We'll Always Find Each Other (Multifandom One-shots)

I Miss Him- The Amazing Spider-Man

There's a lot of homoromantic subtext here, so enjoy. There is also some depressive thoughts in here (mostly about Gwen and Peter), so there is that warning. But mostly, lots of guilt with some fruity subtext.

Harry Osborn

~

A spider weaves its web in the corner of my cell, and a part of me wonders if a higher power is trying to send a message. The delicate silk flutters faintly in the wind, though the spider continues to build its web without disturbance. That thin, string-like fiber is the only thing keeping the spider safe from predators and able to catch food, but it is so weak that I could destroy it if I wished too. And Peter Parker really thought that webbing that thin would save Gwen Stacy?

It's too early to think about Gwen Stacy or Peter Parker, but there is never really an appropriate time to think about them. The psychiatrist at Ravencroft Institute kept trying to get me to talk about them, but I couldn't bring myself to speak their names. It's not like talking about them would change anything— Gwen was dead, Peter is never going to forgive me, and I'm some sort of monster. Even if I poured my heart out, this godless institute would laugh and imprison me in my own misery. It's better to pretend that neither of them exist, which is easy enough to do. Between severe pain flashes and constant planning, it became easy think of Peter Parker and Gwen as things of a distant past that belonged to a different man— in a sense, they do. It's been a couple years since everything went down, and I would like to think I'm a different man. I would like to think I wouldn't shove Gwen Stacy to a fall that would lead to her death or cause Peter to go through that heartbreak. If only I hadn't been so selfish. If only I would not have been so jealous of Gwen Stacy. Of course, it's easy to say I'd never do it again, but if I was put back in that circumstance, I might. I might just be a monster.

The differences between my father and I grow smaller everyday. When the Osborn 'curse' began to sicken him, he began to do unethical things so that his greedy heart would continue to beat. It felt sick to laugh at his pain, but he laughed at mine. I had no definite proof, but I know he killed people to find a cure for himself. Everything centered around him and his needs. I'd become him the moment I stopped checking myself in the mirror, checking my expressions and features to make sure I didn't have his sneer or cold eyes. I'd spent so long running that I ended up in my enemy's arms, and I had embraced the darkness and misery of my father like it was a lifeline. Even the thin, small mirror found in the highly unclean bathroom couldn't hide the truth. Water stains and grime may cover part of the mirror, but Norman Osborn stands looking back at me.

The arrogant smirk, the lifeless eyes looking for a weakness to beat out of someone, the trembling fingers, the hair parted in a similar fashion (just the opposite side), and the air of cold indifference between us is the exact same. It's nauseating to see, though much more sickening to realize. Even on good days (if such things can truly exist in this hellish institution), I look like I'm sick— like he did when I found out he was starting to die. On the worst days, I feel like I'm dying. The tremors come, my eyes burn, and I struggle to walk around— on worst days, I usually don't move around because I have no one to help me. I'm just like Norman Osborn: lonely, miserable, and isolated.

I wonder if Peter Parker would enjoy a picture of my suffering. He could frame it and hang it where a photo of his wedding with Gwen could have hung. Would he enjoy my suffering? Everything in me screams no, that Peter is soft and sweet and doesn't want to see people in pain. A part of me wonders if Peter has a sadistic side, a side that would enjoy seeing me get hurt and unable to escape from my pain. He deserves a treat for everything that happened with Gwen Stacy, and I hope my suffering suffices as a treat. Because, honest to whatever higher power is out there, I never meant to hurt Peter.