FADED VIRIDITY

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

That traumatic experience blocked my heart from love and men. I was cold to any form of affection, and I stopped asking strangers for favors. Even if I was desperate. Surely not everyone goes through this experience, and surely not all men are the same but an unfortunate number of women still do. This is when I realized that the whole nature of fairytales is senseless. We should not be waiting for a prince to rescue us from our hell. We should search for an armored suit and adorn it ourselves. As women, we can slay any dragon if we put our mind to it. There's a psychological trick that was found which enables the user to getsomeone to believe a thing that isn't true. The way it works is to repeatedly and continuously mention it until it is believed. If you repeat something, people are more likely to believe it. Narcissists use this all the time, and society follows suit. Society whispers into women's ears from young that they won't amount to anything, or that they need to be in a relationship to mean something, or that life only starts after marriage. 

Women need to change that narrative and read our kids different stories. Accomplishments should be celebrated regardless of your marital status.That was the focus of my life this year. I no longer felt pressured from society or family to get married. All I wanted was financial independence. And that's what I did. I focused all of my energy into becoming more stable in every way possible. My focus was my career. I started to take control of my life; I changed the things I kept complaining about. I booked sessions with a therapist until I could control my fears and anxiety. I stepped out of my comfort zone and leaped into a bank to take out a loan for a car. Once I was on the road, I searched madly for a one-bedroom apartment. I no longer needed acceptance or validation from my parents and I was happier because of it. I started off at a small, dingy business as a receptionist and worked my way up in the company to the next position. After a year of brining coffee to wealthy men, and answering calls from nasty clients I became a personal assistant to one of the managers in that company. After two years, I got an offer at a well-known corporation to work as a manager, and I took it.  

Five years of being a manager gave me sufficient funds to open my own business. I now have companies around Johannesburg, and I have employees running my businesses for me. Along the way of my accomplishments, I met my counterpart. I didn't go looking for him, I never initiated contact with, and I didn't even try to 'get him'. He persuaded me, accepted and allowed me to be who I was. He was not threatened by my success, and he, himself was a successful Dentist. He didn't judge me for my past, and accepted me for who I was. Our union was climatic, safe and secure. He proposed after year, and we wed. We now own our own house in a secure location. In no way did he become the center of my attention. He made my life better, and added to it but he did not consume my entire being and I didn't consume his. We worked parallel to one another and together when needed. We thrive together and apart, the way I have always desired. I may be broken but I have succeeded in spite of it. 

I also mended ties with my parents. The distance helped our relationship bloom into a healthy flower and both parties were able to fully be privy to the relationship in a wholesome manner. My parents apologized for their wrongs eventually, after much effort from my end. And, I... I learnt to respect and love them more each day.

Looking back, I realized that opportunities and success stories fall where andwhen they are meant to. It is beyond us to force our way up or into any situation. The best things happen gradually and organically. Moreover, I learnt that I didn't need to sell my soul or my body to any man in order to feel accepted, validated or loved. My focus should have been on my career from the beginning because that was what opened up my pathways. Not a husband, but my skill and knowledge. And no, you do not need a degree to be successful. You just need to find, and master, a skill good enough to earn you your freedom. For those women who are family-orientated and their goal is getting married and having kids, I salute you too. 

This isn't a feminist guide of insulting men and scorning women who want to settle down. In my opinion, feminism is rathermonolithic – which is ironic because the ideology is founded upon the basis of a kindred spirit. Yet overnight it metamorphosed into this unfaltering religion. Feminism is now used as a bible and followed blindly? Clearly, it does not share room for freedom. 

 My advice for women: Be the best version of yourself, and compete with yourself every day. Because you have more potential than you can ever comprehend, concentrate on becoming more than you are. Circumstances change even the harshest of ones, and most of them will be disastrous. In that event, your mindset is what really helps you flourish. Positive thinking is not a mere urban legend. Just as how prolonged negativity is fatal, positivity is contagious. Your situation WILL change for the better even if there is a delay. One day in your cloudy existence, YOU will be privy to the sun emerging simply because the sun is always present; the clouds only occasionally obscure it.The core essence of this blog is to inspire young women to understand that their narrative is independent of other people's perceptions and that life does not follow a set timeframe. You are the creator of your own blog – your effort and consistency will pay off. Don't give up