WHAT HAPPENS TO THE HEART

NOW.V

NOW. V

Him

2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 passed in a glimpse. We did not talk much in that period. Just texts, here and there. 'Happy birthday. How are you? All good? Yeah. You?' Shit like that. I didn't want to know more about what she was doing. It was too painful. I tried to forget and just follow her plan.

You're probably wondering – oh there was a plan?

There was. Her plan was for us to continue living our lives separately, doing the best that we can to correct the, and I want to quote her exactly on this, mistakes of our past.

"If we are meant to be together," she said. "We'll be together like the first time, when the time comes."

Correcting the mistakes of our past. Myself, I was not too eager to revisit my past in order to change something about it. But for Nat it was different. Different story, different objective. No matter how upset I was with her and with the whole situation, I still couldn't get myself to hate her for trying to change this particular event.

So, what did I do? I kept on betting on sporting events. I took some of that money and bough a lot of cheap crypto currency. I took another chunk of money and invested in the stock market. I didn't have a clear plan; I was winging it. But it was enough that I roughly knew how the financial market would end up that I could use it to my advantage.

So yeah, I got kind of rich in less than three years. Not billionaire rich. Just comfortably rich that I could sit on my ass at home, without doing too much work. I was well off for the rest of my life.

I bought a nice house, moved in with Christine but that didn't last. I knew how we first ended up our relationship. I couldn't get past that. This time, I broke up with her. She ended up in Denmark (or was it Norway?) as intended, met that fellow...she was about to get married again. Well, not again, but you know what I mean.

I started travelling, more than I could have ever afforded before. Three months in Europe. One month in Japan. Six in South America. It was easy. It's always easy, when you have the money. I put on the 'charismatic Jamie' mask wherever I went. So, I had buddies around me, travelling, partying, spending time together. Casual girlfriend here and there. But nothing long lasting. Whatever I did, I kept looking forward to the future, to the year of 2018.

It was a lonely way of living. But it was brought on by the whole experience. I could have never been completely honest and close to someone without telling them what had happened to me. And who would believe it? Who would not think that I was crazy?

That was what happened with Jon. I made the mistake of telling him the truth. He didn't buy it. I could see it in his eyes that he thought I was mad. And just like that – I lost him. I realized it would never be the same again between me and him. He was already suspicious of my newly acquired fortune. Hearing the story made him think that I was either making fun of him or that I was just high from drugs. We couldn't resonate with one another anymore. So ended my only genuine friendship.

It was painful to some degree but it could have felt worse. I was so numb from leaving Nat behind, that I couldn't really feel much else on top of that. At that moment I had decided to never share the story with anyone else ever again, never try to change anyone and anything besides myself.

Ha ha, yes, I'm seeing the irony.

Throughout all this, of course I would check Nat on social media. Look for pictures, check-ins, updates. They were all painful. First an innocent photo with Theo. Then it's her a bit rounder in the waist, then a photo of the three of them together. The next year, Nat in a bikini – honeymoon in Mexico? A couple months after, a new baby. A year later, all four of them on a vacation in Hawaii.