The sense i've been betrayed

Chapter One. "Fun!"

Kurt

Just be cool, keep your words as straight as an arrow. I tell myself. As long as I'm clear, he'll understand. A hand grasps my shoulder and I flinch for a moment before realising it's Blaine.

"Hi! I hope you weren't waiting long." I've missed the sound of his voice. The old voicemails and videos helped to ease the ache for a moment but it would all slip away after a moment.

"No, not at all. Hi." He says hi again and we pull each other into a familiar but awkward hug and almost out of instinct make our lips meet. Almost. He takes a seat in the chair across from me. "I appreciate you coming to see me, I mean I would understand if you had just told me to screw off." I admit, stuttering over a few words.

"No, no I wanted to see you." Maybe I do have a chance. I take Blaine's soft hand in mine and spit out my speech. "Well I'm here to get you back. I don't mean to blurt it out like that, but, for the sake of clarity, you should know that first I'm gonna get your forgiveness and then I'm gonna get your heart back." I still haven't forgiven myself for how I acted. Oh. He contorts his face into the one he makes when the person he's talking to is an idiot that's making him uncomfortable. Why do you always do this? He pulls his hands away from mine and I can feel my heart begin to sink.

"Uhm...I'm seeing someone." Don't cry, be cool. Smile. Oh god, I'm gonna be sick. What did I do? "And I wanted to tell you in person, especially because you know him." Please don't say Sebastian Smythe.

"Hey Kurt." A firm hand grips my shoulder. A voice I know all too well, stabbing at my ears. Cutting my throat. I can't breathe. He walks closer to Blaine, planting his lips on the side of his face. His beautiful face.

"Sebastian." Blaine's head is fallen and he's staring at his hands under the table.

"I knew that this would be a little weird for you." It's a living nightmare. The amount of nights spent in high school and in New York, thinking about what would happen if this day were to ever come, if the criminal chipmunk finally won and got the guy. The guy that he nearly blinded, might I add.

"No, it's not weird at all. Uh- how did you two meet up again?" Stutter stutter stutter. Blaine knows as well as everybody that that's what happens when I'm like this, embarrassed, shocked, sad, uncomfortable.

"Uhm it was actually just a couple of months ago, right here as a matter of fact." The place where we had our first fight and Blaine spent half our date drunkenly dancing with the man that stands before me. "I was a little bored so I decided to come to drag night here at scandals and there was Sebastian, getting pulled onto the dance floor by a Tina Turner." No no no I can't breathe. Be cool Kurt holy fuck.

"Fun!" I say, trying to make it look like I was the least bit alright with the situation that's just unfolded in front of me. Sebastian finally sits down.

"We got to talking- mostly about you- I was just so angry with what had happened." My eyes dart between the two of them. Blaine hates me, he loves Sebastian.

"Kurt, Sebastian doesn't mean anything to me. And you were right, our first time shouldn't be like. I was drunk and I am sorry."

"And it was just me venting about the breakup." Hearing that I made Blaine depressed to the point that he needed to vent to him is making me feel like my lungs are being torn out of my chest. I'm going to cry.

"Yeah, but I reminded him about how much you helped him and that you learnt to forgive me for whatever it is that I did to you." Shut the fuck up Sebastian. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

"And we got to talking and hanging out and...here we are." I have no chance of repairing any of this, there's no picking up the broken pieces this time.

"Pedro and Napoleon." Excuse me? "That's his nickname for us cause I'm super tall and he's my little munchkin." He scratches Blaine's chin. Ugh, I'm gonna be sick. I'm gonna throw up. And when did Blaine start liking that movie?

"I know that this isn't what you wanted and I know this isn't gonna be easy but I just wanted all of us to be able to be mature adults about this." Blaine says, recognising my emotions but under the impression that I have any interest in being friends with someone that made me spiral into countless panic attacks and depressive weeks.

"And I'm hoping that we can be friends and we can all hang out and stuff." No you don't you fucking chipmunk. You hate me, I hate you. I can't take this anymore. I need a way out before I burst into tears in front of my ex fiancé and the man that would only find pure joy in my sadness.

"Sounds like fun, uh- if you'd excuse me, I have to use the restroom." I stand up and turn around. Don't cry Kurt. I can feel my breathing getting heavier. I make my way to the bathroom and open the door, locking it. I walk into one of the stalls for added privacy and just let myself breakdown. With tears streaming down my face at a rate that can only be described as hyper speed, I press against the wall, sliding down it onto the floor, paying no mind to how disgusting these cubicles must be. It's your fault, you ruin everything. You're incapable of healthy love. Sebastian got what he wanted and it's your fault. Everything around you is crashing down because of you. You are all of things that are wrong with you. You're never gonna get Blaine back. The man you love, you never stopped loving, you admire, the man you were ready to spend your life with. You ruin everything Kurt and you deserve to feel like this. I let the crying envelope me to the point that it hurts. I can't breathe, my head hurts. Everything hurts.

My heart hurts.