🔴TW 🔴: mentions of anxiety attack/ panic attack, Sexual Harassment, Yelling (odviously it's Sam 🤣), kinda smutty but not Devils Tango, kamedon (whatever it means when it's anything against a wall feel free to correct my spelling), mentions of Disordered Eating Behaviors and distorted self image
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the characters from the Seduce Me franchise that and all canonical facts mentioned all belong to Michaela Laws! Though the OC and the thought for this head-cannon was all from my simp brain.
(Before Diana arch but after the Malix arch):
*Third person POV*
This is the third time trying on an outfit combo and alas Sidney can't seem to find anything to wear. Either she isn't satisfied or the clothes simply don't fit her anymore. She rubs her forehead and lets out a defeated sigh due to the stress of the day. The day before she almost died, so to say the last week was stressful was an understatement. She puts her sweats back on and her sleep tank and hurries downstairs since the boys are probably at breakfast. She makes it to the dining room and sits herself down in her usual seat next to Matthew and Sam's usual seat, Sam who yet again is lagging behind and hasn't made it downstairs just yet. She sits down with a defeated huff and brings both hands to her face in frustration.
"Everything alright Miss?"
"Yeah why so down Sid?" Both James and Matthew ask showing concern as Sam finally makes it down the stairs.
"Nothing I own fits, and I hate clothes shopping because women's sizing is fucked so I have to try everything on. I tried finding something to wear but it just made me hate my body."
"Why are humans so hyper fixated on body's and shit?"
"Because unfortunately not everyone is a Incubus or Sucubus that just naturally looks at the least presentable all the time."
"It's a shame that humans have cultivated a toxic body image culture amongst its generations. Miss it's perfectly normal for your body to fluctuate weight wise especially at your age."
"Yes I understand but it sucks when I have to go shopping because Jeans for example with my body type I can't fit to my waist because then my legs and ass feel suffocated, but then pants are falling down my ass because I fit the jeans to my ass then my waist size. Then I gotta worry about my stomach poking out and DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HORIZONTAL LINES. WHATEVER GOD IS UP THERE SURELY HAS FAVORITES OR SOME SHIT BECAUSE ITS ALMOST LIKE THEY DECIDED OH YEAH 23 IS WHEN SHE WILL FINISH PUBERTY."
"What's the big deal about horizontal lines?" Sam asks, confused.
"Also Miss, humans actually aren't finished developing until the age of 25 at the least. So the late onset *cough* changes are actually normal." James interjects trying to lift Sidney's spirits.
"It just makes me look big and it makes me feel like a sack of potatoes. And ah yes, that is correct however doesn't exactly help the sizing issue I'm having because if my size was actually carried in stores it would make it easier; but alas most of the time stores don't carry mid size jeans in store. I've been putting off shopping so literally the sweats I'm wearing right now are one of the only things that fits me." Sidney replies solumly.
"Damn I would just go naked then." Sam jokes.
"Public nudity is actually illegal for the most part and I could get arrested for public indecency." She says as she lightly hits a now flushed Sam upside the head.
"OUCH!! HEY I THOUGHT WE WERE PAST THE HITTING DOOFUS!!" Sam yells as he lets out a huff and rubs his head as the mental images cause him to blush.
"OH QUIT BEING A BABY! I didn't even punch you that was a light smack or flick upside the head." She says waving it off like it was nothing.
"Princess, I would be more than happy to help you go shopping. I do have a knack for picking out clothes." Erik suggests.
"Really? That would actually be great." Sidney replies with a wide smile with a sigh of releif.
"I guess I'll go too. Not like I had anything else better to do anyway." Sam says nonchalantly.
"Why don't we all go. It would give us a chance to get out of the house after all the commotion of the last couple of days." James suggests.
They all get ready then head out to the SUV that just so happened to be in the garage of the huge mansion, thank god because 6 people in Sidney's Ford Focus would be impossible. James decides he would drive, Erik gets in the passenger seat. Sam and Matthew sit in the middle row while Sidney and Damian claim the back row. James adjusts the mirrors and see's an aux cord being polite he looks in the rear view mirror to look at Sidney.
"Miss would you like to provide the music for the ride?" James asks politely.
"Uh sure, here just click the first playlist on my Spotify." Sidney replies and passes her phone to Sam who then passes it to James.
"Probably just alot of bubblegum pop and showtunes." Sam snarks thinking of over hearing the times he's overheard her singing Justin Beiber, One Direction and various different musicals when he walked by her door. Not that he'd ever admit to actually listening in on her. Sidney lets out a laugh before replying.
"Oh Sammy boy, my music taste is so bipolar it'll probably give y'all whiplash."
"Tch, I doubt it Doofus you only really listen to one rock song." he scoffs remembering her ringtone.
With that the opening chords sound to the song 'Good Girls Bad Guys' by Falling in Reverse sounds which is one of the songs where all the Feminism and innocence leaves Sidney's body as she belts out the beginning lyrics and flips her hair in a helicopter motion. As she does this the boys look in shock except for James whom is driving but can get the image they are looking at. Sidney then belts out the second stanza.
"You've got pep in your step
You live your life with no regret
How you look when you were wet
Is something I cannot forget
I just wanna kiss your lips
The ones between your hips
If I cashed in all my chips on you
Then baby, I'd be rich"
Sam immediately turns his head around with eyes bulging out of his head and mouth agape. Sidney continues belting out the lyrics effortlessly without stuttering. The boys however all that could were staring at her shocked except for poor Damian. He who already knows she's a quote "Whore in spirit but not in practice" is currently laughing at their reactions and thoughts at Sidney's ridiculous suggestive dance moves due to the context of the song. As the song ends Sam is still staring at Sidney meanwhile Damien is still laughing because of the look and thoughts running through his older brother's head.
"What the HELL was that?!"
"Uh, your the one that just assumed I listened to cheesy love songs and musicals." Sidney says with the same tone he used when he made the assumption. She then thinks of the worse songs that she listens to that are more explicit than this one not minding if Damian could hear her thoughts.
"She actually knows songs with more explicit lyrics than this one, this song is tame." Damian adds knowing that Sidney wouldn't mind him saying this info as it would add to their humor.
A more chill song starts playing and Sidney just starts to sing it ignoring Damian and Sam. As they get to the mall James parks in the first parking spot he could find that was of reasonable distance from the closest mall entrance. All of the gang gets out and in their respective groups go into the mall. James, Matthew and Damian were gonna browse around and go to the arcade. Sam, and Erik were gonna help Sidney shop for clothes so they headed to one of the department stores.
"Oh Princess this is gonna be so fun." Erik exclaims genuinely a little excited since he has a heavy interest in fashion he has ddiscovered since coming to the human world.
"I sure hope so, just some ground rules for clothes though, I don't like alot of pink and I'm not to big of a fan of mini skirts. Jeans and pants also can't be low rise. Also because of my sensory issues I prefer fabrics not being too textured, velvet though is perfectly fine. Just anything too thick, wool, or ruff feeling will make me really uncomfortable." Sidney states, not that she doesn't trust Eriks expertise but she is a little particular but is genuinely curious as to what he would pick out for her.
"Not to worry Princess, I'll take those into consideration when making my selection." Erik replies with a smile, though holds a slight bit of mischief in his eyes at the thought of picking something to fluster his little brother whom he knows has a crush on her. She managed to get 'The Brute' of the five of them to well for one beg to stay in her abode, two actually made him dare Erik say a little less well bruty, three well she knows his actual name. Though knowing his brother he isn't gonna admit it, but for now he's just gonna have a little fun knowing this information.
"So why has shopping for clothes been so difficult again? Don't you just need a shirt and bottoms and thats it??" Sam says looking at all the varieties of clothes as they enter a department store.
"Eh, the past few years my body has experienced alot of well.. physical changes. It's become difficult to find clothes that make me feel good about myself. Usually I just get frustrated or cry then leave with nothing because nothing looks good or even fits. I'm probably dumping a lot with saying this but I've had difficulty with my relationship with food and my body image in recent years. My self esteem has also been awful. It's all gotten better but it's a work in progress." She answers trying her best not to go into the disordered behaviors of which she has harmed herself and how she has gone about her body image issues.
Sam and Erik both attempt to hide the shock on their faces; Erik from his knowledge of the fashion industry knows exactly what she's beating around the bush about. Sam looks at the very slight solum look in her eyes as she responds to his question. He can tell she was beating around the bush but wasn't gonna push it.
"There shall be no tears today under my watch Darling Princess,now what are your measurements? Just so that way I can look for sizes easier." Erik now also determined to boost her spirits and also torture his brother.
"Ugh, I know my band size in bra's are a 36 inch, um as far as jeans go I'm between a size 14-16. Last time I had measurements done I was fresh out of highschool." Sidney says biting her lip nervously.
"Perfect, that gives me plenty to work with, you two just look around of course Princess if you see anything that you like pick it up but ill be back when I have a couple of outfits." Erik says as he goes on a hunt to find clothes. Sidney and Sam on the other hand just look around for clothes sharing an awkward yet comfortable silence. Sam decided to take this opportunity to get to know her a little bit.
"So, um, what kinda clothes do you usually like to wear?" Mentally smacking himself 'WHAT KINDA QUESTION IS THAT?!'
"Well my style itself is kinda mixed, I like denim jeans and shorts, t-shirts, tank tops, I hate the way my arms look so I like to wear cardigans a lot or anything with sleeves. I like to describe it as 2014 alt-girl/tumblr girl esthetic. I do occasionally like to doll up and put on big dresses and frolick in open fields." Sidney replies.
"Why do you hate your arms?" Sam says raising a brow.
"Well, I get strawberry skin so it makes my arms feel rough. It's gotten better. I just have some residual discoloration from it." Sidney says looking at clothes as she answers the question.
"I hardly even noticed, I mostly notice the freckles across your skin." Sam says kinda nonchalantly but also trying to be matter a factly.
"Surprisingly, I actually really like my freckles.. so thank you." She says staring at him with a side smile. Erik however walks back after picking out some outfits to start out with. Smiling as he see's his hopeful sister in law smiling at his little brother. Of course as Sam sees his brothers cheeky smile he immediately looks annoyed.
"Alright Princess, I picked out four outfits enough to start out with, I didn't want to overwhelm you too much."
"Ooo thank you. Okay let's get to the dressing room."
Sidney gets set up in the dressing room as the two men sit on the bench outside the hallway of rooms in front of the mirrors. Erik sits smug knowing the empending struggle his brother is gonna have trying to mask his little crush. Sidney finds a dressing room then hears.
"NOW REMEMBER PRINCESS WALK OUT FOR EVERY OUTFIT UNLESS IT DOESN'T FIT!!" She gets an inclination he's up to something from the short light green dress as one of his pickings. It's her favorite color yes, but she worries about it being to short and her stomach poking out. She decides to wait on that one and walks out in a more simple number. Dark wash jeans, and a black peasant top with bell sleeves. She does a three sixty in the mirror actually surprised they both fit her this well. She opens the door to walk out and does a turn for Erik and Sam getting their opinions.
"Oh simply Darling princess!" Erik says excited that she seems to like it. Sam's face however is neutral, nothing out of the ordinary from what she likes to wear. Sidney does a 360 degree turn with a happy penguin like dance.
"I'm just surprised you managed to find stuff that fits. And the pants aren't to long either!" She says beaming in happiness which Sam noticed and let a small smirk show.
"Alright princess, show us another you got three more I need to see." Erik says, waiting for the dress number.
"Okay..." Sidney says going back to the dressing room. She goes in and chooses another one still avoiding the green dress for last. After two more successful outfits that she definitely loved she finally had to go back and put on the light green Mini dress. "Come on out Princess!" Erik exclaimed.
"Do I have to come out for this one?" Sidney asks feeling self cautious.
"Did I get the wrong size?"
"No it's just.... It fits well. But maybe if I had some shapewear...-"
"Princess if it fits I wanna see it then we can determine if shapewear is suited for the ensemble."
"Just come on out Doofus!"
"Ugh fine." She says as she slightly sucks it in as she walks out looking down. Erik noticed the blush that started to creep up onto Sam's face as he took in the sight of his crush in a short dress in his soul color.
"Princess can you look up for us please." Erik asks knowing she's definitely pink in the face. She looks up and then walks up to the mirrors and Sam then gets a view of the back of the dress and is reminded that she has quite the posterior and thighs to match. "Man...just imagine if she was- WHAT AM I THINKING STOP IT AOMARIS! Mmm but what if she were to bend over- NO STOP IT! She looks really pretty in green though—AAHHH!" Sam proceeded to put his hand over his mouth and looked over at his older brother whom has a shit eating grin.
"Hmm I do like the color." Sidney says looking at it from the side.
"Ah yes Princess that color and satin fabric looks stunning on you, curly red locks and all. Why would you want shapewear?"
"Thanks! Light greens are actually my favorite color. I don't know really I have these hip dips because my hip bones are right here where I have a little bit of what people call..love handles. Just kinda also insecure about my mid section." She says doing a little happy dance but then referring to the parts she was mentioning which does nothing to stop Sam's imagination from running wild. "Her favorite color is green...GOD IF YOU ARE LISTENING IS THIS SOME SICK FUCKIN JOKE? Those 'hip dips' are fuckin hot though, mmmm 'love handles' is a perfect term for those I just wanna grab them and...... STOP IT SAM!"
"Sam you haven't said anything what do you think of the lovely princess" Erik leans in closer to whisper.
"Doesn't she look... Ravishing" Sam immediately shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath and looks at Sidney and blushes when he notices she is looking at him; shyly?
"I-It's uh.. it's nice." He replies gritting his teeth with a toothless smile. "REALLY AOMARIS!! 'It's nice' REALLY!" Sidney does another 360 degree turn before hopping off the pedestal.
"Really?! Okay I guess I'll get it then. Actually surprised it suits me." Sidney says with a smile in his direction not intentionally but just out of happiness. As she walks to the back to put her clothes back on Sam takes a calming breath as his brother lets out a laugh.
"Really Erik?! Didn't she say she wasn't comfortable with short skirts?"
"Ah uh uh, she didn't say anything about short dresses, plus I wanted to push her out of her comfort zone just a little bit. Plus I wanted to see your reaction. She's definitely got the curves to fill out a dress, am I wrong? The pale green satin material is just darling on her as well!" Erik replied mischievously.
"And why did you need my reaction?" Sam says, sounding irritated at the idea yet not surprised.
"I've just noticed you've grown quite fond of our lovely Princess. You've actually been less of a grouch,and you even gave her permission to use your real name."
"She literally could have died yesterday. Malix was targeting her, that's the only reason I gave her that permission. It's the least I can do for getting her involved in our shit." Sam says slightly lying, he's honestly not sure what he's feeling. Lust is there, yes, but it's... deeper than that.
"That is true, she definitely has put her neck out for us. She even faced him off with no hesitation."
"She probably thinks I'm a monster."
"Sam, even I would know that is not at all what she thinks. You saved her life yesterday-"
"Yes but-"
"But what Sam? 'No one could possibly want a Brute' not that you are anything like Father whom is an actual monster, but I'll have you know there are FOUR women including your own mother that would state in some way or another otherwise. Not insinuating anything but I can tell it's something you need to hear especially since your own mother would say the same thing. For it was the crown that made Father a monster not that he is a Brute demon. You on the other hand are an Incubus, of whom yes your extended powers are that of Fathers but doesn't equate you to the monster he is. Those who care and love you see that." Erik says, trying to peep talk his brother.
"PFFT, whatever." Sam says being stubborn not wanting to be lectured like his mother used to.
Just a moment later Sidney walked out of the dressing room with all four outfits in hand ready to check out and head to other stores. As they walk out with bags in hand they head to the next destination. Sidney looks over at Sam and notices his unreadable expression.
"Sam, is there any store that you would want to check out? I'd hate to not ask sense, You probably wouldn't wanna look at all the woman's clothes all day." Sidney says with a genuine kind smile hoping to lift his spirits since he's seemed dejected since yesterday.
"I'm fine Doofus, you need clothes. I don't have any specific store I need to check out. Uh thanks though." Sam says actually quite surprised.
Taking a chance to get them to have alone time Erik decides he should use the bathroom.
"Ah, you guys go along Princess I have yours and Sam's numbers so you guys continue shopping while I use the restroom."
"Okay I'll let you know where we end up." Sidney replies. After Erik walks off Sidney looks over to Sam.
"Hey wanna check out one of my favorite stores? It's got a lot of anime and music Merchandise." Sidney says with a smile.
"Sure let's head that way" Sam replies letting her lead the way. As they walk she still notices that very slight distant expression.
"Sam, is something bothering you? I hope you aren't still upset about yesterday." Sidney says quietly, hoping to lift his spirits.
"It's nothing to worry about Doofus-"
"But Sam, truly I don't want you to beat yourself up for saving my life yesterday? I don't know what it was like where you come from but I know that I am utmost grateful for you not only trusting me with your name, but also grateful for you saving my life." She says quietly looking into his green eyes. Sam stares at her dumbfounded. "She... what?"
"I'm not scared of you, I'm grateful because I know you spent a lot of energy doing so. I am also happy that you chose to stay..." She said again getting shy and a flush showing on her cheeks. Sam again is dumbfounded "she's not scared of me? Is she actually blushing?- it's really cute." She had managed to make him speechless yet again. "How can she be so nice like this? Will I ever understand why? What is this feeling..."
"Doofus, you don't have to thank me. It was the least I could do for getting you caught up in all our bullshit." Sam says still walking but looking at her in the eyes.
"Well I'm thanking you anyways. Deal with it." Sidney says determined while poking her tongue out.
"Whatever you say, Doofus." Sam says with a laugh.
"Oh! Here it is! Come on, you'll like it here." Sidney says excitedly, grabbing his hand and struggling to drag the demon behind her.
"Chill out Doofus I'm right behind ya!" Sam says with a smile as he gets dragged into the 'HotTopic'. The dark interior intrigues him as the aray of pop culture and music Merchandise enters his vision. The sound of rock music adds to the atmosphere.
"So what do you think?" Sidney says.
"Too early to tell but the music is dope." Sam says honestly.
"Well look around and explore! I'm gonna look at the band t-shirts and the anime shirts." Sidney says as she runs to the far left wall with the variety of graphic designs which he assumes would be on the shirts. He decided to look in the back which had some Pop figures. Not like he can read the band shirts anyways. As he does so he can't help but notice how oblivious Sidney is about her surroundings. She bends down to grab a shirt and as she does so a group of guys in the distance just stares at her as she bends over. Sam sends them a death glare and a couple seconds later they see him glaring and immediately they get out of the store. He goes back to browsing and a couple of minutes goes by and Sidney walks up to Sam's side with two shirts in hand.
"Hey I grabbed what I needed, you ready? What do you think?"
"Pretty cool actually, I'll have to come back sometime. Did anyone bother you by the way?"
"EEK! I knew you would like it! And no why do you ask?" Sidney says, tilting her head to the side.
"No reason, come on we should go and find Erik." Sam says with a sigh. "Of course she's oblivious to it. I wonder how many times that's happened and she just..doesn't see it."
As they walk out of the store in a comfortable silence he decides to survey the area a tiny bit as they walk. Sidney, only wearing a simple outfit consisting of just jeans, a camisole, and a cardigan still managed to catch the eye of some strangers as they walked by but the moment they looked at Sam's intense gaze they averted their gaze. Sidney just continued to stare ahead texting Erik on her phone wondering where he was. "She truly just doesn't notice a thing."
It's not that she doesn't notice, Sidney is quite hyper vigilant herself. Just one way or another the looks she gets just truly never get picked up unless it's in front of her face. They catch up with Erik and after a couple more stores Sidney feels they have successfully gotten her enough clothes to last her a good bit. A thought crosses her mind. "Have the boys ever been to a human club before?"
"Hey, have you guys been to a Club since you guys have been here?" Sidney asks in curiosity.
"No, James usually had us sightseeing and we just did mostly that since being here." Sam replied curious as to why she asked the question.
"Why do you ask Princess?"
"Well if you guys want to try it out, since we don't have to worry about Malix, why don't we go out and let loose a little bit? It's just people our age drinking alcohol and dancing, I mostly go because of the music." Sidney asks hopefully.
Erik, having watched a couple of popular human shows knows what the 'Club' entails. He smiles as he is all for the idea because of a certain green dress in one of her many bags.
"Oh that sounds like a splendid idea Princess, one condition though I pick the outfit." Erik states.
Sam yet again confused by his older brother's eagerness but also concerned raises an eyebrow. He, unlike his brother, has little to no idea what exactly a club is, but by the sounds of Erik wanting to pick out Sidney's clothes he can only imagine what it could entail.
"Uh I don't know, shouldn't we lay low because of all the stuff that's happened." Sam chimed in.
"Awe, come on Sam. All of us and the Princess deserve to act our age." Erik explains before the rest of the boys walk up.
"What are you all talking about?" James asks.
"Sidney was suggesting that to let loose a little bit we should go to a Club tonight." Sam explains with a groan.
"It would also give you guys a chance to get a taste of how humans our age have fun a little bit." Sidney adds.
"Ooo that sounds like fun!" Matthew says with excitement.
"Well I don't see why not, as long as we drink responsibly, know where each of us is, and nothing dangerous happens I don't see why not. Plus, I could use a little recharge so to me that sounds like a perfect idea." James is intrigued by the idea but also suspicious with the mischievous glint in Erik's eyes. He however was serious about needing to recharge his energy; he doesn't want it getting too low.
"That does sound like a lot of fun. Are there quiet parts of clubs too?" Damian asks.
"Of course, if you need Damian there are always outside areas especially at the one that I have in mind." Sidney explains as she definitely wants Damian to be as comfortable as possible around that many people, as she feels a maternal instinct towards the youngest of the five.
"Ugh fine, but I still don't think it's a great idea." Sam exclaimed with a groan. He'll still go mostly because if Sidney can hardly pick up when guys check her out, if alcohol is in the mix there is no telling.
"Sam, why are you so worried about her? She knows how to handle herself, have more faith in her." Damian whispers to Sam.
"Damian you didn't see what I had to watch today, I just want to be sure she'll be okay." Sam says in a hushed tone.
"Actually Sam I do know what you saw today, because that's all you have been able to pay any mind to. SHE is all you think about, but SHE also knows how to handle herself to the best of her abilities." Damian says because truly he sees Sidney as a dear friend. His brother's concerns may have validity, but he knows that his brother at the moment is worrying way too much. Sam just growls stubbornly and just keeps on walking alongside everyone.
They get back to the house and Erik and Sidney both head up to her room as they all get ready.
"Erik, why must I wear this dress tonight?" Sidney exclaims from her bathroom through the door.
"Princess, if you are going to a club it is the perfect opportunity to showcase that dress." Erik replies.
Sidney walks out dressed in the ensemble with a groan. It's not that she doesn't like the dress, it's just out of her comfort zone. Sidney sees the mischief in his gaze and decides to drill him on his antics today.
"Erik, why are you so insistent on picking out clothes for me and specifically this dress?" She says with a raised eyebrow and covers her arms with her hands. Erik, not so unphased by the question, gets up and removes her hands from her arms looking down on her.
"Princess if I can be so bold, it's my way of saying thank you for being so hospitable to me and my brothers. I also happen to notice that you and a certain brother of mine are quite close." Sidney's cheeks flush at the thought of a certain emerald eyed demon. She replies as she sits down at her vanity.
"I mean he did save my life-"
"Sidney, I am a demon of lust. I am an expert in knowing when a person has 'the hots' for someone. And demons don't just share names if they don't at the least deeply trust the person they give the permission to." Erik interrupted and the sound of her actual name finally leaving his lips had her eyes wide in shock. She looks down at the light green dress, fingers fidgeting with the satin silk material nervously. She takes a deep breath and looks back up at his purple eyes in the mirror.
"Am I-um are, humans looked down upon in the Abyssal Plains usually?" Sidney asks nervously.
Erik, caught off guard by the question, looks down, shocked that she even thought to ask that.
"To answer simply yes, but if you are wondering no that is not at all how Sam or either of us sees you." Erik says reassurance in his gaze. "Where on earth did that question come from Princess?" Erik says after a brief pause.
"Just the other day, Sam was trying to wake me up.. I didn't hear everything he was talking to himself about but he said something about demons and humans and how if he ever went back he would be 'Ridiculed for the rest of his life'? Just wanted some understanding on the matter mostly. It didn't hurt my feelings at all because it would make sense when one thinks about it. Plus as far as humans go I know from experience a taste of how cruel they can be." Sidney says, biting the inside of her cheek. Erik let's out a huff and holds his hand at his brow. "Ugh I swear Sam you truly are a wreckless brute. Dracae, forgive your son for not knowing at all how to talk to women." Erik said internally before putting both his hands on her shoulders to pep her up and lift her spirits.
"Princess, even if our people think like that just know we are here now and trust me NONE of us look down on you or think less of you. You are a strong and capable young woman who can sure smack the shit out of a man if she so needed to. My brother is a hopeless idiot who's mouth as you well know opens before he thinks but I will tell you he actually was rendered speechless today when you walked out in this dress." Erik says to her in the mirror. She looks up at Erik hopeful but then laughs.
"I knew you were up to something!" She says, getting up and turning around to shoving his shoulder playfully.
"All in the name of messing with my little brother Princess, nothing else. Plus, you need to show him what he's missing because I can't see anyone more perfect for him. Plus you have the assets show them off." Erik lets out a laugh holding his hands up in defense. They both finish getting ready and Erik does her hair as she was very insistent on doing her own makeup. As Erik finished her hair and stepped back Sidney is just finishing putting on her lipstick. Not too far off from her actual lip shade but certainly made her full lips more enticing.
"Okay, if my brother doesn't do anything tonight he would officially be the biggest idiot in all three plains and seven circles of Hell." Erik said satisfied with his work.
"Your just saying that-"
"Princess, don't be so humble. You should take my word for what it's worth. I am ex-demon royalty after all." Erik interrupted.
"Hold the fuck up! You guys were royalty?! That would explain the castle actually. That actually does give me some further insight as to why y'all left. James was the heir and then the line of succession just follows...Y'all don't have any ex's do you?!" Sidney says starting to ramble on as TV Drama storylines play in her head.
"Oh wow you picked that up fast." Erik says in a little bit of shock about the ex part not specifying though.
"Oh history is one of my favorite subjects in school, so I pick up on that kind of stuff fast with royal families and stuff. Plus I've watched a fair amount of teen dramas to which you still haven't answered my question." Sidney explains.
"My my; kind, beautiful, fiesty, and intelligent. Princess aren't you just the full package." Erik says steering the subject. Sidney's mind can't help but remind her of some of her faults.
"Oh trust me, I'm not." Erik can't help but look at the solum look in her eyes in the mirror and can't help but think of where she is mentally.
"Whoever made you believe otherwise is even more of an idiot than my brother, and that's saying a lot because poor thing is illiterate." Erik says making eye contact in the mirror on her vanity.
"Oh my god! I feel terrible!" She exclaims as she came to the realization.
"Why is that Princess?" Erik asks.
"I asked if there was any store he wanted to go into, he said not really so I thought showing him one of my favorites would suffice because the vibe fits him a little; they play rock music, there is gaming and anime merchandise, they even have funny graphic Tees. He was willing to go but he just stood towards the back looking at pop figures. I didn't know he couldn't read. I must have unintentionally upset him, that's why he was so mopey afterwards." Sidney says again, rambling like she does. Erik let out a laugh so loud he was almost crying.
"Oh goodness Princess, I can assure you he is just defaulted that way. You didn't upset him, trust me. Oh god that was good though. I assure you princess he probably very much enjoyed the thought." He says hands on his knees as he takes deep breaths.
As the rest of the boys waited downstairs Sam paced back and fourth.
"What the hell is taking them so long!" Sam says annoyed as Erik and Sidney had been getting ready for the past two hours.
"Oh chill out Sam, we didn't set a time on when we were going anyways." Matthew replies as the clock hits 10:00 pm.
"They got caught up talking Sam, no need to get your instincts in a twist." Damian snarks at him, Matthew laughing with him while pushing his shoulder.
"Haha, very funny squirts! I'll remember that the next time we are training."
"Mom won't appreciate that! She said if anyone lays a hand on me then she'll handle them herself." Damian says boldly with only a shit eating grin only little brothers could do.
"Your mom isn't even here!"
"Tell that to Sidney! She said I'm her honorary son." Sam looks up towards the balcony where both staircases meet and looks back towards Damian. His heart warms at the idea of her and his little brother having that kind of friendship. Erik and Sidney make their way down the stairs. Much to Erik's dismay though, Sidney wanted to walk by herself rather than be escorted. Sidney of course was wearing the pale green dress along with: silver strapped sandals that went up mid-calf, and her hair in a half up half down style but Erik left out some little curls to give a more romantic look and frame her face. Her makeup however was a simple brown smokey eye with a pale iridescent green in her inner corners of her eyes. Erik walks down the stairs first and then Sidney walks down. Sam as he turns around now knows why Erik was insistent on picking out the outfit.
"Is he trying to torture me?" Sam's face flushes as he takes in the sight of the short dress which already brings a lot of attention to her long legs but the straps of her sandals going up her calf just adds to the attention. The way her hair frames her face and the makeup just added to what was already there. Sam simply couldn't take his eyes off of her which was noticeable by all the brothers who all but Erik and Damian were ever so slightly snickering at the sight of Sam yet again, lost for words. Sidney, noticing the stare, looked down at the ground and blushed.
Everyone heads into the club and they break off into their groups. Damian preferred to stay outside Matthew doing the same, everyone else was inside. James and Erik decided they were going to top up on energy, which left Sam and Sidney to their own devices. Sidney decided she was going to let loose a tiny bit and order a drink, Sam just stood on standby observing the place. Sidney after being handed her mojito turns her stool around to face Sam.
"Are you doing okay? Want me to buy you a drink?" Sidney says slowly sipping on the straw.
Sam gives Sidney a side glance before replying.
"I'm fine, Doofus." Sam says through the loud music as he watches the bunch of human's dancing on eachother.
"You sure, I'm surprised your not joining James and Erik. You spent a lot of energy yesterday." Sidney says trying to phrase the question to not be so obvious. She genuinely was curious, there was plenty of energy to go around here if he needed. She remembered what Matthew had told her; demons only need two things to survive: food, and energy. It also begged the question, was Erik right about Sam's feelings? Sam however looked into her doe brown eyes. He felt awkward about taking strangers' sexual energy but it's not like there is a lot of rage to feed off of. He knew he needed to feed eventually, but the fear of something happening to her when he wasn't around overshadowed the thought to top up on energy.
"I'm perfectly fine Doofus, no need to worry about me." Just as Sam said that Sidney immediately jumped out of her stool excited as a Shakira song started blasting through the speakers. He looked at her drink and it was three quarters empty. Sidney finds a clear space on the dance floor to dance away from anybody and starts gyrating her hips in circular motions and slowly raising her hands up above her head like she's a belly dancer. Granted she doesn't claim to be a professional but for someone who took a few dance classes she can stay on beat decently. Sam stares in shock and awe as the song says; he really didn't know she could dance like this. He then started to notice some eyes coming from men who were standing nearby her but she was dancing like they weren't watching. Sidney however is aware that they are probably watching but she pays no mind. Yes she's uncomfortable with it, but she is just being vigilant in making sure that as she is making these movements on nobody. Doing spins every so often to make sure the coast is clear. As the little bit of alcohol hits her movements begin to feel more fluid. The alcohol makes her body buzz and feel like she is floating. She realized the bartender was probably heavy handed with the clear liquor. She stares through the crowd of people and stares into the emerald eyes of the demon sitting at the bar staring back at her with an intense gaze. She just smiles at him and laughs while she keeps dancing as another song plays that she really likes, then feels someone behind her. Her eyes go wide hoping they are just walking but she quickly turns around and realizes that he was trying to grind against her.
"Eek sorry." She says awkwardly as she jumps away not looking at the look on the guy's face as she just focuses on staying away from the stranger. Sam, seeing the interaction, decided to step closer to the crowd to keep an eye on where Sidney is going. Sidney looks up and finds Sam's face again through the crowd and breathes a sigh of relief, then finds a clear patch on the floor and starts dancing once again.
She doesn't notice that in the distance there is a certain Succubus in the distance watching her every move. While also keeping tabs on her fiancé and his four siblings. She seems to notice the Brute looking over the crowd looking for you, "Why would the Brute care where she is? Interesting'' she stares at a boy next to her and uses her abilities to get him to go to the human girl.
"See that human redhead in the green dress? Doesn't seem like she has a dance partner. Why not show her a good time?" Diana says suggestively in the boy's ear as he listens to her commands. Then goes back to finding the other 4 brothers to keep her away though she makes the crowd grow a little thicker where she knows the third son is. Sidney, entranced by the music, does her spin around and notices she's suddenly lost Sam as the crowd grew a little thicker. She pauses then decides to look for him but before she does she feels a hand on her wrist. Suddenly her tipsy thoughts sober up and her eyes go wide. She turns around and a strange guy with shaggy hair and at least as tall as Erik is standing there. Her eyes look stunned as she tries to pull away but it seems like the guy is trying to drag her further into the crowd.
"Uh excuse me, I think you have the wrong person. I'm trying to find my friend."
"Awe come on one dance won't hurt ya." The guy says pulling her to him as the enthrallment is still taking effect as he follows the Succubi's orders. Sidney's breathing starts to falter as she looks around her. She would call Sam at this moment but she didn't want to expose him if she knew he was in proximity.
"I'm sorry I'm not interested, I should really be finding my friends." She says trying to pull her hand away but alas the hand won't move.
"Awe come on, you dance all night like that in that dress and expect no one to watch." She looks at the guy in the eyes in a narrow gaze, hands and body beginning to shake violently.
"Dancing is never an invitation, my outfit is never an invitation. If I don't want to dance with anyone I have the right to decline. Now, let me GO!" Sidney growls as she places her hand on her fist next to the guys and twists her arm around to loosen it and when that fails she takes one of his fingers and dislocated it the guy letting out a yelp the enthrallment on him breaking as his will power finally kicks in. As he comes to realize what is happening, his family jewels are kicked and he topples to the ground having no idea how that just happened. Sam hears the guys loud yell as he looks in the direction as he sees curly locks rushing away to the back of the club. He heads in the direction she's going and stumbles upon the guy on the floor, some people stunned from watching what happened pointing into the direction she went assuming he was with her. He puts a picture together of what possibly happened and walks right over him, Sam's main priority being her. Sidney makes it to a back hallway thanking whatever powers that be that no one was there. She takes deep breaths as tears threaten to escape but feels pride in getting away. Unfortunately though a physical anxiety attack was starting since she could feel her body start to vibrate and shake.This time she was able to stop it but phantom hands crawled up her arms remembering the events of yesterday. As she leans her head against the wall she is spooked by a mysterious hand grabbing her shoulder that as she screams out she punches who she finds out to be Sam in the face.
"FUCK!! WHAT THE HELL DOOFUS!!" Sam yells in pain as he yet again got socked by her in the face. As realization hits her she wraps her arms around Sam's shoulders in releif.
"OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY!! I got spooked and wasn't sure who it was that grabbed my shoulder. There was this guy and he wouldn't leave me alone, not that I thought you were him I just-" Sam after listening to her ramble as he shook off the effects of the punch and interrupts her. Leaning them both against the wall.
"HEY HEY!! Chill the fuck out. What the hell happened? Are you hurt?"
"N-no, this guy just came out of nowhere wanting me to dance with him but I de-declined saying I should look for you since I had lost you after try-trying to avoid the other guy. He seemed off but he wouldn't let me go so I dislocated two of his fingers and kicked him in the nads." She says as her chest burns from the anxiety and her stutter now rearing its head.
"Oof, so that's why the guy was on the ground. Sheesh, why didn't you summon me or come find me sooner?" Sam notices her speech pattern change.
"I didn't want to make a scene and I knew I could handle it myself. I didn't want to expose you guys like that." She says, staring into his eyes shyly, clenching her jaw to keep her teeth from jittering.
"Doofus, you could have seriously been in a lot of danger. ESPECIALLY since you also had some alcohol, what if you were seriously drunk and couldn't defend yourself. Do you know what could have happened? Seriously guys have stared at you all day and you don't even notice it a little bit." Sam say's getting worked up trying not to get angry. But alas he is failing.
"Sam I'm not drunk though, and I got away and I did defend myself."
"Yeah this time-" He says audibly and immediately regets saying it, clenching his teeth as he cringes.
"What is that supposed to mean?! I never asked for that to happen. Yes you saved my life yesterday, but may I remind you that I was a human surrounded by devil spawn one of which had a gun to my head. I also didn't ask for that to happen either, it was inevitable since Malix was vengeful and I knew that when I left the house." She says honestly having a little ping of hurt straight to her heart causing some tears to well up. As she gets chest to chest with him her fists of course still shaking.
"But even with all of that you still willingly allow us to stay! You are still so clueless-"
"Clueless as to what Sam?! I know I probably get stares but I seriously could care less because I wouldn't be able to walk outside! Tonight was a rare instance for me-"
"OH IT IS NOT A RARE INSTANCE!" He retorts.
"YES IT IS! WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME! Are you mad at me because of what happened? Or mad at me about what could've happened?! I got away, and yes the last week probably doesn't seem like a rare instance to you but my past interactions with men have been very few. Guys don't throw themselves at me or hit on me as often as you have insinuated! I know compared to someone like you I ultimately am powerless. I KNOW full well what could've happened tonight. I don't need any unneeded scolding because I got away! I actually stood up for myself for fucks sake!" She replied as a single stray tear escaped. Sam is stunned for a few moments, shutting his eyes and pushing away the thoughts of what could have happened cross his mind; the screams of his Fathers harem girls playing in his mind. His eyes open his usual green orbs outlined in red, the inner rage in him showing itself. She stares up at him intimidated but not scared. Her hand reaches for his face and cups his cheek gently. He lets out a rumble of a slight growl emitting from his base as he exhales looking at her dress then back up to her eyes. He also notices the trembling of her hands and takes another deep breath."Last thing she needs is yelling right now. She did get away... she is safe and she handled it herself. God I'm a hot headed idiot."
"I guess I just...I'm not mad at you. I notice guys staring at you all the time. I don't get how you don't notice it and it's frustrating because you shouldn't have to but for me it... worries me." That's about as much as Sam can dissect emotions wise because really he doesn't understand them himself.
"That's also why I didn't want to call you though, because I worry about you too. The thought of the wrong person finding out about you and your brothers then you guys getting captured or exercised... men staring at me is the last thing I want to worry about. Especially when... they are from someone that doesn't matter to me."
"W-what?" Sam stares at her confused both his hands on either side of the wall next to her. Sidney bites her lip out of nervous habit and fights her nerves as she takes a deep breath to speak.
"You Dork-wad! Sam I don't care about others stares or attention because I only care about you..you matter to me." She says dodging the actual three words she wants to say but basically putting it out there. Sam stares at her dumbfounded yet again "I don't think I'll ever be able to understand her, I'm a brute.. a monster" He steps a tiny bit closer, not like she can go anywhere. He smells the energy radiating from her and his eyes flash gold, not so much out of hunger but more out of desire. His nostrils flare in frustration, reminded of why he was so worked up.
"AND YOU DON'T?! Do you know what I would have done if he had GUH...The amount of restraint I had to have walking over the guy. But my priority was finding you....GRAHH you have no idea what you do to me! You are so fucking weird...HUH...again not in a bad way-"
"What kind of way? Enlighten me!" Sidney says, shifting the weight from her right leg to her left. Staring at Sam in full attention, arms crossed. "Gotta admit she's kinda hot when she gets like this." Sam thinks with a challenging stare.
"You just... GRR I don't understand how you can just act like nobody's watching, how can you stand being around someone like me I'm a Brute, a-"
"Don't say that last part because you are not, not in my eyes. Maybe in your father's, other beings that never took the time to get to know you." She puts both her hands on either side of his face, his eyes staring at her in shock wondering what she is doing.
"If saving my life, speed cleaning the front yard, making me breakfast in the morning after simply making out on a rooftop, and caring so very deeply about your brothers is so monstrous to you.. I don't see it. Not even a little bit." She says leaning closer. Sam breaths and pauses for a few moments taking it all in. Her scent: a mixture of fruit and white florals, now hypnotizes him as he closes his eyes.
"I could say the same about you. How can someone so kind, caring, goofy, definitely has a right hook, has hair that is red-ish that shines in the sunlight, the gold rings in your eyes.... Ugh just how can you not see how pretty you are." He says closing the gap between them, capturing her lips in a deep kiss. She lets out a gasp in shock then melts into him as her hands go from his face to the back of his neck. Sam leans her against the wall as a soft groan emanates from his lips against hers. Their lips move in perfect sync as Sam's slight hunger becomes apparent as one of his hands out of instinct moves to her waist gripping her green satin dress in an attempt to stop himself."Man she is breathtaking... I don't want to scare her though, she deserves better than me." Sidney notices this and holds his hand that's on her waist, and leans up to his ear to softly whisper something.
"Aomaris, you don't have to hold back for me. You could never hurt me." At the sound of his name a shiver runs through him and his eyes go gold.
"Grab my arm tight if you want me to stop." He says in a low tone almost like a growl. She lets out a soft gasp as the enthrallment rolls through her like a hot wave going straight to what was in between her legs.
"Mmhmm." She says, biting her lip in an attempt to keep quiet.
Sam purrs and giggles at her attempt to muffle her moan as he leans forward into her, chest to chest crashing his lips to hers as the sweet taste of her energy gets absorbed by his lips a soft groan escaping as his hands travel one around her waist and the other travels around her back up towards the in between her shoulder blades. Sidney leans into his embrace and stands on her toes as another sweet moan is released into his mouth."There goes getting these sounds out of my head." Taking the hint the hand around her waist travels down to the edge of the soft fabric that goes down mid-thigh and grabs it. Sidney jumps and wraps her legs around his waist as his weight starts to lean more towards the wall, his hand putting her plush but muscular thigh in a vice grip between his fingers. He leans her further into the wall as he holds both her legs cheekily moving both his hands to her ass underneath her dress feeling the lace trim of her underwear. She lets out a light whimper as she moves her hand gently from his neck to the hair at the nape of his neck and pulls it. A groan escapes Sam from the shivers that went through his body. At that action he starts to move from her lips to her jaw, and he gets to where her jaw meets her neck just close enough to her ear. She lets out a giggle and a gasp at the sensation combined with the enthrallment spell. Sam's face breaks into a cocky smile and looks back at the glazed over brown eyes."What I would give to hear that sound everyday.."
"Something funny, Doofus." He whispers in her ear. Again another giggle escaping her lips at the way his voice tickles in her head guessing it's from the heightened senses from the enthrallment making her already heightened senses even stronger.
"Hehe, I'm ticklish." She says her hand moving to his bicep to signal him to stop before she passes out or they go any further. He lifts the spell but wanting to hear the cute giggle again he goes back to the spot and kisses it again. Sidney squeals as Sam kisses up and down her neck. His hands release her ass and down back to mid thigh and slowly lets her down to make sure she won't pass out.
"Will ya be alright? I didn't take too much did I?"
"I should be fine, I don't feel dizzy or dazed like the last couple of times." She says shaking the remaining tickles in her ear from the stimulation. Sam lets out a cringed sigh.
"Sorry about-" Sam starts to say before two fingers are pressed into his lips.
"Mari, it's fine you apologized for the first time and the last time and this time was more than voluntary..I wouldn't be hanging around you if I didn't feel safe or not like being around you..." Sidney says shutting up the demon before her getting shy. Sam smiles at the nickname.
"So Sam, is that why you didn't go and get energy with James and Erik tonight, because you were worried about me?" She asks, the question having pledged her mind.
"Well it was a part of it......the other reasons was because I don't entirely partake in taking sexual energy all the time." Sam says kinda lying there is only one other reason why and the answer is right in front of him. "Why would I if all I crave is her?"
"Wait but don't you guys need food and energy to survive though?"
"Well Douchebag is actually a Brute Demon, unlike Incubi he solely feeds on rage energy. Our moms are all Succubi. Well, of all of my brothers hence the nickname I have more of the 'Brute' traits than the rest of them, in combination with my mom's Demon of Lilith traits. James does a tiny bit but none of them can also feed on rage energy like I can. The most James can do to my knowledge is Fear Enthrallment mostly for intimidation though."
"So you feed on both sexual and rage? Interesting, why does that not surprise me about James though. No offense at all to you or him but he definitely gives off having a Superiority complex."
"Yes..uh I actually used to exclusively feed on rage energy until I um..came here. And OKAY THANK YOU I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT NOTICED IT."
"It's very subtle, it's mostly the jabs towards you and him arrogantly correcting my grammar after you guys almost died in my house. But then again I gave him some grace but that was slightly infuriating."
Sidney blushes, Sam also had a blush but couldn't meet her eyes. "Funny she finds his princely ass infuriating, ooooo this'll be fuckin gold."
"That actually explains a lot, not that it's anything bad at all. Is that why your eyes get a red ring instead of flashing gold when you get really mad? I wouldn't be ashamed of it though." She says now getting curious.
"I don't really know, I guess. Why are you asking so many questions?" Same asks with a raised eyebrow.
"Because I wanna learn about you? I was serious about what I said." Sam literally feels like he metaphorically got slapped, again.
"Let's go and find the others, Doofus." Sam says, patting her head and walking back towards the dance floor.
"Aye watch the hair!" She says as Sam lets out a laugh. As they both step back out she holds onto his hand in efforts to not get lost again Sam notices this and gently smiles. Diana watches from a distance.
"Huh, the Brute and the girl seem to have been back there a long time. Who would've thought that the Brute actually has an Incubus bone in that idiotic head of his." Diana says, picking at her fingernails. Though she knows The Third Son is not a demon to turn her nose at. Her fiancé Raestrao may be powerful, yes. But the Brute is the strongest of the brothers. She knows she's gotta get some energy before facing off against him, or else any hope of saving her family would be kissed goodbye.
Sidney recognizes the song shrieking in happiness. She always wanted to dance bachata with someone.
"Hey Sam!" Sidney yells over the music.
Sam turns around. Recognizing the kind of song it is from watching videos of Latin culture.
"What Doofus?" He says turning around with an eyebrow raised.
"Shall we dance?" She asks offering a hand.
"Do you even know how to dance bachata?" He asks in reply knowing how she's been dancing in close proximity to people, more like lack there of. Bachata would be the last dance he could imagine her doing.
"My mom's side is Mexican actually, I've been dancing bachata by myself even before I knew what the name was. Not saying I'm an expert but once you know the basics it's easy to improvise." He looks at her stunned but then again it explains why she may be really fiesty, that and when she's irritated speaks the tiniest bit of Spanish.
"You do know it requires actually dancing in close proximity." He states matter factly. Also kinda worried about fucking up. No one has ever really asked him to dance. He always skipped the Balls that his Dad would throw just out of spite much to his mothers dismay. Sidney sees the slightest bit of hesitation in his gaze, he's not as much of a closed book as he thinks he is.
"If I didn't want to, I wouldn't have asked. Plus, I'd rather dance with you over anyone." She says taking his hand, leering him in the crowd with a devious smile. She finds a spot then starts to dance getting her bearings on the beat.
"Just remember you asked for it!" Sam starts to follow the steps she is taking, thankfully she's just standing at a shorter distance while he observes getting his bearings. Thankfully the dance itself is simple so he picks it up easily. After a little bit he decides to be daring and spins her around then pulling her close his leg between hers but not much due to being worried he would trip her. She giggles in happiness.
The sound ringing in his ears louder than the music as they move in sync. In the distance all his brothers watch in awe. James actually took off his glasses making sure his eyes weren't deceiving them.
"Oh my god, Sam is actually dancing." James says in shock.
"Holy shit and he's actually not doing bad." Matthew adds.
Reading everyone's minds Damian decided to answer the question on everyone's thinking.
"Sam learned a little bit of Spanish while we traveled Europe mostly through audio training. While doing so he studied the culture a tiny bit. The dance that they are doing is called bachata. Part of Sidney's family origins is from Mexico which is one of the Latin countries where this dance is practiced. She's known how to dance it for years granted doesn't claim to be an expert. She hadn't danced with anyone all night, she heard this song and knew it was simple enough to where he could probably pick it up. She didn't feel comfortable dancing with anyone else but him so she asked and he obliged. That's the logistics of what I can read through the loud music." Damian explained.
"My my who knew he actually could hold a rhythm. Oh, look how happy the Princess is!" Erik says fake crying like a proud mother. Sam and Sidney continue dancing and as Sam swings her into a side spin as she is spinning back into him she gasps as she missteps and almost slips thankfully Sam saves it by dipping her just in time. As she is leaning backward she pauses looking into his eyes and Sam looking right back at her.
"No te dejaré caer ( I won't let you fall)." He says in a low tone. She assumed he said something about not falling.
"I'll keep ya to that." She says blushing under the blue dark light of the club. "Okay, not only is he an incubus but he also speaks Spanish! Holy shit, I am doomed." Sam with the hand that's on Sidney's back lifts her back up straight as the song ends.
"Te protegeré con mi vida (I'll protect you with my life)." Sam says in the same low tone but more serious. Sidney fully being able to comprehend that sentence feels a rush of heat across her face.
YOU ARE READING
Random One-Shots and Short-Stories: Seduce Me and MHA
Любовные романыJust random one-shots that pop into my head. Since I'm apart of many fandoms, Mainly though it's Seduce me The Otome and My Hero Academia. 18+ only though! Not comfortable with children or anyone under 18 reading my shiz! Disclaimer: I do not own th...