Being Jackson.

04.

Jackson.

"And remember, we're people with an overly enthusiastic outlook on new possibilities, yet also walking emotional disasters waiting to happen, that's the truth to living, so it's okay to course correct, take a time out to figure things out at your own pace, and remember no one is made of stone, distortions will appear somewhere but those distortions are what make us who we are, so wear your scars proudly whereever you are and be safe, goodnight Bridgeton." I smoothly mutter into the microphone.

"To the rest of my listeners across the globe, be unashamedly you, I'm XO to Life and I leave you to the beautiful sounds of Dean Lewis." With that I cut off my voice broadcast and let the music playing in the background be the main cast and I smile to myself looking at the thousands of messages that kept pouring in, it was surreal being that other version of me.

I had a secret, not to greatly exaggerate it but the secret had actually given me a world of possibilities without ever leaving my room for a long time, most people have an escape they use to avoid high depression when dealing with mental issues and seclusion, some escape into books, gaming, art, all different kinds of things just to feel normal and get the acceptance along with recognition a normal acceptable person in the society around them would get.

Mine was music, ever since I was little I loved making music, yes I could sing but I wanted to create the harmony, mess around with the instruments but most of all create my own original material that I could showcase to the world, of course with growing up came the realization that I couldn't have my dream and my mother in her own way had made it impossible for me to truly dream about a world where I could be a dj or a music producer.

So I let go of my dream, until the end of second year when my biological dad came back into our lives just so he could leave again, hurting me more than he would have if he had just completely stayed away.

That was one part to my downward spiral, body deep in fried foods and candy, I became a social pariah, more so than I was before, so I locked myself up but found it hard to just be in there, study, read and be an awesome gamer, so I began making music again.

With advanced technology and being an IT genius I was able to create my fake online identity, my window into the world that I could look through but no one could look back, it was perfect, At first my broadcasts were all about music, but then they became more and that was thanks to me seeing the world in all its different diverse colors.

I became a sucess over a few months of actually giving more thought and appeal to my content, since then I only got better, I hope, though I knew at some point I had to make my reveal as XO, the time hadn't come yet and also I wanted to keep my bank balance unknown to my sister and mother, they would go absolutely bonkers if they did see it.

A knock on the door grabs my attention whilst I'm pressing clothes into a large box. "Its open!" I yell and Kat walks in with a smile on her face. "Your room smells divine, what is that?" She asks slightly sniffing the air. "Oh its the scented candles I bought, Darcy sent me to an amazing exotic scented candle shop and they have really good ones there, it smells heavenly." I answer her and she nods walking over.

"What's up with the clothes, some of these dont even look worn out or worn." She comments gesturing toward the other packed boxes. "I'm donating them." I reply casually not wanting to get in depth with her but her scoff reels me back. "Yes Kat, say it." I bit out. "What will you wear?" She doesn't hesitate asking. "I will make a plan but these clothes are too big now, they droop and are uncomfortable." I exclaimed using seal tape to close the boxes.

"Which is another thing I came to talk to you about." She immediately mentioned her voice raised a bit. "I get you're trying to lose weight Jack but aren't you going a little, I don't know too hard on yourself, I'm worried." She asserts and I frown wondering where the cold emotionless human that was my sister had gone.

"Kat you don't need to worry, you never need to worry, its each man for himself in this house, so why care now." I respond and she sighs heavily. "I get that but you're my brother and you didn't use to take so much meds, the freezer in the basement is now a fish locker, you drink most of your meals, you run eight to ten kilometers a day and ontop of that you're at the gym after school, you're going too hard on yourself and I'm worried that you'll crash." She points out but I chuckle, finding her concern amusing.

"For two years and a few months, the mere mention of me being your brother sent you on a rage spiral, you hated my very existence and yet now you care, that's rich, where was this care when I was bullied, belittled and abused by our father!" I snapped at her and she shook clearly in shock of my outburst.

"I'm so tired of people trying to seem like they care about me now, because they notice what I'm doing, I don't need your care Kat or your concern." I conclude and the tears in her eyes aren't enough to move me.

"I'm so sorry Jack." She tries coming forward but I hold up my hand. "We've been past this sis, you couldn't handle being related to me, I can accept that." She shakes her head in refusal.

"Now for me, its changed, I can't handle being related to you, and as you can clearly see I have a lot of stuff to get done along with getting a vitamin B drip in my system because you suck out the very life from me, get out." I tell her pointing to the door and she hesitates for a moment before accepting the defeat and walking to the door.

"I know I've been a bitch as a sister, if you need anything I'll be here, trying to make up for hurting you." She says before closing the door completely and I give her no response, family or not, I was done with her.

"I hate you Ryder Edwards." I grumble sitting down at my desk with a pile of Ryder's assignments that needed to get done, it was surprisingly a lot of work though he didn't have any core classes which was surprising, yet I had to praise him for atleast trying at school and not just being a total playboy who fucked anything labeled male bottom or versatile twink.

Taking on the man's workload plus my own exhausted me but I got it done, yet I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened earlier when we went to Sports Shack, I expected Dustin to have some kind of bad side or at least something on a permanent record yet seeing him interact with Ryder, knowing they moved in what were basically the same social groups sent me on high alert, I couldn't trust Dustin or Ryder.

I didn't know what their beef was with each other and I certainly did not want to get involved, its why I got out when they were so invested in their dick measuring contest, did everything I needed to do before coming back home to do my broadcast.

"I gotta say Weis, watching two guys one 6'3 the other probably a 6'4 trying to intimidate each other, is kinda hot, makes you need a refresher downtown." I chortled and my dog gave me a light bark. "I know, come on I bought your favourite snacks." I tell my dog snapping my fingers so he follows, I grab my glasses on the way. The doggie bowl, well one of several made clank sounds when I poured the treats and Weis did not waste time digging in.

"Hmm, you look adorable honey." My mother exclaims shocking me. "Mom, what the hell, I thought you said you're out for the night." I state calming down and packing the large bag of dog treats away. "Yeah I cancelled, realized I have an early meeting in the morning." She responds with a tired sigh and I walk over to her, just to give her a hug.

"Whatever it is, you're a strong independent woman, with two amazing kids, you'll be okay." I comfort her knowing this was about a guy, not any work meeting she had, I'd seen it way too many times. "I'll make you a sandwich and some tea, you can turn in for the night." I add and she nods with a smile as we separate.

"How's school?" She asks settling down on the kitchen island stool. "You know, stressful as always but I'll pull through." I answer and she snickers. "You say that yet I get calls from your teachers each with their own words of praise for you because you're doing so well, honey I can't pretend to know the kind of pressure you're under but if you need a break or extra on your allowance don't hesitate to tell me okay, you deserve it." She exclaims and I couldn't help smile, just a little.

It seems changing myself was changing her too. "Thanks mom, I'll keep that in mind." I say placing a plate of sandwiches and a mug of tea in front of her, I opt for a smoothie, all natural goodness. "Thanks baby." She mutters after finishing the food and leaving the kitchen. "Anytime."

Being Jackson.

Saint Jay.