Reading Through [Milex]

11.5

{here's a shorter chapter before I drop the bomb}

[Alex]

"Move in?" Miles sits up in excitement "Like, to your apartment? Me?"

"Yeah" I smile "we're together all the time anyway, and my place is spacious enough for both of us. No need to pay for two separate rents right?"

Miles hugs me tightly "I love you Alex yes I'll live with you! I'll super live with you!"

I chuckle "that's great. The library will be under construction next week so we can work on the moving."

"I'm so excited.."

•°•°•°•°•°•°•
[Saturday]

It only takes four days for us to pack all of Miles' stuff and call in a team to carry them all to my place. Four men that are bigger than me come to carry everything around. Of course, for a price. It goes alright, and we take his things to the apartment in no time. I wait in the living room as they place the boxes in the living room. Miles is also helping them with the carrying process. And I'm busy checking if everything got here safely.

There I am, sat in the living room as these bigger man I've never met before go in and out.

And I don't like the way they look at me

For some reason, suddenly I feel short of breath. I hold my chest. "Fuck..." I mutter. It feels like I'm dying. "Miles..." I try to call but it only comes out as a whisper. One of the men comes over to me "Hey, are you ok mate?" He puts his hand on my shoulder. It triggers my fight or flight response immediately. I slap his arm away "don't touch me- no!"

"Oh, I'm sorry-"

"Get away from me!" I scream suddenly. I don't know what I'm thinking. I don't know anything. All I know is I'm terrified. I don't like this, I want to get away. I don't fucking like this. It feels like I'm having a heart attack, like I'm going to die. The horrible memories keep coming back. Sat in this very room, naked and weak. Worthless. Nobody to make me feel better. This makes me terrified.

I don't want to be raped again
I don't want to get hurt again.
I don't want to be drugged and used again

I know it's in the past. I know I'm no longer in that life. I'm no longer in danger. Then why am I so scared? Why am I scared in the same way I was when I was still being trafficked. My heart is beating so fast and my body wants to get the fuck out of here.

"I'm just trying to help"

"I can't breathe. I can't breathe" is all I can wheeze out

"I- I don't know what to do man! I'll get your friend just wait here!" He says and goes towards the door. Just when he's about to exit, Miles barges in

"Alex, I heard you. Is everything ok? Are you hurt?" He sounds worried. I can't even lift my head up to see him.

"Man he just suddenly got like this! I swear I didn't do anything" the guy explains himself

"I'll take care of it, just leave"

And the guy goes.

My entire body is shaking. This is the worst panic attack I've experienced in a while. I know I'm fine, I know I'm safe. But my body is acting like it's in danger.

Because anytime there were some men I didn't know in this house I'd be relentlessly abused. Raped and beaten until I passed out.

Miles holds my shoulders "Alex talk to me, how do you feel right now?"

"I'm... Scared. Miles I can't breathe. I'm dying. Miles I'm dying" my chest feels like it's bursting open.

"Baby, you're not dying. Look at me Alex" he cups my chin and lifts it up to face him "you're not dying baby. You're gonna be ok. Tell yourself that."