Bullied

Thirteen

As the days become weeks, school gets worse and i fall deeper and deeper into depression. It's an ocean of hate, and i am a small boat that's drowning beneath the torturous waves. I haven't unlocked my locker since the day I discovered the hate it was filled with. Social Media has exploded in my face, video's covering the internet, photo's of the bloody tiles and the rope still hanging from the wooden beam, cover my Facebook feed. They even started a campaign for me to kill myself, guess how many people followed it... 2,000.

I need a friend, for someone to tell me I'm important, that i mean something, I need my parents to tell me they love me or to answer the fucking phone when i call. I need a reason to live. I need an excuse. But that's the thing, there isn't one. Everyday is filled with suicidal thoughts, pain, blood, and most of all... Hate. I can't fathom how much hate there is. It's a sick world, people surviving off others misery.

I found out the boys name from school; Aleks. I apologised to him for my outburst, and he told me that i had every right to be angry at him, he understands what it's like. The cuts on his wrists are the same as mine, his legs are scarred from when his arms had no more space. Now i finally had someone, someone who was real, and wasn't a lie.

I'm still not happy though. I found out that my mum tried to call me, and i got told a week after... i've waited six fucking years for her to call me, and when she does i'm not the first one to find out. I should of been, she's my mother, and it would of made me feel like SOMETHING if they told me! More rumours have been created at school, saying that i slept with a guy at a party.

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Monday....

Taneil is at my locker when i get to school.

"Look what slut decided to show up," She snickers with her group of friends.

"What's wrong with you?" I say through my teeth "All you ever want to do is make everyone around you miserable! Ruining their lives when they never did a thing to you!" I yell.

"I don't make everyone around me miserable, only you. You are the one who deserves to suffer, who deserves to have a shitty life and die in pain!" She keeps her voice down unlike me.

"Yeah... well you can have all my secrets, because that shows how much it takes for you to hurt me..." The smart-ass look on her face disappears and I feel the smug grin take over mine. People are "ooh-ing" my comeback. I turn around, and begin to walk away.

"Hey!" She yells out. "I'm not done with you," Her hand slaps against my arm, again and it hurts 10 times more than last time. I collapse to my knees straight away and she twists my cut skin in a Chinese burn. She lowers my arm the ground and i am relieved until i see her feet leave the ground, and she jumps onto my arm, i feel my cuts burst again, she slams her foot down repeatedly and i scream in agony. I'm not even crying, just screaming.

I'm sick of not being able to explain what i feel inside, I'm sick of choking down my tears, and I'm sick of holding the pain trapped inside of me. There is so much i want to say but no words to explain. The pressure on your chest, making it hard to breath, the ache in your body. The bruises you can see, aren't the only ones. I cry my tears, tears that only god can see.