"what a feeling.."

chapter three: here we go

(btw most of this chapter contains body image issues, including body dismorphia, so if you are uncomfortable, there will be a "~" to indicate when the body talk is over! happy reading!)

bodies have always been confusing for me, especially my own. they're all beautiful but, i have yet to seek my own. whenever i see another person holding onto the body i desire or already have and take pride in it, i find a piece of beauty in myself.

my body type has always caused me confusion. i was quite thin when i was younger, but as i entered the last year of elementary school the weight gain was creeping onto me.

people have told me lots of things about my body, positive and negative, though i still haven't distinguished the difference. i've been told i look skinny, i've been told i look fat, curvy, pudgy, healthy, unhealthy, the list goes on. i don't know who to believe. the people who have told me these things range from my tias at parties or the boy at school who compared me to a gorilla.

in the past year, i've thankfully built up my confidence. slowly, yes, but i still have my rough times. this is one of those times, but no worries!! i'll get over it, i always do. learning to accept my rounded and tall figure is maturing.

"ya se ma, cuando vamos a checar las fajas??" (i know ma, when are we gonna check out the shapewear??) i recounted the money in my pocket as i waited for them to finish up.

~

"a lo mejor esta semana que viene, ah y mañana llega tu vestido!" (probably this next week, oh and your dress comes in tomorrow!) i mentally took note of what she said, grabbing the keys to start the car for her. "me voy ir subiendo?" (do i go in already?)

"si está bien" (yes it's fine) she grabbed my sister's backpack and escorted her to the car as well, since her school was closer we dropped her off first.

after that was done, we went to my school next. i noticed that the sky looked gloomy and grey, just how i liked it.

"dijeron que hoy iba a llover y caer un poco de granizo.." (they said that it was gonna rain today and some hail is gonna fall) she inhaled sharply at the murky skies, hoping that the weather wouldn't affect me and how i would go about my school day. "traes tu sombrilla?" (did you bring your umbrella?)

"si ma" (yeah ma) i showed her my compact umbrella, grabbing my things as she got in line to drop me off.

"ok, 'ta bueno, mándame mensaje si algo te pasa, i love you" (ok that's fine, text me if something happens to you, i love you) i kissed her cheek goodbye as i repeated back an 'i love you' and got out.

8:06 AM

"i've got some time on my hands.." i looked at the time from my phone as i walked inside school grounds, heading to the classroom where my friends were.

pacing down the hallways, i see a familiar figure. with a soft smile tugging onto my lips, i greet them.

"adrian!"  we exchanged handshakes.

"yo! what's good yami? clean fit you got there" the short boy greeted me, letting go of my hand.

"thanks man, same goes for you! where's joslyn..?" i looked around the semi crowded halls, trying to seek out missing friend.

"she's probably late again, if she doesn't come in the next five minutes we're gonna leave without her.." he sighed, checking his phone for notifications specifically from her.

"man.. what are you gonna get at the gas station?" i stretched my arms, still sleepy. the air was so warm around us, i could doze off any minute now.

"probably a monster.." he muttered in hopes of me not being able to hear him. fortunately, i did.

"what's up with you and monsters? i mean i get it they're good but dawg you buy like two every other day, you're gonna be on life support one day-"   i raised a brow at him.

"it is what it is" he shrugged his shoulders, noticing a figure running from the corner of his eye.

"look who decided to come!"

"so sorry i'm late!! i overslept.." joslyn rested her hands on her knees, trying to catch her lack of breath.

"yeah yeah, let's go already, we knew a gremlin like you would be late again"  snickering, he nudged her side as we walked outside right to the gas station.

"not my fault i like to sleep, shortstack" taking offense to his insult, she nudged him back.

"we're seriously doing this again? i'm literally taller than you! right yami?" he asked for me to defend his argument, snapping out of my daydreaming.

"y'all are both short" i chuckled, seeing his offended face i added more to my statement "but yeah, adrian is the taller one"

"at least i'm not godzilla.." he coughed sarcastically at my direction.

"oh well, too bad for you! the breeze up here is incredible" i pretended to stretch, taking in the cool breeze in the small building as we entered.

as we browsed the small shop i noticed some wacky looking figures roaming around, i'm talkin real goofy. they had loud projecting voices i could hear a mile away, cartoon like bodies and anatomy, and they had sound effects? either they were some furries or my mind really took an effect on how much i slept last night.

i heard that they were causing some mayhem wherever they walked. not wanting to get involved with new things, i stayed as far away from them as possible until i felt a tap on my shoulder.