Under Heavy Fire

Written in stone right?

Lance’s P.O.V
     You know when they say it’s written in the stars? Sealed on stone? Well that is the exact boat, I’m sorry Mama. I don’t think I’ll be coming home soon. I’ve been locked in my room because of my last outburst. But the others don’t care. I don’t think destiny chose the right person for this. I can’t fight. I contribute nothing to the team. I just get in the way. Keith can fight. Pidge has those wicked cool tech skills. Hunk is designated cook and mechanic. Shiro knows what to do and how the Galra work. I can’t do any of that. I’m useless. I sigh and set my pen down. Writing using helps, why isn’t it helping? I closed my diary and was about to begin my skincare routine but there was a knock at the door. I looked at it saying nothing. “Lance?” I gulped. “It’s Hunk. Shiro said, You can come out now.”
     “Okay thanks buddy.” I put my things down and went to the door. I’ll be down for dining a bit.” I stopped myself from opening the door, my hand hovering over the hand scanner. I couldn’t bring myself to open the door. Other than being locked in my room Shiro had also grounded me from all meals but breakfast. So I am even thinner now than before. But eating hurt, I couldn’t think about it without wanting to throw up. I hardly ate in general so it was torture to eat that one meal. I think Shiro knows that. Pulling myself away from the door I sat on my bed again. Everything feels wrong. Nothing makes sense. Maybe I’m the target because I won’t complain. No matter what though I don’t think I’ll be around much longer. Maybe then they’ll realize I don’t just take it because I’m easy.
      “Lance, you had ten minutes. Times up.” I huffed and opened the door pulling my sleeves down. “You know what the rules are, you can’t be so late all the time.” I roll my eyes and walk to the dining room. “Lance!” Keith  stomped after me. “Lance, look at me!” I stop and look at him. “Thank you. I know Shiro is rough on you. I'm sorry. I wish he wasn’t but he’s right you should work on it. Being late could cost us.” I narrow my eyes.
       “You don’t think I don’t know that?! I am working on it so hard! But all you guys do is blame me! I am blamed for every little thing! Grow up and take responsibility for your own damn problems!” I stormed into the dining room and sat down in my seat. I gave Shiro a pointed glare and started eating my food. There was no room for anyone to talk, not to me anyway. That’s fine. It’s not like I want them to talk to me. I finished my food and took care of my dishes before walking off.
      “Lance, get back here!” I glared at them. “What is your problem?” I glare at them.
      “What's my problem?! My problem is all of this!” I yelled. “You all get on my nerves! No one actually gives a damn about how I feel or checks in on me. I’m not okay!” I stormed off. It didn’t matter what I said or told them now. I was going to be dead come morning anyway. I walked over to my wardrobe and grabbed the rope I tied into a noose before and hung it up in the corner of my room. There was a coat hanger there if anyone came looking for me I’d look like a jacket hanging there. I put it around my neck and as I was about to end it all Keith walked into my room. Shit. He ran to me and took it off pulling me into a tight hug.
     “Lance! Oh thank God I stopped you.” I glared at him but let him hold me. “Holy crow! You tried to kill yourself!” I just nod going and sitting on the bed. “How many attempts was that?” I shrug. Since we'd been out here I'd attempted at least twice a week or more recently it's been closer to twice a day. “How long have you been like this?” I shrug. I'd been like this since before we came out here but I had a therapist then, I don't now. “Lance, how many attempts?” I flinched. “Lance.”
     “160.” My voice wavers. “Since we've been out here.” He gasps and sits next to me. “It doesn’t matter though. None of you care. I don’t even care.” He choked. “Don’t say you care. You don’t. You don’t know anything. You don’t know the hell I live in.” I crossed my arms. He hugs me.
     “That’s too many. I do care. I swear, if you would’ve just told us…” I glared at him, tears stung my eyes. “Lance, I do understand.” I scoffed and pushed him off me.
     “Get off. If you cared about me you wouldn’t let Shiro lock me in my room without food or water for days on end.” I pushed him out of the room and locked the door. Once he’s gone I sob. I felt sick. Now my secret is out. I’m going to be checked in daily now. I went to my bathroom and got out my blades. “This world hates me,” I start cutting just watching the old scars bleed and reopen, “maybe I can bleed out and die.” The cuts are deep and I swear I should’ve hit an artery by now.