𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 | Jaywon | ✔

01

I wake up this morning with the first rays of the sun. Tired but happy, I stretch and slowly sit up.

 It's been two years and I've experienced, achieved and come a long way with the Parks. All members know and respect me, I train hard every day to get better and better at martial arts. Now I'm involved in every single thing and two years ago I would never have guessed what it was all about. I was shown how brutal this life is, many people are killed. However, all of this bothers me surprisingly little, I'm not afraid of death and I like the thrill. 

I successfully completed my graduation with my friends. I live at the Park headquarters. They have become my family to me. I have a lot to do with the Park family, that is Jays mother Izumi and his brothers Heeseung and Sunghoon. I get along well with all, well most... Of course there are people who can get on your nerves, but I hold them all deep in my heart. 

Today is a special day because today I turn 19 years old. I get up and walk over to the mirror, run my fingers through my hair and look at myself for a while. It's fair to say that I've changed in the last two years. I have become much more confident and stronger. However, my loose mouth and my quick wit have remained. 

 I walk down the hall, my footsteps echoing down the hallway. As I walk down the stairs, I wonder why it's so quiet. I know a second later, because when I arrive in the spacious living room of the villa, they are all standing around a table and looking at me. Izumi comes up to me with her arms outstretched and hugs me tightly "Happy birthday, you look beautiful my child". I bow a little in front of her to show my respect "thank you". It's the culture, they're all Japanese or Korean, just like me. Everyone congratulates me. "All the best little one" says Mingyu with a smile. He's one of the men who picked me up back then.

When everyone has congratulated me, Jongseong enters the room. The members nod at him and he nods back. He takes his hands out of the pockets of his suit pants and comes towards me. He stops in front of me and hugs me briefly. "All the best," he says softly during the hug. He breaks the hug again and I quietly thank him. 

"When it's his little one's birthday, even the boss comes out of his office," Mingyu grins. When Jays deadly stares hit him, he quickly stops laughing and apologizes. 

"I have to go to Italy for a few days on business," says Jay. "Shouldn't we come with you?" Mingyu's voice sounds. Jay shakes his head "It's between me and the other one. I will go alone. As long as I'm gone, Sunghoon is in charge. Got it?". Everyone nods and Jay disappears again. 

I swallow and keep thinking about what he might be up to. It's not his style to do business alone, he can defend himself very well on his own, that's not the question...Why he doesn't want anyone around is the question everyone in this room is asking themselves right now. However, nobody here would ask him about it. 

Around noon, Jay leaves the building and gets into his car downstairs. I look down from my room until the car is out of sight. I feel a sigh creep out of me, then I stand up straight, wondering what that was about.Lately I've noticed more and more that I have to think about him a lot. He is very busy at the moment and is even colder than usual. 

I met him as a normal boy but in the last year he has changed a lot. He has matured a lot, showing less and less emotion but still being good to all of us. He's probably just really stressed... 

 I'm having a great time on my birthday, we all sit together at the table in the evening and talk late into the night. I'm very happy, but I'd be even happier if Jay was there. I don't want to waste my thoughts on him , preferring to enjoy the presence of the other members. 

At almost three o'clock I fall into my bed, extremely tired, and look thoughtfully at the ceiling. I feel a lump in my throat and my eyes fill with tears.

Damn I don't want to cry over him. I had such a nice day and just because one person wasn't there does it have to end like this? 

I'm shocked when my cell phone suddenly rings. Confused, I pick it up and look at the display, it's Jay...I'm trying to keep my voice as normal as possible when I answer the phone. "What's up?" "I wanted to ask you how your birthday was...It doesn't sound like it was good," he then remarks. It's nice to hear his voice.
I sob quietly for a moment and hope he didn't hear it. "It was nice, thanks for asking."I hear him sigh on the other end, "I'm sorry I can't be there. My day wasn't particularly successful either, I'll be back soon. I promise it". I just say "okay" and then hang up.
Angry, I put my phone on the bedside table and crawl under the covers. I don't move out of there until morning. I have no idea why I'm feeling mad. Maybe because he isn't here or maybe because I'm sad that he is not here.