Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I really hate that my estranged mother has decided to make herself known. I felt like a lost little boy again and I don't like the feeling.
I was honestly doing fine without knowing her. Yea, the pictures that were once around the house showed me who she was, but it still didn't take away from the fact that I didn't know her. She's twenty three years too late, yes my Paw may have spoke for me, but I honestly don't want a relationship with her. The damage is done and there's no coming back from that. She broke me and it took me a long time to fix myself. I have yet to read the letter she left me. The angel on my shoulder is telling me to read it and the devil is telling me to burn it. A part of me want answers and another part of me doesn't even care because nothing and I mean absolutely nothing justifies abandoning your child.
I was currently sitting on the porch watching the kids in the neighborhood play. It was the weekend and they were out. I actually came out here to think, but that was short lived when Journi saw me creeping to the door. She started crying and I knew she wasn't going to stop unless she went with me. Since she already had her pajamas on, I just pulled her little Nike hoodie over her body and grabbed the big throw blanket from the couch. Once we made it outside, I took a seat and placed her in my lap—wrapping us with the blanket.
It's crazy though because as a child I used to sit right here every other day waiting for Cassandra. She won't be addressed as mother from me because in my eyes she wasn't one. But as a child I always had hope that she would come back for me, but the more I grew up the more of a distant memory she became. My grandfather always told me that she was sick and I was with him to stay healthy. When I was old enough he told me the real story. I was left on the doorstep and the rest was history. Paw even removed the pictures of her from around the house. I couldn't look at them and he couldn't either.
"Dada eat eat."
I looked down in JoJo's face as she was looking up at me. I smiled and blew raspberries on her cheeks. Daddy's baby.
"You hungry?" She nodded her head wildly and I bust out laughing.
Babygirl loves to eat. I held her to my chest and we stood up. I shook the blanket before walking back into the house. I tossed it in the laundry room and grabbed another one from the hallway closet. I removed Jo's hoodie and fixed her socks before putting her in the playpen. I turned on Disney Junior and walked in the back to check on Paw. I knocked on the door and waited before going in. The lights were off, but that damn Sanford and Son was playing. Paw was in the bed sleep and I gently placed my two fingers against his throat just to be sure.
Ever since his daughter has been popping up, his pressure has been high and I don't need him passing away in his sleep. I threw the empty water bottles away and grabbed a fresh one from his mini fridge—placing it on the table. I left the tv on because he gets up in the middle of the night sometimes and watches it. I returned back to the front and grabbed Jo from the playpen going into the kitchen. I cooked baked chicken, honey butter croissants, string beans, mashed potatoes and gravy earlier. Nothing too heavy. I strapped baby into the high chair and moved around the kitchen.
