Bullied

Eleven

2 Weeks after talking to Joel...

I've spent most of my time talking to Joel, and the harsh blows of school have dimmed... I feel a lot happier now. He knows me better than anyone else, i told him about my parents, the bullying, how i haven't seen my cousin in 3 years, the bad history of my Nan and i, and what happened the last time i talked to someone online i didn't know. He understands everything, and i'm beginning to let my wall down. I can even smile at school, and for some reason Taneil has left me alone, maybe she realises that she can push me around but she will never break me, she will never win. I'm proud of myself, that i battled the war and won... that even when i nearly broke, something happened to make me stay.

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Monday...

I had a great weekend talking to Joel and even spending some time with my family. I haven't been harassed with death wishes, or nasty comments... it's been peaceful. I actually laughed this weekend, and i watched a movie with my Aunty. She does care about me, i was just too selfish to see it.

I pour my hot chocolate into a takeaway mug and grab my bag, ready for school. It only takes 10 or so minutes to get there, and i usually just observe things... like people, the way the trees sway, or the looks on peoples faces in the cars passing. Sometimes i imagine where they are going, or what their life has been like. When i get to school, everyone is in their groups like always, but for once i don't care that I'm alone. I put my bag in my locker and grab my laptop and pencil case before heading to class. I have Maths first, my favourite subject... note the sarcasm. When i open my computer to get the textbook up, a whole bunch of Notifications pop up on my screen all from Joel, i am eager to see what he says so while the teacher is busy i take a look.

*Hello you bitch

*You're so retarded

*I can't believe you fell for it you gullible little slut

*You still walking around school with a smug little smile on your face?

*Hope not, bitch!

*I don't fucking love you, you're a disgusting freak

*Hope you die in pain you mole

*I understand why your parents hate you, they are ashamed of your ugly face

*Your a mistake, one that's too big to rub out!!

My chest feels like it's deflating like a balloon that's been mistreated. I struggle to breath, gasping for air, my head is spinning and I want to be sick. It's like every bit of happiness i held minutes ago, it being ripped from my soul. I need to get out of here... i rush out of the room and out into the hallway. Taneil leans against the wall in front of my classroom, her phone in her hand.

"Hmmm... Joel Hartley ring a bell?" Her words send shivers down my spine, and i notice her blue screen... Facebook. I snatch the phone from her hands, and drop it when i see the profile... it's not her profile. She laughs her menacing laugh.

"Poor little Blair, being bullied at school, targeted by online predators, abandoned by her parents, abused by her Nan, lost family members... everything that i could know about you, i now do... and so will everyone else you pathetic little bitch," I can't hear anymore so i run straight to the girls bathroom. I look at the tear stained girl staring back at me in the mirror, her flushed cheeks, her empty eyes. It was Taneil the whole time, I'm so stupid! I told her everything, she knows every single thing about me. My anger builds up inside of me, steaming hot like a boiler room. It all comes out of my fists when i punch the glass mirror and my reflection crumbles to the floor, i scream in pure frustration and anger. I pick up a shard of glass from the floor and slice it into my arm repeatedly, blood gushes down and puddles on the tiles. This is the deepest i have ever cut... it burns as i dig deeper. I hear commotion coming from outside, i peak out to have a look... There are posters, with my face on them and horrible words surrounding them. Everyone's on their phones looking at Facebook and taking photos.

I hate everyone, I hate myself, i hate this stupid life. I thought everything was going to well, but i was only living on a lie that came to destroy me. Something is thrown into the bathroom, and lands hardly on the tiles. I look down. It's a rope... they really do want me gone don't they. My arms are burning with the cuts of hatred scarring on my skin. I grab the rope from the floor, and head to one of the bathroom stalls... I stand up on the toilet seat and wrap the rope around a wooden beam on the roof. I tie it, and wrap the loop around my neck. The blood is still dripping from my arms as i step off the platform, my breath is stolen from my lungs and my neck is gripped tightly at the end of the rope. I think about my parents, my sister, i think about my life. I can feel the hatred i hold release with the last breath that exits my lungs.