Being Jackson.

01.

Jackson.

After ignoring my sister's insistent question after question about what I had bought, why I bought it, why I even needed it or how I had met one of the hottest guys at school, I finally stood in my room and sighed.

I was going on a journey that was already making me feel horrible, chaotic, I was an emotional mess as it is and now adding on the pressure to change myself, I felt like folding in and giving up, and yet I couldn't.

"Fatass" The sneers. "You're like an unlikable black troll, always trailing in the background, is that sweat or grease, disgusting." The insults.

"Maybe they should make two stalls for you hippo, gonna break that seat." The taunts by guys in the bathroom.

"I can't be with you and its not because of you not being out, it's an image thing, you get it." His words, that hurt most, then seeing someone else throw an arm over his shoulder. "Quit starring overgrown fat chicken chugger!" He just stood there as I was insulted yet he promised he would stand by me.

So the tears fell from my eyes as I unclipped the memories of the time we were together, throwing them into the big plastic bin, the photos, the gifts, the clothes he left here on purpose so he could come over pretending he left something here.

"I can't pretend that this doesn't hurt, that I'm not hurt, but I believe these are the growing pains Weis." I chuckled looking at my dog, the husky only lightly barked back. "Thanks for the encouragement." I mutter, grabbing the last photo and throwing it in the bin.

I groaned getting on my knees pulling out my secret stash of snacks from under my bed and throwing them in the bin, aswell as from my closet, and my bottom drawer, it was the candy stash, I couldn't help feel the urge to just grab a few and chuck them down but the jeers, the taunts, it all came crashing back, so I threw it away. It was for the best, I needed to take care of myself.

My room  felt clear, more open and I chuckled whistling for Weis to come with me to the backyard. "Whoa what's in the bag?" My sister asks standing by the first step of the stairs going up, a face mask on and I could smell her mix of oils rolling off her body, I had to admit, she did have great skin but it was thanks to a crazy routine which I was about to start myself. "Hey can you recommend a good waxing product, or maybe several." I deflected not wanting to answer.

"Wait, you, are you asking me to —wow, this day gets weirder." She murmers but I quirk an eyebrow waiting for her. "Yeah, sure, a good product yeilds great results, need me to walk you through some of them, even recommend some." She replied suggestively and I could see the anticipation in her eyes. "Yeah sure just no crazy smelling stuff okay, let me throw this out and we start." I tell her and she nods.

"Come on boy." I urge my dog and he's by my side walking to the backyard, we had a bonfire pit there and it wasn't hard to light it with lighter fluid and matches, watching everything burn solidified my conviction, whatever was going to happen, from here om out, it was for me to get better.

"Are you okay?" Kat asks when we finally settle down in my room since hers was filled with different nauseating scents and I only had two scented candles in mine and it was clean. "I'm fine Kat, why would you even ask me that?" I chortled.

"That;" She points to the Sports Shack duffle bag. "I know most of the stuff in there will change you, and you hate change, you asked for advice on products something you've never cared about except if a lotion would make your skin light or darker, it feels like you're about to do something that'll shock everyone." She says and I still maintain my silence.