klars oneshots

rant

i hate myself for real this time

i'm so autistic about kirk and lars bruh😭😭😭😭😭but i don't care they're awesome and metallica is the COOLEST hyperfixation EVER the only problem is no one likes me because it's my whole personality and all my friends are starting to act like they don't like me

I HAVE SO MUCH SHIT WRONG WITH ME WHAT THE FUCK

and my friends all do the peer helper shit where they literally work with autistic kids ALL THE TIME. WHY THE FUCK AM I ANY DIFFERENT.

like don't treat me like a fucking baby but acknowledge the fact that i'm a fucking human being and just because i think and communicate differently than everyone else doesn't mean i deserve to be cut off without a fucking explanation. now all i think about is trying to cling to those people because i don't know how to function without other people.

and when i get stressed out or i feel just out of place or shit like that i completely stop talking and shut down or whatever. then these bitches are all like "why aren't you talking you're so quiet is something wrong with you" and then i have to be like "no i'm fine i'm just tired" TIRED OF YOUR BULLSHIT

and what bothers me is they know i'm autistic. at this point you're doing it on fucking purpose. i'm gonna kick your dog in the ribs you fucking bitch. go shove a knife up your asshole and fuck yourself with it.

and then the tics. the fucking tics.

i have tics and they used to be SO FUCKING BAD to the point where it was affecting me daily. at the time i was in a really shitty relationship with this absolute bitch and when i'm under a lot of external stress and pressure and they get a lot worse. so after i got out of that relationship they improved SO MUCH. and now they're not as noticeable i think.

and now people keep asking me "where did your tics go they just went away" LIKE BITCH STOP TRYING TO "EXPOSE ME FOR FAKING IT". I WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING SO OFFENSIVE AND FUCKED UP AND HURTFUL TO OTHERS. NEVER. THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLE AROUND ME THAT HAVE TICS AS WELL, PEOPLE THAT I KNOW AND LOVE AND VALUE AND RESPECT. THE FACT THAT ANYONE WOULD THINK SO LOW OF ME IS DISGUSTING. I GOT BETTER. THAT'S A GOOD THING. I CAN LIVE LIFE WITHOUT THE WEIRD LOOKS AND CONSTANT FEAR THAT I MIGHT INVOLUNTARILY SAY SOMETHING OFFENSIVE OR HURTFUL.

and then there are the people who make fun of them. it's not fucking funny. when i'm tired and i wanna fucking go to sleep i can't. i'm sitting awake unable to sleep because i can't stop moving or making random ass noises that annoy the fuck out of me. like bitch you think my tics annoy YOU? i have to live with them every moment of every single day. i can't sleep, i can't have a conversation without someone asking "why do you always jerk your neck like that" or "why do you always breathe weird sometimes" or "why do you make that noise" or "why do repeat random words that i say" or "why do you blink like that" like take a motherfucking guess. and i think you can put up with me for an hour long class period. cause it fucking annoys me too.

i just don't get why it's funny. people are so fucked up.

and what makes me SO fucking mad is when people mock my tics. i have this one 'friend' that'll trip people or say literal slurs and then be like "oops sorry tourettes" and always around ME. (and she does not have tourettes or tics). like it's not fucking funny. and i've told her.

one time she did it in front of our teacher (who also has facial motor tics) an i told her that it wasn't funny. and then he was all like "what's not funny?" to her and that was all i heard but he must've just let it happen because she keeps doing it. and i'm upsetti spaghetti because that teacher doesn't seem to like me even though we have that in common. but oh well😐

and i can never defend myself because i'm afraid of confrontation. maybe one day😭

and then i hate when people are like "you don't look autistic though" like what do you want me to look like, i'm just a person🤷‍♀️. i think it's because people tell me i'm too attractive(lmao how'd you pull that one out of your ass💀) to be autistic. i hate the whole "autistic people can't be attractive" bullshit. also my sense of humor is very weird. also i'm supposed to be writing a dytopian story for english due this monday and i'm only two pages in which is not a lot for what i'm writing.

i love klars so much.

anyways sorry for venting about shit no one cares about i just needed to do that😭