𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐊 𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐄. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆
"my biggest regret will always be leaving
you the way i did but i'm
here right now and i'll spend the rest
of my life making it up to you...
because you're the one who has
my entire heart."
. •...
ETERNAL. chapter two — OLD FEELINGS RETURN "i thought i moved on but he's someone you can spend a lifetime trying to get over."
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ASTERIA EDWARDS. "mermaid"
I WASN'T SURE HOW TO FEEL AFTER SEEING DEREK FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS. all this time i believed he died in the fire. that he was gone forever and i was never going to get him back. i forced myself to accept the fact my best friend was dead. so to see him well and alive after all these years, it felt like a kick in the stomach. i couldn't breathe. it took me the longest time to pull myself out of the denial he was gone. my body wouldn't let me accept i no longer had him. but now here he was... i hated him more than anything.
i also couldn't hate him. seeing him again brought back feelings i for sure thought i moved on from. this just made me realize they never went away as i never had the proper closure. the feelings and love i always had for him never went away. i never thought about them over the years but i knew they never went away. how could they? especially for someone like derek?
derek was always the one who understood me better than anyone else. he was the only one able to read me, knew me like the back of his hand. hell, he didn't even have to be with me when something went wrong for him to know. anytime i was having a bad day, it's like he knew right away before he even saw me. how he was able to do that was beyond me. it did in fact make me feel incredibly special and loved. it made our friendship so special.
the older we got, the stronger and deeper my feelings for him grew. as much as i tried to fight these feelings, to ignore them, nothing ever seemed to work. i couldn't stop myself from falling in love with derek hale. falling in love with your best friend could either be the best thinker or the worst thing. for me, it seemed to be the worst thing.
derek never saw me as anything more than a best friend. i mean how could he? i was never anything special. i never really stood out in high school and i kept close with my small circle of friends. he fell into the popular crowd and was friends with everyone, shamelessly flirted with a bunch of girls. he was someone who had the girls swooning over him constantly. sometimes it made me extremely jealous but lucky for me i was able to hide it well. though sometimes it was hard for me to because quite often did i want him to myself only. as much as i didn't want to have feelings for him, i did and there was nothing that could change that. not even now...
a part of me didn't want me to hold that grudge over him not telling me he was leaving and what happened. that part wanted me to just let him back in and let him explain everything. but another part of me hated him for leaving me with so much pain, leaving me the way he did. i didn't want to sound selfish, but he wasn't the only one i had to grieve. i was left alone to grieve his family that were my family as well. i hated him now for leaving me alone to grieve not only him, but the family as well.
