"...Aleks, you are everything to me, you stopped me from doing stupid things, you protected me from being harmed and I do love you, it's just... i don't love you in that way. You are like a brother that i never had, and i appreciate everything you have done for me..." I see tears well in his eyes but he blinks them away before they have a chance to rise to the surface.
"Of course, yeah... um sorry..." He stumbles in his words as he stands to his feet. I feel horrible, I have hurt him... a lot.
________________________________________________________
The last i saw of Aleks was his back as he walked out the door. It's been 2 weeks since he has even talked to me a part from the occasional "Hi". I think i have lost him completely, i ruined everything. Just when things in my life were getting better, it all comes tumbling down like an avalanche. I knew it was way too good to be true, actually finding a friend... someone who cared about me. I can't stop thinking about him though, so maybe... maybe i do love him. My mind is driving my crazy as i get off the bus. I think i nearly fall over when my attention is drawn to Taneil who is leaning against a wall on the other side of the road, staring at me. Shit. My pace hastens and before i know it i am practically running. She is behind me but i'm not ready for this, i have been caught completely off guard. This is what happens when i let my guard down for someone, i am caught by surprise and destroyed.
"What are you going to do now you scared little bitch?" She asks. I feel my fists tighten by my sides, even though i know i will never have the courage to use them. "You don't have someone to save your sorry ass!" She is right, i don't... and i am helpless, i am worthless, i am stupid. I am unworthy of anyones love. I turn around to face her.
"Guess what Taneil? You're right! I am helpless, and i don't have anyone here to help me. Yes i am scared as shit, but i'm not scared of you... i'm scared of life, i'm not scared of the next hit i have coming my way, i'm not scared of the next bruise or cut," I almost get it all out in one breath "And you are right, i am worthless, and i am a waste of space and if it makes you that happy, then i can go cut my legs if you want! But guess what... i still win, because i'm the one who is still here, the one who doesn't live off peoples misery!" I turn around and begin to walk away, i hear her follow behind.
3...2...1... and i am shoved to the ground, my head hitting the concrete. My ribs feel like they are going to burst with the harsh kicks pounding against their cage. Her finger nails tear down my arm, ripping open my cuts. What is with her and re-opening my cut wounds?
The pain and vile leave me here whimpering, i just want it all to end.
When i finally get the strength to stand up, i run home. I'm sick of the feeling of being vulnerable, the feeling that makes me feel weak and helpless. When i enter the house no one is home, i head straight to the kitchen and grab the big kitchen knife. I lift my leg and rest it on the chair, and role my skirt enough just to expose enough skin on my thigh. The blade connects and slices at my skin, the feeling ignites me and the pain does not exist. My cuts become faster and violent, i don't hold back as my rage exits through the blade. Blood covers the surface of my arm, and my attention is brought to the sound of the front door opening. Holy Shit.
YOU ARE READING
Bullied
Não FicçãoTreated like you are worth nothing more than a grain of dirt on the sidewalk. Your heart tossed around and battered until the puncture wounds are too much to bare. Captured and trapped by the whispering words of hatred echoing in your head.
