With Love, From Me

CHAPTER 5

I, like most people enjoy the weekend, which I guess is is one of the normal things about me. The only thing I fail to do however is sleep in. 

Everyday of the week I get up at six and go for a run to keep my body in shape so this process has now become imbedded in my so-called hard drive and it is virtually impossible to wake up any later than 6:30.

The first thing I see when I wake up is always either my window, that overlooks a shadowed and usually fairly empty street, or a blank white wall.
For some reason I preferred to see the wall, maybe because of the few spots that hadn't been touched by the second coat of paint that had been used on it. whoever had lived here before me had colorful walls that faded from green to blue but had to paint them white when they moved out as the policy for the apartment. To be honest I wouldn't have minded to have blue and green walls for a bedroom, but of course the previous resident had to return them to their former dead glory.

I always loved staring at that wall for a few minutes in the morning.  seeing the colors left to sit behind the white made me wonder what the person who lived here's life was like. What memories took place in this room? What secrets were contained within the walls that now proved as shelter for me? Looking at that wall felt like I was sharing those feelings with the person. It was one of the only feelings that I really could ever fully grasp onto and as much as it frightened me, it gave me closure as well. Closure to know that maybe I wasn't all of the monster that they wanted me to be. The Missbreeds since the age of 14 had claimed me and taken me in to their sick traditions. After that many basic emotions had become foreign to me and seen as weaknesses and weak spots in my castle walls.

Feelings like empathy, remorse and guilt, as cliche as it might seem suddenly were over time, impossible for me to feel.

All of it was because of the Missbreeds. They were the same as the other machines at some point, but then a bug was let in through an impurity in the system and they were transformed. System failure is why they have the psychotic tendencies.

The classic animal-like appearance changes to something that closely resembles a human and they still posses the ratio of machine to flesh that regular machines still have but the form is still completely different.

The Missbreeds were first introduced to me in a dream. I hadn't known what exactly they were at the time but the image was stuck in my mind ever since.

They looked like cyborgs with old fashioned gas masks that they needed because they can't breathe like the rest of us.

The only unnerving thing about them is the silence that seems to radiate off them like a shock wave. If you look closely you could maybe see their eyes behind the dark, tinted glass and if you did you would see the only apparent emotion that they emit.

They cannot speak, for their tongues have been cut from their mouths and their throats slashed to sever the vocal unit.

Like the council they take orders from the higher rank but still remain clueless as to what it is.

This is my fate. To be like one of them.

When I was younger they would hold me down on my bed at night and slit the sides of my neck and pour in a black liquid. This liquid was their life force like our blood is ours and putting it in my veins was the ways of forcing me to be like them.

I didn't want to be like them but they gave me no choice. Being force-fed my fate wasn't exactly pleasant, and after a while I started to understand.

The veins in my eyes and under my skin seemed to turn black and I breathed rust, but then I understood. I had ran away from it but then I embraced it and realized I was stronger with them in my life.

Invincible