the tales of our hearts remained unspoken.

Does he still feels the same? Probably not. That's good, isn't it?

In the solitude of our place, I finally let my guard down for the very first time in the 2 years.I allowed myself to be vulnerable, I allowed myself to shed tears, tears for letting her die, tears for losing my brothers, tears for letting him go, tears for the Noah I lost, tears for that Noah who died that day along with her.

I finally decided it was time for me to go back to the mansion and face a family which was no longer mine.

I took a deep breathe because I knew I was about to be bombarded with loads of question. Mr Jackson might not care about me but he holds his reputation dear to his heart.

"Where the fuck were you?"

Nicolas you don't really need to scream ,do you?

"I can hear you Nicolas, despite of what you would like to believe every organ of mine is perfectly functioning." I replied in a calm voice.

"That wasn't the question,was it." Oliver stated as his green eyes met my blue ones for the first time in 2 years.
He continued,"We really hope you could stop causing havoc Noah, we have better things to do, so it would be con-

"I didn't ask for him to call me back here Oliver, I know none of you want to have nothing to do with me ,and trust me if I could I would have never came back." I said with a tired sigh, I continued,"You won't ever see me again after I turn 18, let's just bear each other for 3 years unless your father decides to send me back to the therapeutic center.Let's just play strangers for while?"

Just as I turned back to head towards my room, Nicolas said ,"Not everyone could be as forgetful as you Noah, not everyone cou-"

"The discussion is over." Announced Mr Jackson as he walked in. He turned to me, and said, "It happens one more time and you're grounded for 2 weeks." He turned to Louis, " I won't be home for about a month, I hope I can count on you Louis."

Louis just nodded ,he didn't say a word since I came back, he didn't even meet my eyes ,I wonder why.

I just walked back to my room as my Nicolas's words echoed in my head.

I wish I could forget it all Nicolas.I wish I could forget the smiles we shared, the tears we shed together, the promises we made , the everyday bickerings we had, the secrets we shared and the love we had.

I wish I could forget that I once had three brothers who would die for me, but now the sight of me is a just a mere nuisance to them.I wish I could forget what pain feels like when the fact that I truly have no one left comes back to haunt me every night. I wish I could forget the feeling of remorse when I remember "I'm the one to be blamed."

I wish Nicolas. I wish.