klars oneshots

b a l l s

i don't have a title for this so balls is the only way to go.

kirk's pov

"Where's Lars at?" I asked Ash. "I think I'm gonna take him home now."

"I have no fucking idea," she replied hazily.  She wasn't drinking as heavy as everyone else was, but I could tell she was pretty buzzed. "Do you want me to help you find him?"

"No thanks, I'll find him," I said. Mostly everyone here was drunk as fuck, but I stayed sober so I could take Lars home.

"Okay, I'll call you tomorrow or something," Ash continued.

"Okay, bye."

"I love you Kirk."

"I love you too," I laughed. I began to push through the crowd, searching for Lars. I accidentally bumped into someone, which happened to be one of Ash's other close friends, Duff McKagan. Eventually I found him draped over Corinne, annoying the shit out of her and asking dumb questions, as he does when he's drunk. The two were alone, but Cliff was probably using the bathroom or something and she was waiting for him.

"So like, would you still fuck Cliff if he was a goat?" he slurred.

"Lars, what the fuck?!" she laughed. I waved over at her and she saw me. I pushed past a few more people and reached them. Lars was drunk out of his mind.

"Kirk!" Lars said. "Would you fuck me if I was a goat?"

"I'll fuck you no matter what," I sighed sarcastically, grabbing his arm and pulling him off of Corinne. He immediately grabbed onto me and held on tight, like he thought he couldn't stand up on his own. "We're gonna go," I told Corinne.

"'Kay, bye," she responded.

"BYE CORINNE" Lars yelled at the top of his lungs. A few people turned and looked our way, but I payed no mind to it. I walked towards the door, Lars stumbling and still clinging to me. Lars was saying something to me, but it was so loud and his words were almost completely unintelligible. 

We soon made it outside, but Lars couldn't even make it down the front porch steps. I had to pick him up bridal style and carry him out to my car.

"Put me down, bitch!" he whined. "I can walk fine!" I didn't say anything, but chuckled to myself softly. I tried my best to find our car, but it was pitch black, and the driveway, yard, and street was full of cars that belonged to people at Ash's party. I would've gotten my phone flashlight out, but it was in my pocket and my hands were full.

Soon enough I found my car. I opened the passenger door and sat Lars down in the seat.

"You're so pretty, I wanna have sex with you," he slurred.

"Not tonight, angel," I replied, trying to keep a straight face, although a few giggles escaped. I loved his drunk antics, even though sometimes he got a bit out of pocket. Lars fumbled with the seatbelt, but got overly frustrated when he couldn't buckle it. I did it for him and kissed his forehead softly, brushing the hair off of it with my right hand before I closed the door and walked over to the driver's seat. I sat down, buckled my seatbelt, and turned on my car. I checked the time on my phone, it was one in the morning.

As I started driving, Lars became even more delirious.

"Can we go to Taco Bell?" he asked.

"They're closed right now, baby," I replied softly.

"Oh, fuck!" Lars whined.

"I'll get you something when we get to my house, okay?"

"Ugh, fineee," he sighed, burying his face in his hands dramatically.