the last few days i've been sick
but not only did i have a fever
i was in pain
not only did my throat hurt
it was my heart that hurt way more
because when you're sick,
staying at home all night and day
that gives you just enough time
to break down every piece of your negative quirks
this moldy feeling in your mouth because you haven't brushed your teeth in days
or the disgusting condition of your hair when once again taking a shower was too strenuous of a task
but i tell myself it's fine
with 39 degrees heating up my body every night i am too weak to take care of myself
... as if i'd do it again when i'm healthy
i never stop
i keep on searching for excuses
to legitimize my „idleness"?
people told me it's not idleness it's just in my head
but sadly i've never been one to believe people over my own sanity,
which i know i don't own
but i still play it like it's there
because it feels smarter than all those words ringing at me from the mouths of strangers
because it seems more honest than sincere love letters
and because it shouts louder than every voice i've ever heard
YOU ARE READING
diary of pain
PoezjaThis collection of poems deals with depression, pain but also numbness. Whenever i'm feeling down i'm trying to capture this feeling in words as best as i can to understand myself better so- enjoy this messy summary of sadness. 🌙
