Reading Through [Milex]

8

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a quick note: their work schedules
Miles: 10p.m-6a.m | every Saturday, Tuesday and Thursday night
Alex: 9a.m-9p.m | all weekdays

Also y'all should comment more. It's always great to see what you think of certain parts
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[Alex]
Love, love. That's most of my feelings for the past few weeks. Yes, few weeks because it has been a few weeks since I started dating Miles. And it's going perfectly.

And here I am, reading "a Long Fatal Love Chase" by Louisa May Alcott while gently rubbing my fingers along his scalp as he sleeps next to me. Sunday night, normally I'd be asleep by now knowing I have work tomorrow. But because of the terrible weather -storm all day- I'm not going to open the library tomorrow.

He snores, and he snores a lot. But I came to realize I don't mind it when he becomes a ferry while sleeping. His face looks so pretty when all the muscles are relaxed.

"A time will come when you will find that in gaining a brief joy you have lost your peace forever." I quote loudly from the book in my hands. I sigh as I close it and lay next to my boyfriend. I caress his cheek "Oh, Miles... For a brief joy I'm willing to give up my peace if it's shared with you. I already have, and I don't have regrets" I kiss his forehead.

The fears consume me sometimes. The feeling that this has all been way too fast for me and I never had the opportunity to cherish the presence of him in my life before deciding to spend most of my time with him. In a moment of anxiety  I need to let him hold me and I need to trust him through the confusion and doubts. He's supposed to be my beacon, the rock I lean on.

Right?

•°•°•°•°•°•
I logged out of all the escort hiring sites, and deleted my accounts. If people keep calling me to hire me I'll change my contact information as well. I want to truly leave this whole thing behind me. But nothing is guaranteed and I can't help but think about the possibility of me and Miles breaking up. Maybe I settled in too quickly just like I fell in love. Miles has been perfect throughout our relationship so far but I still don't know what might happen, as I don't know him quite that well yet.

I love him, but maybe love isn't enough. Or maybe we're wrong about it all.

The past, I always try to forget, but it keeps haunting me. I don't know who I can trust anymore. I clung onto Miles this tightly and this quickly because I felt something different in him. I felt he truly cares for me. The way he looks at my face, the way he holds my hand or -even though we haven't been having sex- the way he touches my body.

It's like I'd let him play me like a puppet, feeling as if he knows what's good for me better than I do.

But for fucks sake, I've known this guy for two months. The possibility of being wrong invades my dreams and my reality. And I'm sure that -despite looking quite sure of every breath he takes- Miles also feels doubtful every once in a while.

And I know I can talk to him about it. I know he won't mind, I know he won't get mad at me for feeling a certain way.

I get up to take my notebook out and scribble some notes in.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•
28/05/201x
I should trust. I should trust the world and leave my blinds open for the night, so the morning light can peak through and kiss me awake.
But how do you trust the world when even the dark side of the moon has frowned upon you?
I'm not frowning. It's just that I saw my reflection in the mirror and my stubble pulled my cheeks down. Will you be my razor, Kane?

•°•°•°•°•°•
I fall asleep after putting my trusty pen and paper away.

[Miles]
I wake up with him next to me, sleeping like the angel he is. Everyday I can't believe this demigod of a man is in love with me almost as deeply as I am with him. Every night I sleep with the fear of waking up to an empty bed, discovering the past few weeks have been a dream all along. But each morning I wake up and he's there in my life. Laying next to me or bombarding my phone with good morning messages and poems full of riddles I'm not capable of deciphering.