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CHAPTER 16, and run away before I know
Frustrated, Joey walked around the venue without paying much attention, until he eventually found himself backstage where they had played a few hours earlier. The smell of sweat and smoke was intense, and the dim lighting made the space even more claustrophobic. All he could hear at that moment was the muffled sound of the few remaining people there.
He passed various boxes of sound and lighting equipment, finally arriving at the back of the stage where he found a narrow and dark space, filled with boxes, cases, and musical equipment stacked disorderly. The lighting was even dimmer, there was dirt and dust accumulated on the floor and walls, which made it even harder to search for the girl.
As Joey searched for Phoebe among the clutter, he heard a noise coming from a nearby pile of sound equipment. He approached cautiously and could see a shadow moving behind the boxes.
— Phoebe? — he called, hoping for a response.
But the shadow remained quiet, and Joey felt a pang of frustration and exhaustion for having to be in this situation, but worse than that, he felt ashamed. He felt ashamed mainly because he knew that it was all his fault, and now he would have to deal with it alone.
— Come on Phoebe, I know you're there. We want to go back to the hotel soon — silence. — I want to go back to the fucking hotel soon.
Joey also felt guilty. He felt a weight on his chest so big that he didn't even know how to deal with it, or rather, he didn't understand the reason for it. Why did he always have to act in the worst possible way with Phoebe? Why did he have to do this? Why couldn't he stop thinking about her? Why?
His head filled with so many questions that his reaction was to kick one of the boxes.
— FUCK! — he shouted, taking a deep breath afterwards.
— Stop it, it's pathetic — a voice sounded sadly behind him, and he turned to look.
Phoebe's silhouette was quite obvious, but he still couldn't see her face.
— Finally, let's go — he hoped she didn't see his red face. — I can't stand this shitty smell anymore.
— Why... do you hate me so much? — she asked. The voice hit the drummer's chest like a stab. Silence was present again.
— Stop talking nonsense — he replied after a few moments of silence. — Let's just go.
Phoebe stood up and walked towards him, her expression was indecipherable and the lack of light didn't help at all.
— Nonsense, Nathan? — Phoebe asked. He noticed a smile on her lips and an unusual glint in her face. — This is nonsense? — Her voice was heavy, seeming to weigh with so many feelings trapped in a few words. — You despise me — she practically spat out her words.
Joey noticed her approaching closer and closer, which made him take a few steps back until his back hit some stacked boxes. She kept getting closer.
— I can't even look at you without remembering how much you hate me — Joey felt his heart beating against the cage of bones that held it, ready to break it and escape. Phoebe was now so close that Joey could see the tears shining in her eyes. — Do you want apologies for what happened?
He swallowed, feeling her warm breath on his face.
— I'm sorry! — she spoke a bit louder, but due to their proximity, it seemed like a shout. — Sorry for all the shit I did in the past, okay? Sorry for being a shitty friend and choosing Luke over you — her voice was increasingly choked up. — Sorry for taking the blame for Luke when he messed up your battery.
The sting in his chest became a stake. Was that true?
— I'm sorry! — she was now in tears. — I abandoned you in the end! I know that! But look, I can't change the past — she moved away a little, and Joey missed the closeness. — I know I can't change the past, but I can change who I am now, I can try to be a better person! And that's what I'm doing, but you keep treating me like garbage, Nathan. Like garbage!
— Why did you go with Luke? — he asked, his voice so low that he thought she hadn't heard.
— Because I thought I needed the love he could offer me — her voice was now cold.
...
— I could have given you love.
...
— But not the love I wanted.
— I... — agitated steps invaded the silence around the room, and soon Sid appeared in the doorway.
Unable to see Joey because of the boxes and the dim light, Sid pulled Phoebe's arm without saying anything, impatient with the delay to return to the hotel. Joey left the room soon after, ashamed of what he might have said if Sid hadn't shown up.
They avoided each other after that. On the bus, at the hotel, during the few days' break in the tour. They didn't even argue anymore, didn't look at each other anymore, and everyone noticed.
Phoebe felt even more confused than him, especially with the threats Luke had been making since the third show of their tour, which she never told anyone about. She couldn't understand why all of this was happening to her; it seemed like a cruel joke from some sadistic God who had decided to disturb her with her entire past all at once.
The memories of her post-traumatic stress disorder seemed to slowly regain their space in her head, and every time she saw Luke's name, she could clearly remember the nights when he threatened to hit her, just like her mother used to do. And that became the theme of her nightmares at night.
And to make matters worse, the only person who really knew the whole story seemed to want to make her remember everything through all the hatred that had been there since the same time as all of this. And all Phoebe wanted was to be able to erase her past and live a new life, like a person with no stories to tell, but full of new ones to live.
N.A.: hello everyone <3
during that time I haven't been writing as often as usual, I've been dealing with and trying to overcome some really serious issues in my life, so I haven't had a lot of time to continue writing the story.
but I wrote one thing or another (I even have a story idea, but it's not fanfic, in mind). Also, if you like One Piece (sorry guys, I like the pirate anime that stretches), you can visit my tumblr! zombiedumbie.tumblr.com
i talked about ko-fi in the last chapter and i was told it wouldn't be a bad idea so... if you want to buy me a coffee: ko-fi.com/zombiedumbie
it is not necessary to donate anything, only if you want and can, obviously.
i thank you for your patience with me and with the story, I don't intend to abandon it, i already have the ending ready.
