Two Sugars

Chapter Five

The mixture of shock and residual anger made your body tense up. Your hands shot up to his chest, but only in an attempt to maintain some kind of distance while you decided how to respond, whether to reciprocate. The wall was cold against the back of your head and your arms, the sensation clashing with the warmth of his body pressed firmly up against you. His breath tasted faintly of liquor, dutch courage maybe. You could've used some yourself.

After the initial shock faded, the one thought that clouded your mind was that this wasn't fucking fair. He could hop in and out of your life whenever he felt like it, teasing you with affection before stealing it away again, while all you could do was sit around and wait for his whims to change. 

You felt dizzy thinking about having to stay on his emotional roller coaster any longer. This whole ordeal had been so incredibly draining but, the very worst part was, you couldn't even blame him for it. He genuinely believed he was doing you a favour by trying to stay away. He was a good guy, he just gave in to his feelings too easily.

Unfortunately, you had a habit of doing the same. You kissed him back. His stubble was rough against your face. His chest started heaving, pushing you further into the wall as it did so. You couldn't count the hours you'd spent thinking about this back at that shitty little apartment, the nights you'd laid awake, barely able to stop yourself from tearing through to the living room and tearing into him. The reality was even better than you'd imagined.

He lifted your legs to circle his waist and pulled you away from the wall, blindly walking towards your bedroom with his mouth still locked onto yours. You briefly wondered how the hell he knew where he was going, how long he'd been occupying your apartment before you arrived home this evening, but all of that fell out of your head when he dropped you onto the bed, pulled his shirt off and climbed on top of you. Nothing else mattered after that.

***

You had no idea what this meant.

You carefully rolled over and eyed the completely bare man that was fast asleep in your bed. The sun had set while you'd been tangled together, so the only thing illuminating him now was the pale moonlight that streamed through the blinds in thin, uniform lines. He almost looked like he was carved out of stone. It was a sight that, a few weeks ago, would've filled you with excitement and delirium. Now you were just confused.

A million questions streamed through your mind. Had anything actually changed? Was everything now just going to go back to how it was before? Were you going to be left pining again while Bucky watched you from a tree or a bush to make sure you didn't accidentally die?

Admittedly, you'd been in less healthy relationships but, still, not ideal.

You had no idea how long you'd been lying awake. An hour, at least, maybe two. Sighing and rubbing your eyes, you climbed off the bed and headed towards the door. Bucky stirred, a deep whisper coming from behind you.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, just need to pee."

He grunted softly. You glanced over your shoulder to see him roll onto his back, eyes still closed, one hand moving to rest behind his head while a contented smile spread over his face. Well, at least he was happy.

Your clammy feet stuck to the cold bathroom tiles, the unheated air in the apartment nipping at your bare skin. You braced yourself against the sink and splashed cold water over your face. There was no way you could keep doing this. If you allowed it, there'd be countless more nights spent lying awake, driving yourself crazy wondering what the fuck was going on inside his head. No, it was time to get some answers.

You made a plan. If he was awake when you got back to the bedroom, you'd confront him now but, if not, you'd do it first thing in the morning. Letting yourself delay it any further than that would inevitably lead to pussying out completely and standing by while this situation spiralled out of control again.