Being Jackson.

08.

Ryder Edwards.

"You should really start getting ready honey, I just saw a post from Gina Lang of her backyard, of course she's bragging but its amazing, she says her daughter and her friend designed it for their rebel formal, low down party." My mother announces by the den door, waving her tablet for me to see the venue of where I knew I could possibly find him.

I grabbed the device and smiled at the pictures posted, it really did look amazing, they had done an amazing job and even got an endorsement from XO to Life, its why three quarters of the school was attending their party, damn I was partly attending because XO to Life said so, peer pressure yes but I didn't care.

"Its great mom, let me get ready." I tell her before heading upstairs to my bedroom, I was the fourth middle child of five, my three older siblings had moved out and were in college, with just me and my little brother at home, we tended to be babied more by our parents, it's how I got the other bedroom with an ensuit bathroom and much bigger closet space, Pete and I had spent numerous hours having sex in there.

Yet now when I think about it, about him, I found myself disappointed, I didn't break up with Pete we were in an awkward phase of our relationship that I couldn't explain. I just couldn't let him go after falling for him the way I had, and at the same time the idea of being with him after what he did to Jack repulsed me, I was confused and trying hard to get myself together because Pete was barely the reason for my confusion.

Jackson had vanished, since the day of the backpack fiasco and Pete telling me what happened to him, I expected to see him the day after, or the next few days that followed, he was nowhere to be found. I stalked his social media pages, I patrolled the halls and hunted down that Korean girl I had once seen him with only to be given the same answer, they didn't know where the fuck he was.

I even tried talking to Dustin, the shit bag had no idea as well and didn't seem to care all that much, but then I reminded him that I punched him for trying to be a smart mouth, we should've all been concerned about Jack or I was over exaggerating this need to talk to him, find him and apologize.

Tell him that I felt like a major dick for saying all those things to him, but he was nowhere, I stalked his house in morning for our runs, he didn't show up, I finally asked his sister who gave me what was the shittiest excuse ever.

Jack would never go on a foreign student exchange trip in the middle of the year, it would compromise his grades, and I knew he was turning in his work since I bribed his biology teacher to tell me anything he knew, which was that Jack was handing in his work even the extra credit work like always.

Meaning he was around, he was just doing the best hiding tactic of all time, and for a good three weeks plus or minus a few days, he had succeeded, but I knew tonight he would be there, he would show up at the party he and Darcy Lang had planned.

How I knew that, the last clue my mother had just shown me, Gina Lang had mentioned her daughter and her daughter's friend, and Darcy only had one close friend and that was Jack.

I knew that my borderline obsessive behavior with Jack was alarming but he in the time I had spent with him, at times just silently, felt good, he was an amazing human being, I could peg Jack for a model citizen, and I had all this guilt I needed to open up about and confess.

I wanted Jackson in my life for just the reason of wanting him there, maybe there was more to what I was feeling I don't know, but I wanted to run with him in the morning again, sit at a park bench and slurp on milkshakes, annoying the shit out if him but actually see him laugh again, I just wanted his good vibes, I wanted to be around him and I was going to tear down his walls until I got that.