Sinner H.S

29

TW// sexual assault

Valentine Fitz

I hate Harry Styles.

Absolutely despise that man with everything in me. Why is he acting like this? One second he's all over me, then the next he's yelling at my face, calling me names. It's fucking infuriating. I can never understand him. Maybe he has a condition, maybe he has Bipolar Disorder. It's the only thing that makes sense in my head, but I looked up the signs and a few of them don't really match with him.

After that night I hated myself for giving a part of myself to him. If I had just said no if I just locked my door or never went home with him that night, maybe things would be normal. I can't say I regret that night because I don't. That was the best sex I've ever had in a while, but I do regret who it was with.

I hate that I let my sinful desires get the best over me, because now it felt like he was using me. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I expected him to fall in love with me or something. I just thought that maybe he'd be a little bit nicer considering what had happened. I hate that I feel like he's using sex to hold it against me. Like having sex is wrong, or like it's a thing you should be ashamed of.

Sex is a beautiful work of art. It isn't dirty, and you most certainly shouldn't be ashamed of it. Everyone has sex and it's normal behavior. People who shame you for it are just stuck up assholes. And Harry Styles is definitely a stuck up asshole.

Maybe there's a reason why he's acting like this. Maybe I did something wrong, maybe I was too into it and he didn't like that. It explains why when I woke up that morning he wasn't in bed with me. Not that I was surprised.

"What's wrong with you?" Camille's voice speaks through the speaker of my phone. I nearly forgot I was on the phone with her. "Hm?" I hum, "You're awfully quiet. What happened?" I shake my head even though she can't see me. "Nothing, I'm fine." I reply but she clicks her tongue. "Val," She says my name, "it's me. You can tell me anything, you know that."

She's right, she's Camille. The word best friend doesn't even come close to how much I adore our relationship. She's more than just a best friend. She's like my long lost sister. I sigh, plopping myself onto my couch. "Valentine..." Her tone comes out as a question. "Ihadsexwithharry." I replied quickly. "What?" She laughs and my heart is frozen, I hold my breath not knowing if she heard me or not. "You can't expect me to understand that?" She laughs.

"Repeat it."

I breathe in a large gush of air. "I had sex with Harry." I repeat but much slower this time. Camille is completely silent. Not a single sound comes from the other line. I started to begin to think that she had hung up, I checked my phone but no. She's certainly still on the line. "C?" I call out.

"Don't tell me you're pregnant." Is her response, and I can't help but laugh. I haven't laughed in so long so this feels so nice. "Valentine, I'm serious." Her tone is full of worry which makes this even more funnier.

"Absolutely not." I say chuckling and Camille lets out a breath. "Jesus, Val. My heart was pounding." I smile so hard my cheeks hurt. "I can assure you, I'm not pregnant." I calm her down. There's silence between us, then Camille speaks. "So you had sex with Harry?" She asks and I hum. "I knew it." And that catches me by surprise. "What do you mean?" I ask.

"I may be many things, but I'm not blind. I can see the chemistry between you too. Hell, I'm sure everyone can see it. Even if you didn't realize it at first there was always something."

I'm so confused, is there chemistry between us? That's insane. "Yeah, no. There was nothing going on before."

"Mm, I'm surprised you guys didn't fuck earlier." She adds and I shake my head. "That's not the point."